most of my life has been consumed with academics
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Pretty much what the title says… I’ve been for a lack of a better word, addicted to school for most of my life; I graduate from college in three semesters and I’m scared.
I had a pretty traumatic home life as a child and teenager so my escapism was school. I immersed myself in my studies, which in return got me positive rewards of great grades and scholarships. Being disciplined and diligent and got into a competitive college. I chose to study a challenging STEM major because I enjoyed Anatomy and Physiology in high school, and the thought of becoming a doctor, especially because of the odds against me seemed like a no-brainer. Fast forward to the present day, still a STEM major but not interested in medical school, or working in a clinical setting. I’m thinking about maybe hospital admin or working in public health, not really sure. I guess the thought of actually not going to school anymore scares me, and I’ve never shared it with anyone. I’m an only child, and I like hanging around people, but I’m an introvert at heart, I only have a few close friends. Tried partying and wasn’t really for me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that since I remember, I’ve always used school as a crutch, and now with “adult life” kicking in the prospects of working and assimilating into society scare me. Many people have suggested going right into grad school, but I know that wouldn’t be good for me. I want to get work experience because I feel like I need to break from this academic cocoon that has enveloped me for so long.
There is something huge that you can do for yourself right now, and that is to avail yourself of whatever counseling services are available on campus. Universities have wonderful mental health services, usually completely free. The next three semesters may be the only time in your life that you can benefit from free therapy, please jump at this opportunity – it may be life-changing.
Being apprehensive about leaving academia for the workforce is normal and very common. You can deal with these fears, process your childhood trauma, and start the healing process in therapy.
Counseling, yes, and have you had an internship? Do you have one for this summer? That’s the way to get work experience and also some socialization. At my company these internships feel like a nepo-fest, but if you had a skill I wanted and I didn’t know you, I’d hire you instead of somebody’s kid.
Also, your first job can allow you to transfer that discipline from academics to business and really excel, while forming friendships with some of your peers. That was my experience anyway.
I did go to grad school because my mom urged me to and really with an English major undergrad I needed to. I feel like you probably don’t need to right now (unless it’s free somehow?), otherwise get some work experience.
Please listen to the above and use the resources at your disposal now. You need to start seeing a counselor and even after school, I would suggest therapy. Please stop thinking of yourself as socially deficient.
The good thing is, you’re really young, everyone suffered socially during the pandemic so it’s not that strange to be an introvert etc, you see you have an issue with socializing and you’re taking steps to change that by going online, and hopefully listening to this good advice above. You’re doing the right things to address your issue. Good luck.
I was very scared of graduation and the unknown of post-grad when I was in college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and we were on the cusp of the great recession. So I went to a graduate program without thinking too hard about it because they offered me a full-tuition scholarship. (More on this in a sec.) Even my friend who seemed to have it all together — she had a job offer in finance at a tech company in Seattle on graduation — freaked out once she got to the PNW. (Like, at one point got back together with the random guy she’d dated for a hot second in our college town the summer after graduation even though she didn’t like him, she wanted support and companionship while she adjusted, then dumped the guy right before he was supposed to fly to visit her. Well, he flew out anyway figuring he’d take a solo trip. He got mugged so she ended up having to spend time with him anyway since he had no other contacts locally to help.) The transition is an adjustment for everyone.
As someone who went straight from college to grad school, only to not want to use that higher degree in a traditional way, I urge everyone to not go to grad school until they have a fairly clear idea of what they want. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and stressful. I was still in debt even with the generous financial aid.
Set up a time to talk to a career counselor. You can find a part-time campus job and internships this way. Presumably your college has a school of public health. You can probably find some student opportunities there. You should also probably talk to a therapist for the residual trauma.
