Update: “Caught in Wanderlust” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Caught in Wanderlust,” a guy who retired early and loved to travel a lot but was dating a woman who still worked full-time, had a kid, couldn’t accompany him on his trips very often, and didn’t like him traveling without her. The LW pondered whether it was time to break up or give up travel. His update below.

Late summer I/we decided to have a small break, and I travelled to Italy and Switzerland. My girlfriend didn’t have any time off and stayed home. We missed each other, so we then started dating again in September, with a week-long vacation in Ghent and Antwerp, Belgium. We had a great time. She had used up all her vacation time for the year, so I was making smaller day trips around the area, plus staying at her place. (She lives 2 hours away from me.) And I was cooking and cleaning and shopping while she worked.

After a few days of this I needed to get back to my own place. This cycle went on for a few weeks. A longer trip to Bali was in the air, but we avoided it. We were talking more about Christmas: I wanted to go to Spain for a few days, but she wanted us to celebrate with her family (which we did last year). I thought both were doable. She said, “I am worth more than being just a romantic weekend event and vacation girlfriend whom you cook for and who you take to friend meet-ups. I want a daily routine, with my partner. I want kicthen table dissussions, I want us to shop at Ikea together, I want a normal life.”

I knew it was a warning from her, but I threw in the towel. It’s difficult for me to all of a sudden be a homebody. I said: “You need to go and find someone who will cherish you more than I have. I did my best, but it’s not what you want and need.” Since then, we have sent each other a text or two, but we won’t be getting back together. I have since recorded some new songs with my band, I have been to Lithuania, and I will go to Bali for two months early next year. Your advice was correct. In the end, we are not compatible and we have different goals. I feel better on my own, with less stress and fewer expectations to live up to. Chalk one up for Wendy:-)

Thank you for the update, and I’m glad you recognized that this was a relationship that wasn’t meeting either of your needs and got out before things got ugly. Sounds like you have a full and enriching life, and if sharing that life with someone makes it even better, then I hope you find the right partner in time.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
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One Comment

  1. LW I feel for you. I travel all the time. I’ve found a lot of friends who do the same. So we’re all fine meeting up every few months or so where we are. Finding someone to date like that has been difficult. I wish us both luck.

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