DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Thanks everyone! They’re still working out some details and doing a little bit of reorganizing. I’m happy though!
On the perimenopause discussion, I am not there yet in my own life, however, I saw earlier today on an account I follow on IG that Cambridge University recently published a study or article about the mental health side of things. I don’t have a link but thought I’d share in case it is of interest to anyone who follows this thread!
I have a question that I don’t think is serious enough for it’s own thread, so I thought I’d pose it to the group here.
So post-divorce, I’m having a little trouble navigating what level of contact is ok with family and friends where the relationship originated through my ex. Like, if while we were married I considered them friends even though I only knew them through the ex, is it ok to maintain occasional contact? Is it ok to send a Holiday card?
When it comes to the ex’s family, the ex basically estranged herself from most of her family as we were getting divorced and they’ve kept in touch a bit with me anyways, so I assume that’s probably ok. But any time I have a conversation with a friend of the ex I feel a bit guilty, like I’m breaking some kind of unwritten rule. But at the same time, I considered a lot of these people my friend previously and I’d like them to know that I still think of them fondly at the very least.
For reference, the ex and I divorced quickly and reasonably amicably, but I cut contact completely and blocked her everywhere possible for my own mental health.
Am I overthinking this?
That’s a great question and one I can’t unfortunately answer. My gut says you’re overthinking it. If they didn’t want to interact, they could not answer or do a fade, so I think you’re ok. I think it’s also ok to check in and ask. The older I get, the more I like being direct and asking tough questions instead of constantly over analyzing. It’s sometimes uncomfortable for a moment, but clears headspace.
I haven’t been in this situation. And nearly all my friends married later, think 35+, and so I weirdly don’t have divorced friends. My husband was married before me, and that ended badly/no kids so he had zero contact with her peeps. He won’t even talk about her to me.
I think you are overthinking it and it’s fine to send a card, like and comment on their posts, and keep up with the people you like and value, if that feels good to you.
Agree. There is nothing wrong or odd with extending post-divorce friendship. It’s actually kind of sweet to say “my relationship with my ex may be over, but I’d like to keep you in my life.”
I haven’t had this experience myself, but I’d like to think that I’d take each situation on a case by case basis.
Never been married or divorced, but I also think you are overthinking it. I have a sizable minority of friends who married and divorced young. Only one had a kid with her first husband. I’d say most cut contact with their ex-spouse and their family/friends completely, if not right away with intention then it just kinda happened with time. One stayed in touch with her ex-SIL for a bit, but realized it wasn’t great for her mentally (she’d find herself hoping her ex would hear how great she was doing w/o him… she had not wanted the divorce), so she cut that last small tie to him. Especially if they’ve maintained contact with you, I think occasional contact is fine. If it feels bad or messes with your mental health, it’s also okay to step back.
On the flip side, I have a friend whose late 20s/no kids sister is getting divorced right now. They just had their first Thanksgiving without her BIL after about a decade of him being in their lives. Her sister is happy to be divorcing and I think feels free. My friend is a little bummed to lose a BIL and hopes they can be friendly when the dust settles.
I think it’s fine to reach out, too. If you notice someone isn’t reciprocating, then back off, and obviously don’t make it weird by pumping them for info or bashing your ex (not that I think you are @bloodymeritocracy), but being friends or even building up mutual friendships with someone your ex introduced you too after you’re no longer together isn’t something I find inherently weird or anything.
And congratulations @ktfran and I’m glad things seem like they’re working out well @copa.
@rangerchick, I hope you’re able to get your meds sorted soon. It’s so frustrating to be sent back and forth between the pharmacy and doctor.
