Family problems. Need advice ASAP
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hey guys give this person a break. She obviously is going thru some tough and emotional times and needs advice and support. What gives with all this negativity?
In my opinion, you do need to think about some type of therapy. You need to talk out whatever is going on with someone unbiased that can also hear your background and know the other problems that surround this issue at its core and are fueling this fire.
Moving is stressful in general. Don’t let some random person tell you that you sound “not okay.” That’s not right or kind. You may have some mental issues you’re going through right now, but that does not make you NOT okay. You have every right to have feelings. And obviously jokes don’t help in situations like this so while the other posters might not have meant to offend you with their light-heartedness, I can understand how that would difficult to stomach during an already emotional time.
You may also want to go to a doctor and get tested after living in an unknown mold situation. It can be the reason for a lot of mental weakness, confusion, anxiety and a whole heap of other health problems that you may be unaware of, otherwise hurting you in this current state of your life.
Finally: you are not WRONG for having feelings. You need to work on maturing a bit. And also not holding everyone else to your standards. You may wish them well in their life triumphs, but in life you don’t always get what you give. Try to
Understand that and be happy knowing you’re good in your own heart for being considerate and happy for others. At 67, I wish someone would have told me these things in my 20’s. It’s hard but you’ll
Make it through and come out a better and happier person in the end. A little self-examination and discovery never hurt dear!Your problem is that your dad isn’t that impressed with your accomplishment.
Because it’s just not all that impressive, really. You moved out of an apartment into a better apartment—and since you live hand-to-mouth, your boyfriend’s parents and your mom had to give you cash and household items to make that happen.
It’s simply not an event that warrants a big acknowledgment. If your dad was super excited when your sisters moved in with their boyfriends and bought them all kinds of housewarming stuff, you could claim favoritism, I guess.
Dude, she’s not okay. She knows it. No shame, get a tune-up. Wtf, we all have at some point. Don’t put a stigma on it, Hans.
I agree that you sound like you could benefit from some therapy. You obviously have a lot of issues with your parents, especially your dad. A therapist can help you work through your anger and hurt.
As for the apartment: congrats on the move up. I recently moved to a bigger place with my husband and two kids. It’s our first time owning a place and it’s much bigger and nicer than our last place, which was kind of a dump. We spent two years looking for this and it was a really stressful ordeal from start to finish. No one threw me a parade. It was a really big deal for us, but I didn’t expect anyone else to really care. I’m surprised you’d expect anyone to care all that much that you moved from a 500-sf rental to a 900-sf rental. It simply isn’t that big of a deal to anyone else. That your boyfriend’s parents drove 5 1/2 hours to help you move and paid for your security deposit is nice but it’s also a little… odd. Had he been sick or something? In a financial crisis? I’ve just never heard of a grown adult’s parents traveling so far and spending so much to help move from one rental to another unless there’s some sort of problem going (illness, divorce, mental problems, natural disaster, etc.) on or the kid is graduating from college and the move coincides with graduation or something like that.
Anyway, congrats on the move. Go see a therapist to help with your parent issues.
She didn’t lash out actually.
She had a human reaction to people dogging on her about her situation she’s having emotional distress over.
Maybe if you weren’t so cold hearted, you’d actually read this thread and see that. The first comment she got was saying her father is probably pissed she’s not married and moving into a second apartment with her boyfriend. How is she supposed to react to that? Than she’s got some joker trying to make light of a situation that is obviously causing chaos in her life. There’s a little truth in every joke; right anonymousse? You belittled her happy situation and made her look like an idiot for being excited about something in her life. Not everyone looks at signing a lease with their partner as not a big deal.
Hope everything works out Shelby. Try to look online for some free or low-cost health care and therapy coverage. It did a world of help for me.
Yeah, guys, seriously, ya’ll are treating Shelby like a hostile witness on the stand, and she actually acknowledged several of your points in her follow up, and said it was the kick in the ass she needed. So what if she bristled at being called entitled? Her parents asked her to move out while she was a sophomore in college, which is actually kind of young. I was out of the house by necessity at 17, and it is hard when you don’t have a support network. I’m not saying her situation is the same, but if she’s been supporting herself since then and she’s around 25 at this point, then being called entitled after that would unsurprisingly ruffle her feathers.
I mean, don’t we WANT LW’s to be able to implement the advice we give, not feel totally attacked? This happens a lot on here, and it honestly keeps me from commenting. Of course there are LW’s that go bananas simply bc they want affirmation and not advice, but not every LW is like that, and Shelby doesn’t seem to be.
Shelby- like others have said, I think therapy is a good idea. It’ll help you accept your parents for who they are and learn to adjust your expectations. I actually started going to therapy at 25 because of something similar and it’s made a world of difference. Good luck.
Sometimes you end up with parents that aren’t all that good at parenting. You end up with parents that favor another child or children. You end up with parents that are seriously disappointing. I know because I have a mom like that. The only emotion my mom experiences whenever something good happens in my life is jealousy that my sister might not have whatever it is. She has specifically tried to make things in my life not nice just to ensure that my sister has something nicer. That includes everything from haircuts and clothes when I was a teenager to my wedding. I expect nothing from my mom. She does still manage to annoy me at times. She started calling me as I was leaving for work. It was the perfect time to call and not talk. Then she could tell people she had a nice chat with me without saying her idea of a nice chat was me having to say I was on my way out the door to go to work. I finally told her to quit calling me at that time and then I quit answering the phone when she continued. She would also call me on her way back from visiting my sister and would make sure she called as they were pulling into a rest area or when they were pulling into their driveway. It was the same thing, she couldn’t possibly talk because they were at a rest area or at home but she was the one calling me when she couldn’t talk. This was a five hour drive so she had plenty of time to call when they weren’t stopping. It was just rude. I expect nothing from her in life. That is just the cold reality of my mom. I think you need to face the cold reality of your dad. Don’t expect what you will never get. That will only make you unhappy.
As far as your new apartment it is a nice step for you and your boyfriend but most people will see it as just another apartment. Most people have moved from one apartment to another and don’t see it as much of any change.
Enjoy your new apartment because it makes you happy. It doesn’t matter whether your dad cares or not. You can be happy without him. Spend your emotional energy where it will be valued. Don’t waste it on your dad.
In the short term, I would tell your mom congratulations on the new beach condo and you’re looking forward to seeing it some time, but right now you are busy settling in to your own new place so you’ll have to take a raincheck on driving up there with her.
Kate- no stigma given. As I suggested therapy. And have gone for many years due to acute chronic depression.
I was just saying you don’t need to be so blunt and call her out on on being “okay”. You obviously might need some therapy yourself. Or perhaps some empathy training. Manners classes? I don’t know but your attitude towards the mentally distressed is actually what is NOT OKAY.I’m okay, Hans, thank you so much for your empathy.
The reason I’m arguing with Shelby is because we’ve all moved out of apartments into other, better apartments with little-to-no fanfare from our parents. In fact, many of us did NOT get a security deposit/household stuff, which she got from both her boyfriend’s parents and her mom.
And yet it’s not enough for Shelby. She also wants her dad to praise her/help her move/whatever it is that she truly wants from him.
And my initial suggestion as to why dad was unenthusiastic was met with anger. I didn’t say Dad was right—but my own father didn’t throw a parade when I moved in with my boyfriend-now-husband, either. And that is a common attitude for fathers. But she chose to take it as a personal attack, so whatever.
Just want to take the time and say thank you to the people who gave kind and understanding advice without judgement.
Yes my feathers were ruffled at being called entitled and being told I was not okay after dealing with mental issues for years. It’s a sensitive subject and I think anyone would understand how that could hurt someone’s feelings.
As for being entitled- yes Tara is right. I have been self- sufficient since the age of 19 so being called entitled is a hot button.
Sorry if you thought I was lashing out; it’s really hard to read someone over the internet I suppose. I was merely upset that everyone was taking my own personal problem and making me out to be a crazy person and being attacking in their comments. No one knows the whole situation so I guess it is my fault for posting it on here, hoping for some kind of support. Anywhere.
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