I went psycho during a breakup
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It is over, he won’t change his mind.
Even in your posts, you keep repeating yourself. Stop focusing on him and take care of yourself.You didn’t say how old either of you are, but I assume over 18 if you each have your own apartment. Your behavior (and his) is immature. The ball is in his court. Don’t go crawling back to him. You teach people how to treat you. Get a hobby or take lessons in something like tennis, dancing, or take a class. English grammar would be a good start at a Community College. Any and all of these will increase your self esteem.
It is very frustrating when someone won’t listen to you or even giving you some eye contact when you are talking to him. Are you a person that talks too much? The ball is in his court. Don’t go crawling back to him. You teach people how to treat you. A good way to. Meet new people is to take an adult eduction class. Take tennis or dancing lessons. Learn a foreign language, or better yet, take an English grammar class. This will also help your self esteem.
Oh yeah – this is over. Assume that if he reaches out it’s for one of two things: He wants his stuff or he wants sex. Don’t do any further damage by ruining his stuff (just put it in a box in your closet) or by sleeping with him. Your ego will not handle it well.
I’ve read your story and here’s what I can tell you definitively: No one, not even the person with whom you are closest and most intimate can read your mind. Ever.
In this one argument you noted that twice you expected him to read your mind -so in your next relationship figure out how to communicate with a person better.
First you expected him to know why you were angry – and it would seem you held your tongue on the stupid stuff until you couldn’t take it any more. Instead you blew up at him over petty stuff and he felt attacked. So he lashed out. Next time try – “It makes me feel…. when you … can we talk about that?” If someone dismisses your feelings – “you don’t feel that way” that’s a red flag. If they say “I didn’t realize…” then you parry with “So how do we fix it” Relationships are about finding the common path -not bending someone to your way or the highway.
Second -you say right out there “I told him to leave. I wanted him to stop shouting.” Right there – how the hell is anyone supposed to know that. Seriously. Did you say to him: Please, I understand you’re frustrated and angry. Can we talk about this without shouting because I’m worried the neighbors will call the cops to complain about the noise?
It’s also unfair to him because you got him backed into a corner and at that point the only things he can do is: Yell to defend himself. Leave. Agree with you in word but not in deed which will start the fight again but later. Agree with you and do everything that you ask and also start to fart rainbows because that isn’t how life works is it?
In short, you need to grow the hell up.
I’m ashamed to admit it but 8 years ago I had my “pyscho melt down” on an ex. He wasn’t an ex yet at the time but he was on the fast path there. I was desperately trying to make something work with this guy I’m convinced is in love with someone unavailable to him. The peak of my crazy was showing up at his house early and being too stubborn to leave. My peak happened after about a month of dating, maybe. It’s been 8 years since, I still cringe at what I did, but it’s in the past and that sure the eff isn’t me now. He wasn’t emotionally availability or ready for a girlfriend like we both thought he was.
I learned that a guy who wants ME won’t make me want to go crazy. Going crazy is a choice I made, and I didn’t want to do that again. A guy ready to be in a relationship I won’t have to worry about the cops being called because we’re arguing loud because we don’t argue loud.
Heartbreak sucks. You cared about this guy. You learned from your mistakes. Let him go, he doesn’t sound like a catch and it sounds like he was personal development for you.
I love how the go to excuse some of you have is the GUY wasn’t emotionally ready to have a girlfriend and blah bkah blah. More likely he wasn’t ready to have a relationship with somebody he damn well knew would damn well soon go psycho on him… 😉
Right-this guy was treated really poorly even in the 18 hours of their relationship she described. And I’d be shocked if there wasn’t a lot more of this crap going on.
Yes honestly LW your whole post alarms me. I get that people can make mistakes, it happens. But it is time to step back from romantic relationships period for a while and get some therapy. I am a people pleaser, and one thing that really helped me reframe the anxiety I would get when people were upset with me and the desire to fix that upset RIGHTNOWIMMEDIATELYOMG was just practicing mindful, slow breathing and saying to myself “this does not have to be solved right now. The outcome I want is no more or less likely if I wait to address this. I can live with this anxiety for a few days and I will survive. This too shall pass and no matter what I will be ok”.
Get counseling, don’t attempt a romantic relationship until you make some progress and make better choices.
Just to join the chorus, I too had a freakout rather like this, which was the finale of years of slowly increasing on-again off-again drama. I’m not trying to abdicate my own responsibility for my shitty behavior, but he definitely stoked the flames, because he confused drama for passion (in all his relationships), and I started to see it that way too while I was with him. For me, my part in the drama and bullshit was exclusively confined to that relationship–I didn’t ever do anything like it before, and haven’t since. I know how particular personalities can get to you, leading to bad behavior you wouldn’t have thought yourself capable of.
Now I get to carry around the shame and “cringe” (like someone else mentioned) of my lame-ass behavior forever. In retrospect, that shitty situation was SOOO not worth my emotional energy, and even if it was, the most powerful action I could have taken was to walk away rather than feed into the drama.
Please keep in mind that you did not go crazy until AFTER he was ignoring your calls and refusing to speak with you. Don’t blame yourself. That would be infuriating for anyone. Chin up, he’s the wrong guy if he’s triggering these emotions in you.
ignore the above bad advice. Nobody is required to talk to you after they break up with you. Yes, this was your fault. Your behavior precipitated the fight and your lack of emotional control needs fixing.
