I have a MAJOR crush on my married boss!
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Ok, here’s the deal with the whole “wait until the guy comes along” thing…your happiness has to come from within. A guy won’t magically make the depression go away and it won’t magically make things better. That happiness and acceptance HAS to come from you. I know how it feels to be rejected by guys so trust me, I get it, but you can’t sit around waiting for a man to make things all better. You will only be disappointed. Ultimately YOU are responsible for taking charge of it, whether that means going to therapy or taking antidepressants or whatever. And yeah in time a guy who is worth it may come along, but it isn’t a magic fix. The only thing that would change is you would be depressed and you would have a boyfriend.
I’m truly very sorry for what you go through Sarah, and I’m sorry you face depression daily. I don’t personally deal with it, but I know friends who do and I know it sucks.
Lyra ur 100% on point which is what my parents && therapist tell me. Guys don’t solve problems but you can make changes. I know only myself can make myself happy. I just don’t know where to start. I fuck up everyhing I do so I’ve gotten to the point of giving up on everything I do. I don’t like myself very much. I may even quit my job. I already fucked up enough for them to hate me. I just don’t know anymore about anything. Life is meaniless to me seriously.
Life has meaning when you have reasons to step outside of yourself. It sounds wrong, but you have to find things more important than how you feel, because how you feel is often your depression playing tricks on you, holding you hostage to bad thoughts. So start by doing something nice tomorrow for someone you know, a little thing, and also doing something nice for yourself. Two things. A small start. You build from there, a bit at a time, until you have a day full of kindness. Kindness to others will be returned to you in time; and helps you see goodness in the world. Kindness to yourself gives you strength to overcome feelings of worthlessness.
I always try to be kind always but it always backfires on me. Ppl like to walk all over me like I’m a doormat
Then do something kind for an animal. Give your pet a treat, fill a birdfeeder. Or do something kind for a stranger, like donating something to a shelter.
Sarah, if I might make a suggestion, you really need to consider your own responsibilities, too. You seem to have a real hair-trigger defense mechanism that casts you in an ugly light. Pretty much all the posters here have attempted to help you, despite your all-caps profanity laced refusal to consider the problem that you yourself brought up.
Someone like that is honestly not all that pleasant to be around, which is part of what got us going…better to treat ugliness with humor than with anger, you know? You say that you’ve made everyone hate you at work, then you say you let people walk all over you.
How long have you been seeing your therapist? I wonder how much she actually challenges your behavior when it is inappropriate. From what you have demonstrated here, it seems as though you haven’t really learned behavior boundaries. An example is when we have told you directly that it’s not only not polite, but completely ineffective, to insult people using four-letter words and caps, you seem to get angrier and take it personally, rather than just accepting that boundary.
You struggle with logic, which I see in my adoptive son. Did you have a neglected childhood? The similarity makes me wonder.
Truly, though, and I am not trying to provoke your beast of defensiveness…you really need to work on how you accept criticism (boundaries) and advice–particularly when it comes to advice you’ve asked for.
Also, read this article and see if it helps you understand better what we are saying to you about your “anything can happen” mantra. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishful_thinking
Again — to Sarah B. You must have like the worst therapist on the planet. There are MANY scenarios where I imagine a therapist justifiably saying… “Gee, I dunno…” But after hearing a client talk about a crush on her married employer is ABSOLUTELY not one of them. Sorry, but your therapist is a fucking hack.
Good grief. What is this obsessive need of the OP to have the last say? I think what she needs is to say “stfu” && everyone else stops commenting. I guess it would mean she “won”??
The thing is, if every guy you meet is blowing you off, or if every time you try to do something nice you’re treated like a doormat, you have to look at the common denominator in all of this, which is you. It could be that you are coming across negatively, it could be that you think you’re being nice when really youre being manipulative or needy. I’m not saying you are, just that it’s possible. It’s important that you get your emotional health in order, including your depression, self esteem, decision making, and social skills. Once those things are in order the other things should come into place more easily. Honestly I’m not sure that trying to date right now is even a good idea considering what you’re describing: severe depression, hopelessness, difficulty with others, etc. not to mention this fixation on your boss. It may be that you need more therapy or a different kind in conjunction, you should definitely have a medical doctor involved as well and try some medications. It just seems clear that you need more help than you’re getting
Ethan was my favorite on Passions
@mnjammer my in-laws are in Duluth, I get up there quite oftenSarah, yes, this crush/your romantic life in general is the least of your worries if you think life is meaningless. I work with people with all types of depression and you have to address this while you’re young. I’ve seen some pretty extreme cases and I know that addressing these things earlier than later is always better.
Keep developing insight. I too worry that you have become too comfortable with your current therapist as therapists should always be challenging you in some way. Consider medications, they can really help with the brain/body balance sometimes. Keep working hard at your job and try to stay part of your activities even though I understand the urge to pull away.
