Friends are cold toward our new friend. Won’t tell me why.
- This topic has 6 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hello everyone,
I’m hoping someone will take some time out of their day and give this confused man some advice.
Ages listed to help with context if useful.
I moved across the US 3 years ago for work. After a few months I joined a gaming group that was two married couples. Jason and Dani (M25/F28) both work with me and introduced me to the other couple Kevin and Sasha (M30/F28). A few months after Hannah (F31) joined. Hannah had just started working with Sasha and they became fast friends. We get together at least once a week for board games, food, and bad movies. Best part of my week are these nights. I host. I consider all 5 of them to be my closest friends and my found family on this side of the country.
About 6 months ago Jason and Dani introduced us to Beth (F34). She fit in with the group immediately. Even when we weren’t hanging out the group chats were always active and everyone was getting along. Then a few weeks ago Beth played in her first session of Dungeons and Dragons with us. And while I thought it would be fun by the time we started playing the air seemed tense. I’m not sure what happened but that day forward everyone was a lot colder to Beth and I can’t figure out why. The day before DND group chat was all memes and talking about being excited to play with Beth’s character. Day of and everyone is short with her and a bit short with me as well. I can’t explain it but it was all just “off.” Short responses, less engagement, and everyone wanted to call it a night over an hour earlier than usual. Just a bad night all around. Felt extra bad for Beth since she came over early to go over her character rules and help make snacks for the table.
I asked everyone the day after what was going on but everyone denied there being an issue. I asked Beth and she said she’s as confused as I am. It’s been a few weeks since and Beth has stopped hanging out with us though we still talk. She feels like she’s done something wrong but nobody will talk to her about it. Dani was the one who knew her first but she’s completely iced her out. The couples and Hannah want to get together and hang out but when I mentioned Beth they gave some weak excuse about her not “being a good fit” and wouldn’t explain further. They are ok with me now but Beth’s still a problem? I don’t get it.
How can I get them to tell me what is going on?
That is strange. If something did happen you think your friends would bring it up. I get sometimes people just don’t have chemistry, but to be that cold feels like maybe Beth said something that your friends might have thought was insulting? Not sure. I don’t have any advice, but I do feel for you as this situation seems very awkward.
the other two couples see your group as a group of 3 couples. Beth threw off that dynamic. You were no longer “coupled” with Hannah.
I’ve been asked by Dani and Sasha if I was interested in Beth a few times, but I was clear that I only wanted to be her friend. I don’t find Beth attractive because she’s not my type and I’m pretty sure I’m not hers either. We’re just friends and that’s it. I really hadn’t considered this idea that they think of Hannah and I as a third couple, but it’s the closest thing to an answer I have. But if Hannah’s mad at Beth too then she must also see us as an unofficial third couple and that adds more confusion. Would make sense why the mood changed when they realized Beth had been over early if they think we’re secretly into each other.
I don’t really think that’s it… Sounds like something happened with Beth. You said she was introduced to the group by one of the couples, and she fit in at first but that only lasted 6 months. I’m guessing something happened offline or on another group chat. It likely has nothing to do with you. It sounds like it’s between Dani and Beth. I would say just accept it’s one of those things.
I think you just have to accept the situation as it is. Woman are complex creatures. And either something happened or they didn’t like how the group dynamic changed. Maybe hang out with Beth separately. It’s tough but there it’s out of your control.
