I went psycho during a breakup
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Abby, it was definitely time for this relationship to end. Having *someone* is not the end all be all. It’s really important to be comfortable with your own company and being alone. When you feel confident and happy with your life you will find higher caliber people and have better relationships. Counseling can help you unpack some of this stuff because these feelings are about you.
“You make excuses for your own bad behavior. Using the words I just wanted doesn’t excuse anything that you did. You have the idea that what you want overrides what he wants and that since you really want it he has to give in and do it.”
Yeah, it made me think a lot about that terrible college kid who kept saying that he wasn’t “entitled” but “just wanted” or “would feel better” if this girl he dated a few times gave him a better and more complete justification for why she wouldn’t have sex with him.
I also think there’s a decent chance you’ll hear from him again if you back the F off and stop contacting him. So be prepared for that.
Not really RB, he’d be termed a psycho..which is appropriate and also applies here. Awesome insight though. ?
You mean “a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention?” Yeah, that’s basically how she described herself and everyone agreed. Thanks for adding value.
This kind of harassment from a guy would carry with it an implicit threat of violence that is rarely present the other way around. I’ve had friends whose gf’s have lost their shit, thrown things, etc. I’d say that both of them found it pretty upsetting but at the same time, they never felt that they couldn’t extricate themselves.
So yeah, I think that our instinctive reactions to these things is probably less unforgiving when women do it, but there’s a reason for it.
I know what I did was wrong by not listening to him when he didn’t want to talk.
It is very painful when you just want to talk to the person and they want nothing to do with you so that made me want to reach out to him more. Yes I pushed beyond his limit which made things worse but I didn’t maliciously do this I am just really upset and trying to talk.
So I posted to see if anyone had felt this way before or had gone through this to see if anyone has advice to help me handle my feelings
Abby,
You need help.If you don’t get help, you will blow up every relationship you have with your anger and emotional issues. I say this from personal experience. Just like you, I used to push people away, and then would go nuts when they had finally had enough.
At some point I made the decision to see a therapist. That’s the best decision I made as a young adult.
You need help. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and make an appointment with a counselor. You are troubled, and I’m sorry for that, but that in no way excuses being terrible to others. You can be better, but you have to make that choice.
Good luck.
You need a therapist to help you handle your feelings. Talk about self-sabotaging…this kind of behavior ruins lives. Meaning, ruins your life. As in, you will lose friends, family members will cut you off, potential boyfriends will run for the hills.
Being upset, even losing your temper is understandable when a relationship is falling apart, but you took it to an absolutely ridiculous level, and there’s no defending it. There are no excuses for behaving the way you did.
I’m not trying to bash you, just trying to make you see that you need to get yourself under control. If you truly can’t do it yourself, then get professional help. There’s no shame in asking for help.
As for this guy: I don’t think the relationship was worth salvaging, fighting all the time over petty crap means you’re not right for each other. But regardless, I think you broke it beyond all hope of recovery. Some things can’t be forgiven. Don’t contact him again, it’ll only lead to more embarrassment. Just take it as the life lesson that it is, and do better next time.
Everyone has felt that way, but all of us have learned how to control our impulses and behave in a more civilized manner. When someone tells you to stop, you need to stop. It’s basic respect to listen to someone else, especially when you say you care about them.
Google anger management tips.
That’s the very least you can do.
I really hope you read what I wrote and take it to heart. We all know how it feels when you want to talk to someone who won’t, but you went WAYYYYYY over the line.Most of us (I assume) grew up in stable households with good parents, who taught us emotional regulation.
Or searched that out in adulthood, like I did.Toddlers have no impulse control. Adults make choices and decisions on how to behave. Please get help.
