“My husband’s past with brothels”
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Why would a guy go to a brothel? Lots of reasons: they’re lonely, to get laid, for the novelty, to get experience with women and sex. If I had to guess in your husband’s case it might have been a low-pressure way to explore. Given that your families pressured you to marry quickly I’m going to guess that your husband’s native culture is conservative and he may not have had the opportunity to explore his sexuality growing up. That could be a factor here.
The two of you don’t know how to communicate. And you snooped because *you don’t even know who he is and he’s hiding a big chunk of his life from you and won’t even discuss it* That’s not normal. Don’t convince yourself this is all about you and your cheating ex. It’s not.
Also, there are guys who frequent brothels, and there are guys who would never pay for sex. And they’re not the same guys. There’s a type of guy who does.
Why do they do it? Because they’re lonely or craving physical release AND they don’t really respect women as equals. You can’t respect women and actually believe they’re working at brothels because they just love having anonymous sex with strangers. Come on. If you believe that, you’re a certain kind of guy who’s just – ugh. So you’re paying them to pretend to want to have sex with you, and let you use their body for pleasure. You see them as an object and don’t care about their feelings.
These prostitutes don’t WANT to have sex with these guys, they have no choice. And if you’re having sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you but has no choice, and you don’t care that she doesn’t, you’re not a good guy.
I really disagree that prostitution is always involuntary. It isn’t. There are plenty of women (and men!) who choose to have sex for money for a variety of reasons. This happened in Australia, it is entirely possible the brothels he visited were on the up and up. Maybe OP’s husband is a scumbag but maybe he’s not. She needs to get to the bottom of this and they need to actually get to know each other if this marriage has any shot.
I’m not saying they’re all slaves. I’m saying that if they’re doing that, it’s because that’s probably their only choice. They don’t have other prospects. Julie, you really think they’re there because, like, they could get an office job but they just like fucking for money?
“These prostitutes don’t WANT to have sex with these guys, they have no choice. And if you’re having sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you but has no choice, and you don’t care that she doesn’t, you’re not a good guy.”
I just don’t think you can make that blanket statement. Yes, if you go off to a brothel in Haiti or Thailand, you should assume the women, often girls really, are sex slaves. If you go to a legal brothel in Clark County, NV, I think you can safely assume that there are no minors and that the women have freely chosen this occupation. As I recall, they are even unionized. They aren’t sex slaves and their are regular medical check-ups and unruly customers are dealt with. I would expect similar at a legal brothel in Australia.
Do these women do this work because it is such a thrill to have sex with whatever rando guy walks in the door? Of course not. They do it because they make more money than they could at other available jobs or find the work in those other jobs less desirable.
“They don’t have other prospects. Julie, you really think they’re there because, like, they could get an office job but they just like fucking for money?”
Many probably could get an office job. The office job wouldn’t pay nearly as well. I knew a youngish college grad who certainly could get an office job. In fact she had one. Made a lot more as an exotic dancer and worked fewer hours. It was a choice she made.
I guess I don’t generally agree with the idea that selling your body for sex is necessarily different from other ways people sell themselves to survive. (And yes I realize I am hedging all over the place with that sentence.). Roofing is hard physical labor and can be dangerous, office jobs can be soul sucking. Why is it that using your body to perform some types of work is fine but fucking for money is verboten? Prostitution and other types of sex work can be very lucrative, don’t take up a lot of time vs traditional work, flexible hours, and yeah, I think some people enjoy it. Are the majority of prostitutes psyched about their job? Obviously not.
I guess I don’t generally agree with the idea that selling your body for sex is necessarily different from other ways people sell themselves to survive. (And yes I realize I am hedging all over the place with that sentence.). Roofing is hard physical labor and can be dangerous, office jobs can be soul sucking. Why is it that using your body to perform some types of work is fine but fucking for money is verboten? Prostitution and other types of sex work can be very lucrative, don’t take up a lot of time vs traditional work, have flexible hours, and yeah, I think some people enjoy it. Are the majority of prostitutes psyched about their job? Obviously not.
Why? How is selling your body for someone else’s pleasure different than the hundreds of thousands of other distasteful tasks people do for money? We all sell ourselves. I don’t think it’s up to me or anyone to moralize what happens between consenting adults.
