Younger brothers out of state wedding 3 weeks before wifes due date
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I don’t think that this was a pile on. Just lots of different people who had the same reaction. It seemed that he didn’t get the situation and it was serious enough to warrant a strong reply. To pat him on the head and say sure go ahead and go to the wedding and deal with the BS from your wife when you get back wasn’t going to work. His wife’s response wasn’t unreasonable and it wasn’t BS. The intent was to help him and his wife and their marriage. Many women on this forum have experienced childbirth and we know how unpredictable it is and we shared that information. The LW didn’t start by expressing sadness at missing his brother’s wedding. It was just about how unreasonable his wife was and how he could easily get back in time if she did go into labor. He seemed to be willfully ignorant and to be downplaying the distance in an unreasonable way. Maybe he was repeating what his older brother had been saying, maybe, who knows. He was obviously receiving manipulation from his older brother. Why else buy a ticket when the decision to go hadn’t yet happened. The older brother wanted the decision to go in one way and so he introduced the ticket into the situation to push it a certain direction. The older brother should never be allowed to place himself in their decision making. The older brother should stay out of their marriage. I still question whether the older brother dislikes the wife and wants to cause problems in the marriage.
I think I basically said that by dwelling exclusively upon the odds of missing the actual birth that he (and others) didn’t understand and were missing the larger point about the wife’s feelings of abandonment 3 weeks from the stated due date and her need for comfort/support/help from him.
Earlier people were asking for a medical opinion, I’m late to the thread as was running a delivery suite! I’ve been an obstetric doctor for 10 years and it’s true that labour at 37/40 is not that common in a nullip, however anything can happen at any time in a pregnancy and often very quickly. A normal pregnancy is something we can only really say in hindsight once the postnatal period of 6 weeks is complete and nothing bad has happened. I don’t think statistics can be useful in deciding something like this as pregnancy is so unpredictable.
When we have women going into labour or another complication with their partner not there (or drunk, being unsupportive and argumentative or occasionally violent) they can be very stressed and some struggle to make important decisions as they want their partner to be there to do it with them. It’s an overwhelming time in a woman’s life and they often have fears and convictions that something is going to go terribly wrong that they may not have even shared with their partner until that moment.
It’s really good that you are going to stay home and find another way of being involved in the wedding. In addition I would make plans to do something special with your wife that day, as soon it will no longer be just the two of you. And never bring it up in the future unless it is to say what a wonderful time you had with her and that it was the right decision to stay home (even if at 42/40 you are having a post dates induction of labour and no-one can believe the baby hasn’t arrived yet!).
I learned a new word today– “Nullip”
It is true that first babies are usually late. I’m kinda banking on that right now as I have a big work thing at 36 weeks and I’m hoping I’m still around for it. Of course even without going into labor I could have other complications and be out of work then. And I know they’ll manage without me but I really want to participate!
April 9th!
I’m trying to support a cargo resupply mission launching on March 16th (this guy: http://spaceflights.news/?launch=upgraded-antares-%E2%80%A2-cygnus-orb-7) so I’d really like baby to stay put until I get through that!
SS – that is amazing. May your small human delivery come after your space delivery.
P.S. I really hope you have planet express jackets made up for the event.
personally I would much rather deal with the fallout of missing a brothers wedding than missing the birth of my child. (I mean I’m a woman so I’m definitely gonna be there but anyways) your brother can take pictures maybe even video the wedding, and your role as spectator (your not like best man right) will be the same as if you were there. That’s not the case with your wife, where you would be a participant in the birth. Also…I mean there is a pretty good chance your brother will get divorced and remarried and you can just catch him at the next one.
The brother bought a plane ticket despite the wife’s due date indicating the baby is already “term”?! That is a messed up family dynamic. Hope that issue fizzles away and he doesn’t continue with the inappropriate gifts. Love the doctors advice to never complain about this again.
