Issues in Relationship
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I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and things were going so well..but for the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a few things. The first thing that I did notice was how often he was on his cellphone. The second thing, was that he took pictures of food/crafts that he made to someone on his phone. I thought for sure that it was probably sent to a relative, social media, or a friend that he knew for years…but that wasn’t the case. Come to find out, it was a woman that he met 5 months ago, during our relationship, and he never once mentioned at all anything about meeting a new friend. This person was kept a secret, and I found out about this person only when I had noticed it on his phone while he was checking for something else. Why keep it a secret if this person was just simply a new friend that you treated like any one of your guy friends… I was very upset about it only because it was kept a secret like he didn’t want me to ever find out… Am I wrong for feeling this way and getting upset about it? Do you feel that he was possibly trying to hook up with that person on the side…. Or possibly just wanted a friendship with the opposite sex.. I’m just so confused…
Please don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking this is fine because he’s allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Of course he is. But not like this, where he meets someone and keeps her a secret. This is bullshit.
I don’t think you are wrong for being upset. I’ve had a couple boyfriends cheat on me and a secret friendship with a woman he met while we were together would put me on edge, big time. I can recall instances from my past where I’d notice something that happened that felt outside the norm for these relationships (often innocuous seeming stuff) and bring it up, and I’d be fed lies and made to feel like I was overreacting. My gut was always right, though. So I think if something feels off… it probably is.
Have you ask him about this? What did he say?
Thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate it and really needed to hear from other people. I’ve decided to move on and also focus on my goals. I still can not believe that he couldn’t see the wrong in it for keeping it a secret and having the worst attitude about it.
I’m sure he knows what he’s doing is wrong, but didn’t care and/or want to be held accountable for his behavior. Which is shitty. But, I’m glad to hear you’re moving on and focusing on yourself on your terms rather than sticking around to see if things improve.
If it was just a friend, you would have heard about her as soon as he met her. That’s the difference, and he knows it, which is why he kept it secret and has a bad attitude. He wants to make you feel shitty for “doubting him,” no doubt. People do this when they are wrong, they act affronted like you’re out of bounds for thinking this is weird. It’s not weird, he is being shady AF.
Exactly. He was being totally shady. I just couldn’t believe that he was actually treating me this way when I’ve been only faithful and loving to him.
You sound super sane to me.
His attitude screams one of two things (or both) – he’s flirting with the new person OR he doesn’t think you can handle adult situations and so will always be keeping secrets from you because he doesn’t want to deal with your feelings. That last one includes stuff like financial mismanagement, substance usage, employment issues, etc.
Hello, Rose!
You have every right to be a little concerned. If you’re more than okay with him having friendships with members of the opposite sex, then he shouldn’t find any reason to be sneaky unless he is up to something. I have such a difficult time seeing it any other way than how you described it, as a sneaky way to act if this particular person is “just like one of the guys.” I would honestly say that I have a bad feeling about it because of the sneakiness that is going on with the whole situation. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but something just seems off about it to the point that it’s kind of crossing that line of just being platonic friends.I absolutely agree. I deserve so much better. I’ve moved on from him, and I honestly feel a lot better♥️
