Updates: “Thinking About Skipping Sister’s Wedding” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Thinking About Skipping Sister’s Wedding” who was, as the sign-off suggests, thinking about skipping her sister’s wedding. The wedding was to be on the other side of the world, and the LW said: “My son will be about 3.5 years old then, and the baby will be just over three months old. Additionally, my husband and I are both professors and our semesters begin the week before her wedding. Missing classes during the first week is hard and frowned upon at both our institutions.” Keep reading to see whether she and her family decided to go to the wedding.

I sincerely appreciated the advice from you and most of your readers to separate any issues I had with my sister from my decision to attend her faraway wedding. You guys were absolutely right with this advice. Thank you! Most of your readers also agreed with you that it would be crazy hard to take a 3.5 month old and a 3.5 year old on a 12-hour plane ride for a 4-day trip. You guys were absolutely right on that count too. But we still did it! We’re now back from our crazy trip, and it was absolutely exhausting. We’re still feeling the effects of jet lag. Worse, my baby had just started sleeping really well at night and following a reliable schedule, and now all that has now been thrown out the window as we’re struggling to re-adjust to our time zone. Still, despite the chaos (and some really hard moments on the trip), I think we made the right decision. My sister would have been so disappointed had we missed her wedding, and my husband and I would have felt regret too. I’m hoping that one day when my sister has kids, she’ll look back and say to me, “I can’t believe I expected you to take a 12-hour plane ride to my wedding with two small children during the busiest time of your work year. Thank you so much for doing that!” But even if she never says that, I’m still happy we went because it was the right move. And now I have to get back to work because the baby is napping and who knows how long that will last!

Thanks again for your advice. And good luck to you with your new baby as well. It does get easier every day!

So glad you made the right decision for your family and feel good about it. Sounds like the long-term benefits will outlast any short-term inconvenience and discomfort. Good luck getting Baby back on a good sleep schedule; I know how important that is for family harmony!

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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3 Comments

Moe P says:

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Don’t expect your sister to feel like she can’t believe she asked you to come to her wedding. If she didn’t change it when you told her the deal, she is likely to regret it after. It sounds like a very exhausting trip. Chalk it up to one of those crazy things we do for those we love.

bittergaymark says:

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I feel vindicated! I am glad you went. I think it was the right decision.

kali says:

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Great update.