Sleeping with the Dog
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I totally understand what people are saying, however, it should have been discussed beforehand. She knew that he the dog slept with him. She should have said, hey, I value my sleep, is there a way we can make this work to move the dog out of the bed?
Is he being kind of a jerk? Yes. And you’re right that he values his wants more than hers. At the same time, she also handled poorly and should take ownership of that.
This lady has TRIED to sleep with the dog in the bed. She’s given it a year to try and acclimate. It is not working. Do you know what it’s like to constantly be on the edge of little-to-no sleep? Painful. Excruciating headaches. Irritability. Like I’m exhibiting now, in fact…
And it is insane to me to hear you say, “she made her bed, now she has to lie in it.” No, she has found herself in a position of not being able to sleep. You find out things like this once you move in with someone. And it has not gotten better. Since he has decided the dog in the bed is more important than her health, she needs to move out. For sure.
He’s an ASSHOLE for not trying to fix the problem, either with separate beds/rooms or getting the dog a bed on the floor. He’s an ASSHOLE for not caring if she sleeps or not.
He has certainly made the point that the dog’s sleeping habits is more important than hers.
Pathetic.
It’s also pathetic moving in or staying with someone expecting them to change without having a conversation about it beforehand. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t have brought this up before she moved in if she knew it was going to be problem. To me, that’s insane.
In a romantic relationship your partner needs to be the primary relationship in your life. In this situation the dog appears to be the primary partner with the girlfriend coming in second. When push came to shove and he was choosing between the dog or the girlfriend he chose the dog.
Maybe he does need the pressure of the dog against him to sleep. That wouldn’t be surprising since he also wants the girlfriend to cuddle all night and to have the dog on the other side. That’s a sensory issue. The fact that she can’t sleep that way could definitely mean that they aren’t compatible unless they want to sleep in separate rooms. This is part of the benefit of living together. You get a better idea of whether you are compatible before committing to marriage.
It’s easy to say she should have known she needed to discuss the dog before moving in together. If she looked up moving in together online and saw the issues that needed to be discussed the issue of where his dog sleeps wouldn’t have been listed. They could have discussed all sorts of things and completely missed this issue. Until she was trying to sleep this way all of the time she wouldn’t have known just how exhausted she would be. Until they slept this way together all the time he wouldn’t know that it wouldn’t work for her. They both made assumptions.
When two people live together they have to find a solution that works for both. Anything less destroys the relationship.
One doesn’t have to resort to emphasizing through capitalization if one doesn’t absolutely and completely disagree with people prioritizing a dog on the bed over their partner’s ability to sleep.
But here we are…
When you are a couple living together all you should need is for one partner to say this isn’t working for me. Then the couple should start seeking a solution. The idea that one person has always done something a certain way and so can’t possibly change is a great way to end a relationship.
Otherwise you end up with
“This isn’t working for me.”
“Too bad. I’ve always done it this way and you knew that.”
You can draw a line in the sand and say that you’ve always done it this way and you won’t change but that will leave your partner unhappy and so the relationship will be unhappy and so it will fail. This comes down to whether the way you do something is more important to you or whether the relationship is more important to you. It is a choice. Maybe it isn’t worth finding a compromise and you should move on. Maybe you want the partner enough that you find it no problem to compromise. Maybe the compromise doesn’t change who you are and is okay or maybe the compromise is soul sucking and you move on. You have to consider what you value and go with it. Neither choice is necessarily right or wrong.
Right. She said she slept at her house on some nights because of the dog. She definitely knew this was a problem beforehand. A pretty big one at that.
@skyblossom, I totally agree they should compromise, but again, it should have been discussed beforehand because she knew she didn’t like it. Then if he said no, should could have called it off. I mean she still can. I would.You’re right, it is a choice. It is his choice, and this is what he’s chosen. His comfort is of utmost importance and hers is not. They can try therapy, but if you really have to pay someone to help convince your partner to care about your comfort… would you even want to work on that?
She should have brought it up before they moved in, (which she probably did, considering she’d leave in the middle of the night.) It’s silly and seems ridiculous to break up over something like this, but it’s also very illuminating. Maybe there are other problems going on. I personally really value my sleep and probably wouldn’t have continued dating him.
In complete agreement with @Skyblossom.
“This comes down to whether the way you do something is more important to you or whether the relationship is more important to you. It is a choice.”
Yep.
