I have a MAJOR crush on my married boss!
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I think you overreacted which made others react badly to you.
I fantasise about a man in the gym with this back that I just want to scratch and… well, you know. And of course one’s mind wanders but I don’t for a second believe that one day he and I could do things to each other. Because I am happy with the man I’m with now (even if we have knock down fights about wall sockets) and I’m sure the pool boy would never meet up to my fantasies.
So it’s okay to think about him but recognise that it’s only a harmless crush, it doesn’t have to be more than that. It can give you a give you a nice smile at work, your secret crush but as others said, make sure you keep your eyes open for an available guy that has the qualities that you like in this person.
If you see your therapist once a month or less you should give her a call and see if you can get an additional session soon. This should be addressed sooner rather than later. I like the suggestion of sending her to this thread to read your automatic reactions, thoughts, and way you interacted with others so she can have time to review this before seeing you next.
Did she seriously give no feedback on the situation you presented or was there something else she decided to tackle first? If she just completely disregarded this crush or if it seemed less built up in your head the way you presented it to her then I could see her not taking it up. Otherwise, she’s not a good therapist or you didn’t hear what she said on the topic which could be similar to the way that you didn’t hear a lot of the advice in this topic either.
Sarah, I know it can be hard to hear from others that they think you need psychological or therapeutic help. It can feel like an insult or like they’re calling you crazy. But I can tell you getting help, acknowledging you have problems that you can’t handle alone, is a mature and intelligent decision. I can also say we on DW mean it with the best of intentions.
I think the problem a lot of us have had is your insistence that “anything could happen”, it makes it seem like this goes deeper than a crush and into a place where this is affecting your life and mental health in a negative way. It’s important that you understand that, while I guess technically it “could” happen, their marriage could fall apart and he could be instantly over it and you could find a new job and he could fall madly in love with you, the likelihood of that is so infinitesimally small that it shouldn’t even be a consideration for you. If that fantasy is taking time and energy away from a healthy life, and it seems like it is, it’s time to talk to your therapist more in depth about it and take the advice here about how to move on.
I’m only a quarter of the way through but I am thoroughly absorbed in this fiasco! It reminds me (somewhat fondly) of the fights on AIM we’d have in middle school with our close friends after school. I loved how there was actually some great advice peppered in too! Well done
Sarah’s right, we all need help. Who will come and finish giving my bathroom a second coat of paint? And clean up all the dust from the rewiring? Anyone?
Dang. 🙁
Ok nookie don’t start that is not what I meant. I mean don’t point fingers calling me mental when I’m not
Nobody said you were ‘mental’ (and that’s kind of a loaded word, you might want to consider not using it)
Many of us, including myself, have been to some kind of counselling. It’s not ‘mental’ to realise that you might need some help with your emotions and thought patterns, it’s actually quite a strong and reasoned thing to do.
Please paint my bathroom? Or just sweep a little? C’mon….
All I can say is she’s gonna need a much thicker skin if she plans on taking on the life of the lover of a divorced man (with kids?) There’s a whole world of headaches she’s in for!
