Kid’s Birthday Party Etiquette
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The only disinformation in this thread is the comment that sexual abuse wouldn’t happen at a birthday party. What is wrong with you that you’re still arguing this with people who have been molested?
I should say, “with people who have been molested and as a result are more protective of their kids than our parents were of us.”
That might not even be why this lady wants to stay which is the nutty thing. That’s just a single possibility. There is no good reason not to let her stay other than being rude because she isn’t wanted. The last two years have been hard on everyone, especially parents, especially x 10 most moms. Give her a break.
What I think folks here are missing is that the LW is NOT asking for anyone’s opinion on whether or not she should suck it up and let this parent attend a party she is not invited to. She is asking how to best go about ensuring the woman does not stay because having her stay will make the LW feel uncomfortable in her own home while hosting a kids party for her child.
If you have ever thrown a kids party, or hosted a kids’ playdate, you’ll know the entire dynamic changes if a parent stays as opposed to dropping their kid off and going. For those saying it would be rude to flat-out state parents are not to stay, it is far ruder to have someone in your home and ignore them. Warning them you will ignore them does not make that any less rude.
The LW has plans to entertain her friends during the party, in addition to hosting kids. She does not want to have to change that dynamic by having someone she does not like forcing herself into the mix. There’s nothing wrong with that. She should be able to welcome the people she had invited and not be forced to host people she has not.
This parent has previously left her child alone with the LW for hours, leaves her kid alone with other kids and adults she’ll never meet all day at school, and clearly knows many of the other kids who will be going. So, she can’t be that worried her kid will be molested at eh LW’s house based on her previous interactions with this LW. I can tell you from personal experience that some parents just don’t know when to go and they can reroute your whole afternoon because of it. (There are also others who are so happy to be free of their kids they’ll come 2 hours late after multiple calls – this is possibly even more challenging.)
My kids have been to dozens of parties. The kids are ALWAYS together. No one disappears into another room. They are like hive, buzzing together. These things are only 2 hours long, kids almost never even pee during the party because they don’t want to miss anything. It’s a mass of screaming, playing, eating kids. This isn’t an extended family party with Weird Uncle Dean and creepy cousin Dan. It’s basically a class party with a couple of the LW’s friends who have kids the same age. If this parent is uncomfortable with drop-off parties, then she needs to decline, not force hosts to host a party different from the one they planned.
I always hosted the stayers but I don’t fault anyone who doesn’t want to. Sometimes these moms have no real lives outside their kids and don’t know what to do with themselves. It’s not always about them worried their kid is going to be attacked.
Ask her to leave. When she insists on staying tell her you want her to leave. It’s your only option.
If you can’t be kind, be honest.
I also don’t think any adult expects entertainment from the host at a kid’s party.
What OP is asking is how to respond to a parent who is asking to stay after having already been told it’s a drop off party.
I think it’s legitimate to suggest that it’ll be hard to find a response that doesn’t come off as rude, and that one possible response is to tell the parent that that would be fine. If she really can’t find it in herself to welcome this woman, she can definitely say something like “Actually, Child (or I) would prefer that this party be kids-only, so let’s stick to the drop-off plan.”
Just be prepared for things to get real awkward if/when she spots the other parents in your home at drop-off or pick-up.
Seeing as it’s been several days I assume OP has already replied, curious for an update on what she ended up saying.
Anonymousse – You’d be surprised by what some parents expect. I have hosted many parties of all kinds. What became very popular in my area is the venue party: gymnastics, indoor adventure playgrounds etc. You don’t have to clean your house either before or after, and people can’t force their way into your home. I have had parents I have never met, who were not invited to the party, looking in my fridge for wine, then asking me where it is and being very disappointed I wasn’t serving booze at a third grader’s party in the middle of the day. I’ve had parents complain to me that I only ordered plain cheese pizza for the kids and they, the uninvited parent, liked more toppings. Another year, I had a different parent complain to me for not ordered ONLY plain cheese pizza because all the kids ate the plain cheese and they, the uninvited parent, didn’t like other toppings. It’s crazy. I’ve had adults go in the fridge in my garage looking for leftovers to take home. These people are not poor.
Lucidity, I agree the LW is asking how to respond to a woman insisting on inviting herself to a party she is not wanted at and whose presence would change the host’s experience at her own child’s party. The LW is looking for how to get out of altering the party she wants to have, not to be told that she needs to change her party since surely this woman is just worried her home will be crawling with child molesters.
I too am interested in how she fared.
Yeah, Canadagoose and I have had very similar experiences at kids parties. (And I’ve helped out at a bunch.) Frankly, I can’t wait to hear the LW’s response that so many here thinks she has would be molesters just waiting in the wings at her party. Lots of interesting leaps in this thread.
Hell… If anything, entertaining a clingy parent makes it harder to supervise a bunch of kids.
I wonder if this might be a cultural thing. Here in the midwest kids get dropped off at parties all the time and nobody cares what the parents do, but the parents certainly don’t expect to be entertained. But my Texas friend tells me children’s birthday parties are big affairs and it’s expected the whole family is invited.
The LW already said she thinks her house is perfectly safe. That’s fine, but it’s not more valid than this other mom’s feeling that she wants to keep an eye on her kid.
Hey Mark, maybe you could make your points without making fun of every person on this thread who said they were abused or hurt at a party or trusted friends house. It’s really disrespectful and unnecessary and I’m honestly surprised this thread is up and you’re proud of what you’ve written here. Not one person said they think every neighbor or stranger is going to molest their kid.
I’ve have been utterly destroyed health wise by what happened to me when I was a child this year because my daughter is the same age as me when I was molested. That’s what triggered all my repressed memories and a lot of other horrible memories. I’m sure that’s funny for you to think about, since you weren’t abused or molested as a child.
As someone who says they write for a living I’m surprised you can’t imagine that other children, especially women had very different experiences than you did growing up. To that point, I have heard stories from men, too about bad things happening to them at neighbor hoods homes or whatever. But ha, ha, it’s just a joke and something to insult for Mark. Just all in a days work spreading joy as always.
