I (31F) am falling slowly for my flatmate (30M)
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I (31F) moved to a different country and I moved in with a guy (30M), it’s only been three weeks and I have been feeling all sorts of stuff (butterflies you might say). I look forward to seeing him in the evening after work and having dinner together. I missed having him around on the weekend, although I was doing fun activities myself (hiking, painting and book clubs).
He is very kind and I think he is generally nice so I can not (and do not want to) mistake his niceness to anyhting more, becauase I know the feeling of being mistaken for niceness to romantic feelings. He actually owns the flat and he is renting out a room for me. I am going to be in the country for just a year and I do not have stability and surety about job or/and life after two years meaning I was very unsure about starting any relationship in the country. I have not felt like this for someone in a long long long time. I just do not want to deny this feeling and not sure what to do about it?! He is the perfect flatmate anyone could ask for and that’s because of his amazing personality. We have similar interests and views on stuff. We discuss family, friends, politics, sports and relationships. I do not like the extent of changes in my behaviours because I have been having these things for him.
Yesterday his parents were in town and they invited me to join them for dinner and I was very hesitant (I have anxiety meeting new people un-announced) at first but then I agreed because I really wanted to. I had the best evening in three weeks of my time in a new country. All of them spoke english the entire time just to make me feel included, english is not their first language. I have been strongly feeling these things even more after seeing him with his family.
The parents came to the flat after dinner and we had tea and dessert (his mum brought/made) and we talked for a long time. They knew so much about me since he has been talking about me with them. When they left to their hotel, I looked him in the eye and said Thank you so much for including me I had the best time. He said I am glad you joined us because my parets really wanted to meet you too. We stood in the kictehn (safe space for us, at least for me) for few minutes before going to our respective rooms.
What is going to happen?
Sorry for a long story!
Nobody can tell you what’s going to happen.
From what’s written here, it sounds like your roommate/landlord is a nice, friendly person and none of the details or interactions described make me think he’s interested in you as more than a roommate/friend. Is it possible that because you are new to the country, you’re making small and normal roommate interactions a bigger deal than they are because you’re still getting oriented and adjusted? If I were you, I’d focus on making new friends and building a routine in your new city rather than trying to date your roommate. It sounds like you’re already doing some of that, which is great.
You’ve been there three weeks. I do think there is a high probability of mistaking his niceness for romantic feelings.
Imagine if he were the opposite sex, or you were not attracted to him. Is his parents visiting and inviting you along to dinner nice? Yes, definitely. Does it mean he has romantic or anything other than roommate feelings for you? Definitely not just from what you’ve written. I’ve had roommates do things like this, or their parents. It’s just a nice thing people do, invite the new person in town along.
If you aren’t financially/work stable in that country, or even if you are (I was unclean what you meant) why take it there with your landlord? That, in itself, seems risky and worth more thought.
As with most things in life, I think waiting and seeing is the best move. Him being nice doesn’t mean there are more feeling but it could! You never know what could happen. However, I don’t think it’s probably a good idea to date your landlord you just moved in with.
Falling slowly/you’ve been in country for three weeks.
That’s pretty fast, not slow. Take some time.
Three weeks is not slow. You have a crush. You’re in a new country and you’ve met a considerate person. There is a very wise saying “Don’t shit where you eat.” meaning, don’t put yourself in a situation where you are suddenly living in your ex-boyfriend’s apartment and have to find a new place to live.
He advertised for a roommate, not a girlfriend. There’s no indication here that he’s interested. He seems like a nice, considerate guy.
It’s been 3 weeks. You don’t know him, only the image you’ve built of him by 3 weeks of observation. This is infatuation, a crush.
You need to just be his roommate and get to know him organically. If anything develops, then okay, but you do run a high risk of having to find a new place to live if it doesn’t work out. Better to not shit where you eat, my friend.
Even if he wants a relationship with you, ask yourself what will happen if you break up before your lease runs out.
First of all, thanks a zillion to all the responses and most of you said what I wanted to hear. I think it’s just a crush and as I haven’t had any in the near past so I kind of do not know how to deal with one.
Just to clarify (as my post was not clear enough obviously), I do not think he has feelings for me from the things he did/does, like I mentioned he generally seems like a very kind person. I just wrote down all his behaviours that made me feel this way (not that he gave a hint or something).
I have had flatmates (male and female) before who have become family now and I never felt (mistook) their nicesess to anything more than being kind to a flatmate/friend.
When I mentioned about my stability I meant I am not sure about my future plans to see if I even want to date a person in the country. Which is a whole another isse in itself but I just wrote down all my emotions and confusions at once.
I am extremely grateful to have found a flatmate/landlord like him which has made my “moving-to-different-country” less “lonely” or less anxious.
once again, thank you! You people are the best! Wish you all a great day!I am not in love love, I just find him perfect (so far)! He fits my subjective definition of perfection. Thanks for the reply, I am going to slow it further down::)
It’s not my first time in a new country and living with the opposite sex person who is kind. But you are right, as you said I am focusing on making friends and finding a routine to fit all my hobbies. Thank a lot!! 🙂
From now, every time my heart flutters I am going to remind myself of your first line! 🙂 Thank you!
I have been living with him for three weeks, but I have known him for almost three months now. We spoke twice over the phone (before I moved to the country) to discuss about the rent and we discussed about our personalities to see our compatibility as “flatmates”. And we exchanged quite some messages. Anyways, it still too fast and I get your point. I am not willing to shit where I eat! Thanks a lot! 🙂
