I can't reach her…
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Oh, so you don’t want to date her, you just want to text with her? Or what? I’m confused. She’s going to be confused.
But yes, you could ask her if she’d like to have dinner with you at a cafe or pub, and then go there and meet her. That would not be confusing.
There’s not like, a magical code word or series of sentences that are going to make her want to open up to you. Either she likes you enough to open up or she doesn’t.
Weird. I posted before but that post seems to have disappeared.
You cannot manufacture the instant love connection that seems to be your goal. Get to know her better. That happens with time, not with dramatic gestures or corny lines.
You say you can’t ask her out for dinner because she lives away from university. But, you and she are in a class together at university. So, ask her to get coffee, lunch, whatever (attend a guest lecture together, see a concert/play on campus). Your problem, to me at least, seems to be that you are desperate to avoid the rejection of asking her out and she says no. If you think as highly of her as you do, then she’s worth the risk. If you aren’t able to take that level of risk, then you aren’t mature enough to date anyway. All of this nonsense about breaking down her wall, solving the puzzle of what she’s thinking comes down to one thing: you are afraid to ask her out unless you’ve already found out that her answer will be yes. No magic way to get to that point. You have to just take your chances. I don’t know a guy who hasn’t asked a woman out and been rejected. You have to learn to deal with that.
If I had to guess, I’d say that her parents don’t allow her to date is the highest probability. Second highest is she doesn’t want to date you. Third is she can’t understand why you haven’t asked her for coffee/date/whatever already and is on the verge of writing you off as too socially immature.
You say you are in a class together so see if you can meet up on campus. You don’t need to drive to where she lives. See if she would like to meet for coffee after class or after her classes are done for the day or meet to get something to eat before she drives home or maybe meet for breakfast or lunch on campus.
…stop turning things into drama without the other person’s involvement, that’s fucking creepy.
Dude, all this dramatic talk about she could be the “one, pure innocent thing” in your life or that you’re destined to be alone unless you are successful with her….just, no. You said you’re in a class with her so simply ASK HER OUT as many, many people have already said. “Hey, I’m starving, want to get a burger after class?” Or “Did you see that hilarious looking movie comes out this weekend? Want to see it with me?” And see what she says. Her answer should tell you whether she’s interested in getting to know you more. If she says no, say OK and back off.
She’s not pure, innocent perfection. She’s not a puzzle. She’s not your you’re one shot at happiness. You’re 18 years old. She’s just a person like you. Texting her that you want to get to know her more and if she doesnt then you’ll leave her alone sounds sort of yucky and manipulative. Her choices are either accept your romantic overature or lose you as a friend entirely. Asking her out, like an adult, will tell her very clearly that you want to get to know her. Or just keep thinking up reasons that you cant- which means you arent ready/mature enough to date yet. And that’s ok! A lot of teenagers aren’t yet and you have plenty of time. Also you might want to pick up a book about the subject, this might help you? A quick google search recommends a few titles including “What Smart Teenagers Know about Dating, Relationships, and Sex” or “Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy”
If she has a wall up and it’s obvious, it will take time. She has been very hurt before thus of course she does not want to feel that hurt again. Have patience and if you truly mean what you say, if you stick by her unlike people who haven’t to her in the past, she won’t be able to help but slowly let her guard down. Do not do this if you have ANY ill intentions. Patience 🙂
For fuck’s sake, do not listen to this last person’s advice.
If you want to date her, ask her out. Your obsession with not wanting to “overcomplicate things” is just your fear of rejection. You are terrified she will reject you. Instead of asking her out, you’re hoping you can stick it out and win her over instead of just asking her out and risking rejection.
Life is filled with rejection, and seeing as you’re only 18, be prepared for a fuck ton more rejection in your life. That’s just part of being an adult. The earlier you embrace rejection as part of life and a way to grow, the better off you will be. Or you could continue to obsess over women to a point where you push them away because they are increasingly creeped out by you.
If you want to date her, ask her out. If you can’t ask her out now, then accept it and move the fuck on.
Yeah. It’s often frustrating, I know, but very common for the people you want to date to simply not want to date you. I get it. It sucks. But sometimes that’s just the way things go. Find somebody else, LW.
“I want something good, innocent and beautiful in my life and she is the
perfect fit…. Cant you just give me an idea, a clue, a tip, something…
Asking her out is an idea yes, but before that what kind of things can I do
to weaken the wall?But I dont want her to think that it is not that big of a deal if she
rejects me, cause it is a big deal…”All of the above is creepy. You don’t need to weaken her wall, you don’t need to worry about “sneaking in”. Rejecting you also shouldn’t be framed as a big deal. As the others have stated rejection happens to everybody multiple times. You’ll live.
If you’re really interested in her (like you claim) then you ask her out. You don’t need to be a mind reader to date. You don’t need to be some psychic ninja wall weakener. You just need to be genuine and ask the person out and get to know them. That’s what dating is. Shared experiences, lots of conversation, always getting to know more about each other.
