DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I’m not really saying I’m freaking out or anything, just sort of crowd-sourcing opinions and trying to be optimistic. Never done this before so curious what worked for others.
Ok. When you mentioned that the texting cadence has diminished a bit, I wasn’t sure where your head was. Glad you’re chill! 🙂
@Kate btw I never called him my boyfriend or said it was a relationship 😉
@lianne it has decreased a bit but still happens everyday. I moreso worry about ME texting too much and not wanting to annoy him, even though he’s explicitly said he enjoys talking to me. It’s more my own issue if that makes sense.
And I think that is where people thought you might be freaking out ever so slightly. I get it – you like him! You want this to go well and don’t want to sabotage it. But at some point you need to do you and not worry about how he’s perceiving it. You are part of this relationship (or whatever you want to call it) too, and your needs are just as important as his. If you want to talk more, tell him that! If you’re ok with it, then don’t overthink it or worry about what others have done. This is YOUR relationship and it might not look like every other LDR there ever was.
Thanks @Lianne . Honestly I’d love to talk more, but then sometimes I struggle with coming up with a conversation topic lol. Like, I think to myself, ‘I’d love to talk to TT right now but what can I start a conversation about?’ so I just wait until I think of something or something cool happens or I have a question. I don’t want to force it, it just makes me happy to talk to him. I could talk about the weather with him and be happy. But I talk a lot 😉
well, Kate, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t want to do that, so I wait until I have something to talk about. So I think that’s why the frequency has decreased for both of us.
@Ver– ignore if I am wrong but it seems like you just want to talk to talk to make sure he is still interested, to convince yourself he likes you and to have that validation. I think instead of that, it would be good to just remind yourself when you are having doubts, instead of reaching out for that validation, just a mantra like- I am awesome, we are in to each other, and I need to stop stressing it. I agree that forcing communication when there isn’t much to say will probably backfire and it leads to those awkward and unfulfilling phone convos where there isn’t much to say and its like dead space and you get off the line thinking, shit does he even like me anymore, what is going on. I had a lot of trouble with this early on in my relationship with my boyfriend, like if he wasn’t in contact with me it meant he didn’t like me and wasn’t thinking of me. It was actually a major insecurity of my own I kind of had to own and now I just know even if we aren’t in contact, he is still thinking of me and loves the shit out of me. I am not saying its the same for you, but maybe there is some of that in there.
Also at this point, after about 4 dates with someone, I don’t think constant communication or frequent texting/phone calls really are the norm. I do know this varies by person but even my best friend who met her boyfriend and they lived two hours apart, after their first four dates, there was minimal communication in between. Some texting and a few phone calls. It wasn’t until they were “official” that it kicked in to high gear– and honestly I have never seen two people more in love, they are actually about to get engaged and have been long distance the whole 2.5+ years of their relationship.
Mucha, you just reminded me of a faux-lationship I had several years ago where that is what I did. I needed reassurances that he was into me, so would think of shit to text or call him about. Unfortunately for me, that didn’t end as well as yours did…I was way more into him than he was me, but he liked me enough to keep up the sex until he started dating the chick he ended up marrying, but the main point here is, it was about my insecurity. I look back at that me and wish I could have just chilled out and enjoyed it for what it was. My issue then was that I was always looking for “the one” and couldn’t see that most of these guys I tried to fit into that role were so fucking wrong for me! Hahahaha….
Anyway, Veritek, I think Mucha has some solid advice here!
Actually, I should say FORTUNATELY for me, because I adore my husband and he is so right for me – even though I didn’t realize it right away.
Agree. Good advice Mucha. I very well could be looking for that validation. I keep waiting for something to go wrong or the other shoe to drop. That’s kinda how I’ve always been. It takes me a long time to relax when dating someone.
Very good point.
“Also at this point, after about 4 dates with someone, I don’t think constant communication or frequent texting/phone calls really are the norm. I do know this varies by person but even my best friend who met her boyfriend and they lived two hours apart, after their first four dates, there was minimal communication in between. Some texting and a few phone calls.”
Yes, this. Is exactly what I mean, Mucha. I know you didn’t call him your boyfriend, Veritek, but what I mean is, this is something I’d be more concerned about and trying to “fix” when you’re solidly in a relationship. Right now I think it’s fine and appropriate to the situation.
