“Do Her Mixed Signals Mean She Wants Me Back?”
- This topic has 96 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by
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Why did you have her visit you up north and down south? You got two houses? Did she pay for the travel? Sorry she dumped you, but she did. It’s not confusing. Sorry that my opinions bother you.
Soooo you have a history of getting angry with and having “poor responses” to her when she didn’t answer your questions to your liking, but still expected her to not break up with you in a way where she lets you down gently? That is literally the safest way to end things with someone who you fear may have a bad reaction to you breaking up with them. Do you really not see?
I was trying to be nice in my first response because getting dumped is hard, it really is. But honestly? Grow up, get over yourself. Hold yourself accountable for your behavior. It is ridiculous that you blame this woman for “driving” you to behavior you’re not proud of. (And I say this as someone who has done and said things in the past that she isn’t proud of, but instead of being like, wElL aCtUaLlY and pointing a finger at someone else for MY actions/words, I’ve owned it, felt shame, reflected, searched inward, learned, grown.)
Again, she literally ended things with you — that’s as clear as you can get that someone doesn’t want to date you anymore. If this woman wanted to date you, she’d be dating you. She has made clear she doesn’t want a relationship by saying so, dumping you, and then trying to ignore your texts. You need to accept that. You need to move on. You need to stop texting her — if she doesn’t already think you’re a creep, you’re heading in that direction FAST.
You also likely need therapy.
Also? VERY few people are narcissists in the clinical sense. I see a lot of armchair diagnoses online of real mental illnesses and think it’s super problematic. Not everyone has an insecure attachment style or personality disorder; some people just aren’t that into you and are behaving accordingly.
You are an asshole, no question… I gave as much info as I could to start, and not sprinkling in detail. I’m adding to the story and 100% true! Yes, we were together for several months before we officially met and then did. It went well and she was on board with exclusive, and there you go. Do you want me to upload every message so you can see for yourself why I reached out here?! I get it, she is done. Moving on, but she is STILL confusing AF. Validation, empathy, and mirroring are the keys to a healthy relationship. I don’t dismiss good parts of a relationship right away and fixate on red flags. I guess I’m broken for giving people a chance, just like you right now. haha
Plenty of people decide to be exclusive and still break up. Sometimes after several months, sometimes after several years. Most relationships don’t end in marriage. I don’t really see why you are getting so bent out of shape about that.
She’s not responding to you because she’s trying to get you to take the hint and not go away, but given your interpretation of everything else, it’s no surprise you see this as her being self absorbed. I’m surprised she hasn’t blocked you yet. I’d have certainly blocked you after your “I’m going to need a timeline otherwise I can’t wait” text.
You were nice in the first response? I would like to see what mean is to you. I’m actually in the field of mental health, but personally when it happens to you it is blinders. Saying ‘you need therapy’ is gaslighting and probably NPD, or traits, most likely. Tell me your story and see how I react!
LOL. I don’t buy for a second that you are in the field of mental health, unless by that you mean you are in undergrad and excited to declare psychology as your major for the sake of self diagnosing your many issues.
LOL you’re not in mental health.
“You’re a great person but, I don’t want to see you anymore,” is literally THE classic breakup line. No one in mental health would be this blind with someone else’s subtext, please.
You didn’t tell us you were together for several months, you wrote “3-4 months if you can call it that,” which quite frankly, seems like nothing if it was an online LDR and you said she didn’t consider you dating.
I AM in mental health and why I sniffed it out 3-4 months in rather than 3-4 years! None of you address anything to what I mention, only persecutors. The person I’m speaking of might even have my back more than any of you. Toxic discussion group. Bye now!
My dude. No one here is being harsh with you.
I do actually agree with you that you got some mixed signals in the course of the relationship. I definitely sympathize with you. But the whole point of an advice forum is to get the perspective from people who have no stake in the situation and can see the picture more clearly than you, who is clearly in the thick of it.
So to summarize
Yes, you received mixed signals. But there is also one very clear signal being sent that is telling you to move on. She gave you that signal and now all us on randos on this site are also giving you this signal: it’s over. This is your cue to lick your wounds and move on.
You didn’t sniff anything out. You got dumped. Your first post is literally about that and how you had a bad reaction to it and felt confused even after you were left on read for three days. Which everyone actually did address, but you decided the consensus was wrong because we didn’t agree with you or say poor you.
I mean really, if I started dating someone and was initially excited about him, then he started demanding to know a few months in if my coworkers knew about him yet and if not why not, then getting angry about it, etc… I, too, would change my mind about wanting to date him.
You’re responding very defensively to people giving you an honest opinion, and accusing us of gaslighting, which…like…I’m sorry, but we have nothing to gain from gaslighting you. No one here wants to hurt you. We only want to give you an honest estimation of your situation that is present here.
I’ve been here a pretty decently long time, and there have been several regular posters who have come and gone who would occasionally like to dig their nails in. No one here is like that.
So here’s my honest opinion: your aggressive reaction to what people told you here is kind of scary. If she sent you mixed signals in trying to let you down easy, she might have been scared of you.
What did you sniff out in 3-4 months?
You sniffed nothing out, your post is literally about how she dumped you, and you don’t seem to be able to understand and swallow that truth.Therapists go through extensive personal therapy, and the fact that you reeled at that suggestion and got defensive at it (what’s to be ashamed of?) don’t not seem to understand elementary human behavior, and went online to seek advice makes me think you have very little understand of human emotion and behavior.
I admit her “I love you as a person,” line was clearly misguided. But women say this a few times starting out, when they have to let a guy down easy before they learn- nope, the stubborn ones will even use this gentle breakup line as an opening…my god, do I need to be…blunt, direct, rude?
If you were in mental health, wouldn’t you be able to cope with these feelings, instead of lashing out at us strangers over giving you honest advice? I am sorry even your friend seem to be scared of telling you the truth. It is over with the lady, but you sniffed that out months ago, right?
