I cannot tell if this is a green flag or the reddest flag ever.
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I don’t know, call me an asshole but it sounds manipulative! Like, he knows he can be manipulative, he said that. And he knows exactly what he’s doing when he sits right next to a woman and keeps touching her. He didn’t ask you if you were ok with being touched. Like hey, totally feel free to tell me if I’m annoying you. He knows what message he’s sending by touching you: that he’s physically interested. Yet he doesn’t bother to make sure you’re comfortable. And then he kind of “negs” you with the fist bump to keep you guessing. I mean, that last part at your car could just be him being conscious of making you feel safe, but why wasn’t he interested in your feeling of safety in the theater? You actually did feel uncomfortable enough to move away from him and it sounds like he didn’t pick up on that cue.
I don’t like it.
I don’t know. I guess to talk a bit longer than we did outside. But he did have to catch a bus, so perhaps out of time? I also had a hug in the back of my mind too. I’m surprised he didn’t go for one.
IDK. My take is still that you’re jumping the gun. This man is an acquaintance but you’re scouring his internet presence for evidence of your compatibility (or lack thereof) — highly recommend against this as a general rule of thumb — and looking to fairly innocuous interactions to determine his level of interest in you. And you do want him to be interested in you. And by your standards, what you’ve uncovered online is a yellow flag. So, get to know him keeping in mind what you’ve already learned. Find out if you actually like him. All this speculation is kind of a waste of time IMO.
Noted. I agree I got ahead of myself. Just going to go with the flow and not put expectations on anything.
I don’t think you’re wasting your time speculating. I mean, yes, in the sense of “does he like me,” and “what does his body language mean,” it’s true that you can’t know, we can’t tell you, and you’d have to get to know him better to figure out if he you even like him.
But! You did identify as least a yellow flag, I think more trending toward red given he said he “can be” manipulative. And so I don’t think you’d be wasting your time to take a little closer look at his online comments and stuff, because I think if you see ANYTHING that’s a bad take on women, you can just move on.
Also you said you’re a late bloomer. Any relationship experience or history of controlling and manipulative men in your life? Have you had healthy relationships?
I haven’t had any relationships. So, I’m excited for connection, which is why I probably ruminated on this dude for too long. 😛
Oh that’s interesting. And what’s been the biggest factor preventing you from having had relationships? And can you just say when you write in that you are the artist formerly known as taco Tuesday? Because we are always going to get there eventually.
OMG. He’s a loser. If you find a bunch of disconcerting things RIGHT AWAY- sure meet him in public but I wouldn’t even waste my time. I think a movie is a weird first date. You can’t talk. He was touching you? You don’t know him. And then he friendzoned you. Which is a clear sign you need to stop thinking of this guy that way.
Damn TT. Please seek therapy.
If you are a late bloomer you need to watch out for potentially abusive men, not try to see if you like them in person.
Trust me.
So, I thought this was the commenter who had posted a couple times who wanted a guy’s number and they’d hung out for six hours but asking for his number was still somehow too weird.
Anyway, I thought/think it’s weird to be able to point out someone’s potentially serious flaws while still so clearly wanting their interest. But I do stand by what I said. If it’s a yellow fag **to you**, proceed with caution. (Same could be said for red flags that aren’t outright dealbreakers.) And social stalking as a way of “getting to know” someone is problematic. But if you’re Taco Tuesday, therapy.
This wasn’t a first date since it was a group outing/invite for the entire book club. It sounds like two acquaintances, one of whom was playfully elbow nudging the other in the ribs at the mention of their shared space.
T H E R A P Y.
