I actually think it’s a myth that women are “supposed” to feel maternal/motherly. Just my two cents.

@hfantods – If you are thinking about leaving practice altogether, feel free to DM me on IG should you feel so inclined. I did it. I have friends who have done it. Like half of my department at work did it. I’m not an expert, but I can at least tell you where people I know personally landed and how they like it.

I’m so sorry, MJ.

Also crossing my fingers for you, @ktfran. I hope it’s nothing.

I read Little Fires Everywhere and it was great. I think I’ve reread it and I don’t do that too often. I started her newer book but I didn’t get into it. I’m having a real problem getting into any fiction lately.

Hi everybody! I saw that the thread changed names and thought I’d stop lurking and say hi. I’m sorry to hear about your mom, MJ. Maybe it’s strange but it’s kind of nice to read about others’ news and activities. I think I last really chatted with anyone back when we had a couple of Zoom calls, but that must have been a couple of years ago at this point! I’m happy this thread is still going – I know I posted way back when about the bizarre dates I was going on and it was nice to commiserate. I’ve been with my bf now for 6.5 years and we’re pretty settled but also completely remodeling our house ourselves, so that’s been fun! I figure we’ll just do the paperwork to get married at some point but I realized have no desire for a wedding (it makes me feel stressed and anxious, not excited). I found out recently that my friend’s wedding, which was last year in Calistoga, cost $70k – which almost made me spit out my water!

As far as books, I’ve been reading all of Emily St. James Mandel’s novels, and I have enjoyed most of them! I really liked Sea of Tranquility the best, followed by The Glass Hotel (if you read them, start with Glass Hotel bc there is some overlap).

Saw the name change just like @Moneypenny and decided to finally comment in this thread. Especially since it’s now official…This thread officially lasted longer than my marriage. I’m officially divorced now, apparently (I haven’t gotten official notification yet but apparently my ex did).

I’m doing really well overall but slowly coming to terms with how bad things have really been and how much I’ve turned a blind eye to. Yikes. I thought initially I’d be able to remain friends and on good terms but I’m thinking now that’s not going to be the healthiest option for me.

So if anyone wants to find me an “awesome date” help me out!*

(see how I brought it all full circle?)

*not actually ready for dating yet

’m so sorry for your loss, @MissMJ. This past Mother’s Day must have been hard for you – the first holidays always are. I lost my mom when I was 21. It’s been 16 years now, and I still have moments where it hits me out of the blue, but it’s less gut-wrenching sobs and more quietly dripping tears now. Grief is such a heavy and complicated burden. It will lessen with time, but I found a few other things that helped, too.

I was stuck in the grieving process for a long time, until I found a grief counselling group. Therapy is wonderful, but there’s something to be said for talking to someone who has experienced and is feeling the same things you are. I was paired with a woman who had lost her mother to suicide in the exact same manner as my mother, and our conversations were mediated by a professional counsellor. I still remember how much lighter I felt after just one first session.
After those sessions, I joined a larger group for awhile.

In addition to taking about your loss, find ways to talk about who your mom was. Share your memories of her. Is there someone who would come over and flip through old photo albums with you? Sit and listen while you reminisce? I’m sure you have friends who want to be there for you but don’t know what you need. Tell them it’s okay if they don’t know what to say, you’d just like them to listen.

There are other people out there who loved your mom, I’m sure. Her partner maybe, any siblings, friends? They’re grieving too, and I bet they’d love to hear from you. They probably have stories about her that you’ve never heard. When you feel up to it, give these people a call.

Find ways to honour your mother’s memory. I framed my favourite photo of my mom and keep it displayed in my house. I have some of her possessions and think of her when I use them – innocuous things like a watering can or oven mitts. I have a few traditions I’ve established, like a memorial ornament on my Christmas tree, a memorial candle that gets lit on certain dates.

There are different books about loss that you may find meaningful. One that spoke to me was Tyler Feder’s Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom Graphic Memoir. I was also very affected by Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman.

You’ll never not miss your mom. I’m convinced that no matter how old a person gets, they’ll never reach a point where they don’t sometimes just want their mommy. Hugs.

@MoneyPenny Good to hear from you!! One of my friends spend $90K on her Friday evening wedding in November in Chicago. So, off-season and a weekday. She claims that’s just what weddings here cost, but I’m not sure I believe it. I think they opted into the most expensive of everything. You can tell she thinks pricier is better. She and her fiance went the lab diamond route and they still spent $25-30K on her ring. And apparently $10K on his wedding band. I actually haven’t seen her since her wedding because the way she started talking about money leading up to her wedding was super off putting.

I do wonder what happened to @Ale and @JD. And @TheHizzy!