TacoTuesday here.
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It’s *possible* that TT is using a VPN to connect to work or something like that, which might cause their IP might show as the same regardless of physical location. Unlikely? Maybe. But it’s not impossible. I’m willing to take them at their word here anyways. But given OP’s repeated posts under different usernames I understand other people’s skepticism.
In my experience, I think you’ll discover that once you leave a toxic situation like with your parents, the more you’ll start to realize how toxic that situation was. The more distance you have, the more clear the situation will appear and you will wonder how you tolerated it for so long. Navigating that with a therapist is essential in the long term.
Regardless of if you’re moved out or not, the end advice is the same: Stay away + therapy. Build a good life with a healthy social circle. Your mom will not be of help to you as long as your dad is a part of her life and probably longer.
Well…I had a very illuminating conversation with my brother yesterday.
We met up for lunch yesterday, since I wanted to see him before Christmas if I decided not to go, and he told me that for the past few months, my parents have essentially been shit talking me about various grievances they have with me. He’s told them multiple times that they should talk to me directly about their complaints, and while they say they will, they obviously haven’t yet. He thought it was unfair how I’m not there to defend myself, so he asked me some questions to get my perspective.
About two months ago, I asked my brother to housesit my apartment for me because I was out of town for a month and a half. Apparently, where I thought my parents were just ambivalent about it, my parents explicitly said he shouldn’t do it for the most inane reasons, one of them being that back in the summer, I didn’t drive by and check on their house when they were on vacation for 2 weeks, (where I simply forgot to), and since I was “careless and selfish”, why should he do this favor for me? My brother still ended up housesitting, but they’ve been holding this grudge for a while.
He mentioned a few other things they’ve been complaining about, but one of their main things is that I’m taking days to respond to texts and calls, and noticeably distancing myself from them. My mom has been crying about it, and my dad getting upset with me on her behalf.
They’re also convinced that I’m talking to my half-siblings again (I’m not), and my siblings or a boyfriend they don’t know about (I’m single) are putting things in my ear and pulling me away from them.
The most bothersome thing is the ranting and raving behind my back, and when they could simply pick up the phone and initiate an adult-to-adult conversation. It’s clear to me they were probably waiting for me to come over for Christmas to “pounce” on me.
I’ve never had a decision made faster for me. Not coming over, not calling.
At the beginning of this thread though, you said your mom HAS talked to you directly about this stuff she’s upset about (being distant, maybe talking to your half siblings again), and you discussed it with her. Also if you did commit to drive by and check on their house, and forgot to do it, I can see them being annoyed.
But shit talking a kid who’s left (sure. Let’s assume you did, at some point after that time you said you were finally in your new apt but had the same ip as before). They’ve been doing this your entire life! It’s horrible parenting but is it surprising?? They’re even looking for reasons to call you a whore! Just like they did to your sisters.
Stop driving yourself crazy expecting something different that they can’t give you and spend your time working on yourself with a professional.
What a wonderful Christmas message…The text I got from my mom today.
The “male friend” she is referring to is completely fictional. My parents are CONVINCED that I’m seeing someone (I’m not) and that they’re putting things in my ear and turning me away from them.
Also, when I first moved out (when I was still partially brainwashed), I sent them a letter thanking them for all they did raising me. I think I mentioned something about them having “beautiful spirits” in that letter, which is what she’s referring to in her text.
But also, you ARE playing stupid games. She’s not wrong to not want to engage with you. Her text makes no sense and sounds bonkers, but I understand the spirit of not wanting to engage with you. Please get help from a professional and deal with this the proper way. You’re just making a mess right now.
And what would those “games” be, Kate? All I’ve done is reduce contact, and for good reason. Those are the “games” my mom is referring to.
If this is a conversation I shouldn’t bring here anymore, please delete my last post and this whole thread, even. I’ll look forward to working more with therapists in 2024 and closing out this whole chapter.
