Fiancée no longer wants to get married
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Thanks. The fiancee’s statements and the OP’s letter make far more sense if they are British. He still needs to see a lawyer to prevent his child being whisked away when his (former?) partner dies. I still think her parents are behind this.
We actually have no idea who is behaving strangely.
We don’t know them, or what really happened.The story is weird.
“My partner and I have been together a few years and it seemed early on that marriage was on the cards. We’re both in our forties and I have been married previously (I have two children too). After we moved in together we decided to try for a baby, first time we conceived, we’d spoken about marriage before so I proposed and she cried and said yes.”
The baby is six months old now.
It’s been roughly 16 months since she got pregnant and yet, marriage was on the table immediately and they got pregnant as soon as they started trying.
It’s a interesting story line and series of events. Not one of us said what she said was a normal or okay reaction. Just that it’s under, given her situation m that she might say something totally nuts!
She is literally dying, facing death and mortality and the incredible hormonal surge of having a six month old. If your wife in that situation says something abnormal or unusual, you probably wouldn’t then go immediately to threatening this love of your life, right?
I don’t think our responses are strange.
This story is weird.
I don’t agree that saying you won’t let custody of your own child, whom you are currently living with and raising, be taken away from you, is “threatening the love of your life.”
You are engaging in this complete moral inversion, where she’s threatening something fairly awful that she has no right to do, and his saying that he won’t let it happen is a “threat” from him.
How do you know she’s doing something awful that she has no right to do? Do you know that this guy isn’t a danger to his child in some way? Not in any way irresponsible? That he’s not using drugs? That he’s completely capable of raising a daughter by himself? That he doesn’t have anger issues? That he’s in fact an excellent dad?
How do you know that?
Should have gotten married before you decided to have kids and buy a house though. Because now your daughter is in this position.
You probably would get custody, as you say, but something’s really extremely wrong if your partner doesn’t think you should.
“How do you know she’s doing something awful that she has no right to do? Do you know that this guy isn’t a danger to his child in some way?”
Obviously we can’t know for certain, but if we accept that OP is telling the truth, then this isn’t the case. He seems utterly confused about why she is doing this. From just what is in the original post, she hasn’t told him why. If it were something like drugs, alcoholism, anger/violence or refusal to do what a parent of an infant needs to do to care for the infant, then I think she would have told him why, or at least said something like “you know why.”
I don’t believe marriage would mean his daughter inherited none of her wealth. I think she could leave it all in trust for her daughter. This guy says he’s not interested in her money, so he probably would accept that. Why is she so determined to give her child and her $ to her parents?
And what in the world does “you’d benefit too much from my death” mean, other than misplaced anger at the fact that she is dying.
“ He seems utterly confused about why she is doing this. From just what is in the original post, she hasn’t told him why. If it were something like drugs, alcoholism, anger/violence or refusal to do what a parent of an infant needs to do to care for the infant, then I think she would have told him why, ”
He may have left out a lot of context that would explain why the mother of his child would decide she thinks it would be better for her parents to raise their child.
Ron, people routinely leave out whatever parts of the story suit them. I’m almost 99% the amount of parents writing in saying their baby mama’s dying of cancer who don’t want them to be the sole heir would probably leave out if they were a very irresponsible parent.
His title isn’t she’s taking my daughter, it that she doesn’t want to get married, FFS.
Yes, Fyodor…I’m somehow completely missing huge things that stand out like…
“But she doesn’t think I can raise our daughter.”
“Obviously this hurt me greatly so I said “it doesn’t matter what your will says on that, I’m her father with parental responsibility I’ll challenge it in court as I’m not losing my wife and daughter at the same time” that’s when she said “I don’t want to get married, you get too much benefit from my death if I die before you”. I asked what she meant, she said that I can get all her life Insurance, pensions etc and that our daughter and her parents would get nothing.”
I mean…
She’s allowed to make her end of life wishes say what she wants, they are not married. What great advice should you give this guy, get a lawyer, maybe then she’ll reconsider and marry you?
I don’t think that’s going to get him what he wants either. That’s why I asked questions.
It’s Mr. and Mrs. Smith, cancer and maybe booze/addiction version? We have no idea.
Not many women turn on a dime and say nope, don’t want to marry you nor leave my daughter to you in my own personal will. Maybe/Probably because you hate her parents? I don’t know. We can all keep speculating. Asking questions usually gets the answers faster than arguing amongst ourselves.
I can totally imagine having a baby and cancer and suddenly realizing he’s a piece of shit. Happens every day on these very pages. No offense, OP. I don’t know you or your personal story or if you’re a great dad or a piece of shit dad.
Like, what’s more likely, this woman is batshit crazy and/or being brainwashed by her insane parents well into her 40s? .., Or she has some legitimate concerns about her baby’s well being?
I know, I mean I have had kids and know what hormones feel like and I’ve had three friends die of cancer before they turned 40. One before 30 had cancer twice,
So I can say most women I’ve seen in my life handle all sorts of shit in the world with grace and strength. I see a lot more cheating, second mistresses, drug and alcohol issues and weird online porn shit from guys having mental breakdowns because they’ve found a white hair or something. I jest but really.I’m sorry, I know I’m sarcastic, often have a paranoid and negative view of the men featured on this site (not the commenters, the jerks in the posts) and scathing but I’ve been through a lot and most women I know have and most of us don’t behave like this from nothing at all. I’m not saying women are angels, because we’re not but I think there’s more here. And he can hire a lawyer but a lawyer can’t make her love you again and want to marry her.
