Would like some feedback
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I wrote to here about a year ago regarding my ex and I breaking up over kids (he wanted them, I didn’t). He wanted to pursue a casual & sexual relationship with me right after the breakup and I couldn’t, so I took time to be myself. Around June of this year he started checking in more to see how me and my family were doing (my sister has been fighting cancer for 2 years), and a friendship started to develop. I noticed I had mixed feelings about the friendship: a part of me really enjoyed our talks, but I was afraid to become emotionally attached again. He would also start sexualizing things like asking for naked pics, which I put boundaries around wanting things to be strictly platonic. I felt he had respected that for a couple months, so I agreed to meet up for dinner and hang out after. Well, I soon realized, he wanted the hang out to be intimate and romantic like old times (surprise!). He said he didn’t feel like his full self with me being platonic, and that he will always have deep love for me no matter how much time passes (he also hasn’t seriously dated & says he doesn’t want kids now 🤷🏼♀️). I said I wasn’t ready to go back into it in that way, and that my family is a priority right now. He then asked if I could give him one night of not holding back and he will leave me alone for a year, meaning: let’s meet up once a year to just be together in our bubble. At this point, I agreed to the night- feeling relief I wouldn’t be sorting through layers of calls or texts after & also seeing how we would connect again in those ways. I felt high on dopamine, and bit love bombed. We parted ways with him saying he will wait for me to reach out to him (for his bday in a couple weeks and for our hang out next year). I’m not sure I want to do either at this point. I’m afraid if I say happy birthday, I may be giving him hope and I don’t want open up the chance of communicating like before especially knowing we cant be friends. I feel sad that a platonic friendship couldn’t be had, but also grateful he has shown me who he is while being around me. What are your thoughts?
I think you need to block him. He’s been a pushy dick since you got back in contact and I wouldn’t believe a word he says. Every time you’ve given in a little bit to him he’s hassled you for more and more. All he’s done is change his approach.
I don’t remember your original post, but I agree on the blocking. You don’t have to reach out on his birthday. He is still after a casual sexual relationship with you and will push your boundaries as far as he can in that pursuit. Sure, it’d be nice if everyone could remain friends with their exes, but the reality is that many people are not. And yes, that can feel sad, but that’s okay and in this case for the best.
This guys seems like a grade-A jerk. He’s clearly a boundary pusher and can’t see you as a friend. If he respected you he would have self control and not ask for nudes. Not asking for nudes is a really, really, really low bar that he can’t pass over. Let this relationship sail in to the past.
So, the last time you met in person you agreed to one night of sex per year? And the ball was in your court to contact him to let him know when that night would be? Now you are reluctant to contact him in case he calls in that marker, for wild night on his birthday? Listen to your gut. It’s trying to save you.
This is not a healthy dynamic you’ve got with this guy. He doesn’t really respect you and he doesn’t treat you how a person should treat a friend. He wants something from you – it’s a transactional relationship (except, what are you really getting out of it?). I’d block this guy and move on. You don’t owe him birthday greetings or closure or a call once a year because of some weird suggestion on his part. Just block and move on.
Yeah, everyone is right. This is a bunch of bullshit but at its core is just… he wants sex. He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend but also he hasn’t had any luck elsewhere and he’s willing to say or do anything to get you to have no-strings sex with him. That’s it! He’s being a manipulative creep and you owe him nothing at all, including birthday wishes. The whole “let’s be intimate and then I’ll leave you alone” is so, so gross and also total bs. You should absolutely block him and stop engaging.
I agree with everyone else. He has NOT accepted your NO. He has NOT accepted your boundaries. This isn’t friendship material. You basically bought him off with sex so he would leave you alone. That isn’t healthy. Instead you text him. “I have decided that I no longer want any contact with you ever again. Please never attempt to contact me again” THEN you immediately block him EVERYWHERE and on every device. If he tries and circumvents the block (create new accounts, call from a different phone number) save the evidence of him trying to circumvent it but DO NOT RESPOND. Take the evidence to a lawyer about a restraining order.
