BF's Neighborhood – NOT PC
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Here:
” I’m not saying it to say ‘those colored folks! wow they are so bad!’ no….”
In other words: I’m not saying it to say minorities are bad people the way a racist person would say that above statement.
As often as you ask for advice you really dislike hearing anything you don’t agree with. Take a step back and think about the fact that you might just be wrong.
How do I not like the advice I’m given? Can you please give me some examples because from what I remember I have been or at least thought I was receptive.
That doesn’t even make sense. If you are trying to draw a direct comparison it doesn’t make sense. “White people” is not derogatory.
Would I be freaked out if someone (someone not white) yelled “Hey white folks!” I mean maybe, given the context, but maybe they were just trying to get your attention, and that seemed the most obvious way to make it clear who they were directing their comments at.
Speaking again about my own experiences I have in my own neighborhood – one of the bigger complaints (I mean aside from getting priced out) from the older, largely African american community is that we the new, mostly white residents, are standoffish and not neighborly. We don’t talk to anyone. Some of that’s probably cultural, some of it fear, but I’ve made an attempt to say hi to anyone I pass on the sidewalk, and plenty of people have started conversations with me without prompting. And it’s been really nice. If you’re getting approached by people in the neighborhood, maybe they just want to be..well..neighborly.
Your comments are showing your ignorance here. I understand you were trying to illustrate what you weren’t saying, but you could’ve used different words to make that point. Do you understand how that was grossly insensitive? Yes, race should have been beyond the point from the beginning. You are showing that you are prejudiced about the very thing you are saying you aren’t prejudiced about, if it didn’t matter, you would’ve left it out of the letter. We are the only white folks! That doesn’t illustrate to me how you or your BF is a target. If you can’t see how ridiculous this has gotten, I’m sorry. The way you have brought this up shows a lack of understanding, and really respect. Especially right now, your comments seems particularly insensitive and offhand, when I would think you’d want to be a little bit more careful with the language you use.
Maybe you both should try to be more neighborly, saying hello and generally not skulking around in fear, since you “aren’t rascist.” Obviously, he and his roommates are not scared of the neighborhood or the people who live there. Please learn to be more culturally sensitive, the more you post, the worse you sound. It’s sad to read someone this young write like this, especially after the events of the last year…I would have thought your generation would be more thoughtful.
In South Philadelphia, especially in this one predominantly African-American neighborhood, there’s a lot of emphasis put on greeting your neighbors, which isn’t always expected in an urban setting. I think they called it “speaking.” Not sure if this is a common thing, although from the responses here this may be a common occurrence. Just a thought, these neighbors may not think they’re being confrontational, they may be trying to be nice and neighborly.
I don’t think it’s racist to acknowledge that a neighborhood is not the greatest, or to acknowledge that many minorities live in bad neighborhoods. That is true, and unfortunately a product of a racist, oppressive society that actively, blatantly segregated minorities for generations. I would also be highly uncomfortable if people shouted my race at me as I walked along the street. I think it can be easy to pick apart someone’s comments about race, especially when they are in writing and lack any contextual tone, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. I do think that some posters have some good points, though, in regards to questioning exactly why you feel uncomfortable and your actual chances of being a crime victim.
But yeah, what can you do as far as your BF goes? Nothing really. He lives where he wants to live. You can choose to not hang out there, and you can worry about him all you want, but you can’t tell him where to live.
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but just because a neighborhood has a lot of people of a different race than you or your boyfriend, doesn’t mean it’s dangerous for you or your boyfriend to be there. Most people are not threatened by the presence of people of a different race, so it’s not like your boyfriend is in danger just because he’s in a black neighborhood.
And I wouldn’t have felt remotely threatened by what the person in the Starbucks said. The poor person was probably trying to be friendly and make you feel comfortable. You probably looked visibly nervous, since the neighborhood scares the daylights out of you. I would have turned around and smiled and struck up a conversation. People are generally kind, given half a chance, and usually react well to a friendly word. Less so to someone treating them like they’re some sort of dangerous creature.
I think this is more about your anxieties than your boyfriend’s safety.
Honestly, just let it go. Your boyfriend will be fine.
If Starbucks has a franchise there…do I need to finish this sentence? It’s not a scary neighborhood. You have your own prejudices about race and economic status which are making you sound very irrational. Stop nagging your boyfriend and open your mind.
Living in the Bay Area, I can understand your apprehensive attitude to particular areas that are experiencing very aggressive gentrification, which is causing a lot of backlash (from protesters outside newly built/bought houses, protesters blocking busses that pick up tech people, graffiti specifically attacking new residents because of their work and/or race, etc.) I get you’re worried, but I would just stop bothering with it. He’ll learn the hard way. My fiance, who’s from out of town, didn’t understand why I would always tell him to lock the car doors, make sure the windows were rolled up, and that there was nothing visible inside the car. Till one day he forgot to roll up the back window, and someone stole everything (from inside, from the trunk, etc.) Hopefully if something like that ever happens to your bf, it’ll be a minor thing and he would easily be able to replace his cards, etc.
Well the problem with assuming that poor people + minorities = bad areas is incorrect.
There are SO many bad areas in the U.S. where the majority of the population are not minorities. Take a look-see at rural areas around the U.S.-a lot of times those areas rival urban areas in their drug use/trafficking, violence, and poverty. The only difference is that urban areas tend to be right in our faces as we move through our cities while rural communities are often hidden away so it’s easier to associate the level of ‘badness’ with a skin color.
That’s what LW was being called out on. If she had said, ‘my boyfriend lives in an area that doesn’t feel safe to me because of the high crime rate…’ then she would have received a different tone from people. The fact that she made it a point to HIGHLIGHT that he lived in a black neighborhood was what was truly offensive.
At the end of the day, if her BF wants to live there then that’s his choice she can’t do anything about it. So move on from this topic.
Maybe the underlying issue is that LW thinks he will want her to move in this area if they decide to live together/get married.
