I have a MAJOR crush on my married boss!
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My sister and I are a little over five years apart — which seemed huge until she turned 21… Now we are beyond tight. I must chat on the phone with her six days a week… All of my friends who (sadly) do have MAJOR sibling drama tend to be one or two years apart in age… It seems to promote much more rivalry, somehow. Sometimes the rivalry is endless — or so it seems.
I think the amount of rivalry highly depends on the parents. Parents who triangulate with their kids can REALLY screw up a relationship between siblings. In my observation, the closer age gaps are more prone to triangulation for whatever reason (maybe because it starts with an impatient, “Why can’t you…?”). If the kids are further apart, perhaps the parents have more realistic expectations of each? Or they’re such a different developmental stage that the competition is lower?
Eh, I don’t know if it’s the parents — really. I friend’s who hate ONE sibling but LOVE another even though they are all spaced two years apart. (think 8, 10, and 12) Somehow, even all grown up, the oldest and middle HATE one another (for rather dubious reasons.) Meanwhile, they both both love the youngest… who is now constantly dealing with drama between the other two.
Yeah, there were actually quite a few kids in high school who had siblings a couple years older or younger than them and it seemed like a 50/50 split between getting along and hating each other royally.
I can’t imagine my neices who are 2 years apart, 6 & 4, getting along when they’re older because one’s clearly Sis in law jr and the other’s clearly my brother jr. Just so different yet they always have to spend time together.
My mom is the oldest of four kids, all born within five years. There was so much sibling rivalry and dealing with stressed-out parents, that my mother decided she’s space her kids much further apart. as a result, my sister and I are nearly 7 years apart (no kids in between, and no miscarriages or fertility issues, that I know of). That age difference was like a freakin’ gulf growing up – allison and I were always at such incredibly different stages, and then she was only 11 when I left home for college. It almost felt like each of us was an only child in some ways. I wished I’d had a sibling closer in age, but not so close that there would be all the rivalry that apparently existed among my mother and her siblings as kids, which is why I’m spacing my kids like we’re doing (Jackson will be 3 years, nine months when his sister is born in July). Obviously, I don’t know yet what their sibling dynamic will be like but I think it’s so sweet how very, very excited Jackson is and how he is already saying how much he loves his baby sister, and I don’t think he would have been like that a year ago (because he just wouldn’t have understood so well what was happening and probably wouldn’t feel as ready as he does now for a new family member).
The biggest drama we run into is with my younger brother – he’s mad that my older brother and I (and our spouses) do ‘big kid’ things (like go to the bar) without him when the family gets together. When I pointed out that the last few times we took him out, he didn’t buy any rounds and mooched off us the whole time (a product of him not having a job), he was like “Oh, I thought it was because I was the kid brother and you didn’t want to hang out with me because I’m young”. Nope, it’s just that you’re a 24 year old who is still fully supported by your parents and don’t have any spending money. He is getting closer to being a functioning adult, and I think our relationship will really improve when he reaches that point.
I agree with BGM. My brother and I are 3.5 years apart, and we really didn’t get close until I hit 20ish.
MOTHER OF PEARL!
Long time lurker inspired to comment by this thread.
I had a very unproductive workday thanks to this thread. And bought cinnamon rolls. Does this make me sheep?
I’m the youngest of 5 by many many years – my older brothers and sisters are 12 and 10 years respectively older than me. And it sucked. They were off to college by the time I was 7 so I don’t even remember a home full of kids on a regular basis – just for holidays. My mom always says how lucky I was that I basically had 3 moms and 3 dads… to which I point out, sure, but it also meant I basically had 3 moms and 3 dad! Talk about pressure. And you can’t backtalk to siblings that much older. Even to this day, they’ll be like “Oh hey Addie, hop up and run and grab my glasses.” … (a) I’m 36, not 6, and (b) “hop up and run” does not trick me into thinking it will be a quick, effortless thing and (c) i don’t wanna, get it yourself! For fuck sake.
My brother is two years older than me. We couldn’t be more different, and we’ve always fought. My half sister is 8 years younger, and we have always had an awesome relationship, even though she is the precious spoiled baby of the family.
I would like to have a longish gap of maybe 3-5 years… But I don’t know if I’d want to be pregnant then. I want to get it over with! But this thread may convince me to be more patient.
