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@K the first one was because he didn’t have the money at the time but wanted to go and promised to pay. He paid me a part (like $200 of $1000) but the rest he never paid me and I never went after the money because I didn’t want any contact. And this one was because he had a low paying job and a lot of obligations. I could have gone alone but he wanted to go and because we were fine I bought everything and gave him the trip as a Christmas gift.
Thanks everyone.
The timing is just.. crap.
Last week we went on a trip, paid entirely by me. I knew things weren’t that great but the trip was coming, and we went there and it was really cool. A week later he breaks up with me. And he told me that he had been thinking about this for a while. So even before we went to our trip he knew he wanted to break up. Dick.
I’ve realized now that he just doesn’t need me anymore. He needed me for my car and he just got one. He needed me for his job change and that happened last week, he had a promotion to where he wanted to be, finally in his field and he now makes more money. The trip was coming and he wanted to go, so now that it’s over he finally he doesn’t need me. He said “I just want to be alone”.
And you’re not going to believe this, but Facebook reminded me that six years ago, in April too, I broke up with my ex boyfriend of seven years, after a trip that was also paid entirely by me and his words were exactly the same “I just want to be alone”.
History repeats itself. All I can say is fuck. I hate all of this.@MissDre I’m really happy for you. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet but I actually felt happy over your news. Congrats.
@kmentthat It’s so sad when you realize the honeymoon period is over. But also you feel like you are closer and you have history and you know more about this person. Reminds me of an episode in Friends. But he was terrible in his timing. My boyfriend tends to do that -.-
Like @kmentthat I would not have responded. I hate when people do that and come up with all kinds of excuses.
@MissDre I thought I posted this earlier but it appears I didn’t. Anyways, one of my best friends is happily married to a guy she saw literally five different times, including their wedding.
They met here during a wedding, spent a couple of days together. Then he came to visit for a week a couple months later. Then, she went there two times for two weeks with a couple months in between, and then they got married here. We are talking very long distance (UK-Latin America), 8+ hour time difference and all. And they made it work. They have been married for 4 years.
Even after they got married, she had to spend six months here waiting for her visa. So, it can be done. Good luck.Yes, my BF is currently living with his mom. During our conversation he said that he KNOWS he has to move out, just isn’t ready yet. Wants a lifetime with me, says he loves me (and it shows). He says that he will stick to my timeline if that will make me happy and says he would do anything to make me happy. But I don’t want to impose anything or make him do anything he’ll regret. Also, I don’t know if I still have a timeline. After all of this, I realized that I don’t know if I want to move in yet. Marriage and children are definitely not on my short term plans. And moving in, I don’t know. I love the moments I spend with him, we have a lot of fun but I also love being alone in my house, with my cats. I love my privacy and that I can do anything I want. I don’t know why I brought the moving in thing up, maybe because everybody is doing it?
I have been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who got engaged and started planning her wedding. Realized everything was super expensive so every week she postponed it or reduced it until she was set on eloping and her fiance kept pressuring for a date. She says that one day she got home and wanted to be alone and forgot he was there. When she saw him there she realized she wasn’t ready to get married. She thought that it was what she wanted but it wasn’t. Told the fiance and he decided to end the relationship. She says that she is the happiest person since. She has no BF at the moment and lives fully. I understand there are a lot of factors in this history (maybe he wasn’t suit for her) but she always reminds me that it’s ok to do things on your own time and not take steps just because of status quo or because “you’ve been dating so long” or because everybody else is doing it (at 31, you feel EVERYBODY else is there). I said that I wanted someone to be excited about a future with me and I have it. I also said I wanted a commitmment and I feel he is committed. I don’t know, I guess will keep talking about it and time will tell what the right thing is.
@MissDre: That is exciting. You are finally getting what you deserve. Please don’t let fear take away the excitement. If we were afraid of failing everytime, we would never do anything.Like Kate says, I think it’s personal and varies. My BF’s parents divorced when he was 8-9. His father cheated on his mother and, as a result, got the other woman pregnant with twins. His sister was not even a year old when all of that happened. He was a child and suddenly, everyone started telling him that he was the man of the house now and that he had to take care of his mom and sister from now on. After that, his father stayed with the other woman (they’re still together and married) and his mom raised both kids almost by herself. His dad has a relationship with them, loves them very much but never helped them financially. Never bought them anything, not even a pencil to go to school. His mom had it rough. He says that by moving in with me he would feel like abandoning his mom. He has a hard time expressing his feelings. I don’t really think that he is afraid of commitmment with me, because he seems very committed with me and we don’t have issues outside of this. Like @K, I am thinking if walking away is the only solution to this. And getting engaged and married is not important to me. So, I’ve been thinking and thinking.
This week we haven’t talked much because he is out of town. We talked on the phone a little and he says that he will agree to any timeline I propose. But I want him to want it, not to just roll with me. He says he wants to be with me forever and sees himself with me in the long run. We’ll talk this weekend and we’ll see.“If he wanted to make it work he’d tell you what the obstacles were and then talk about ways to overcome those obstacles so that the two of you could be together”
That is exactly how I feel. There are ways to say things and room for negotiation. But I don’t think he sees it like that. If he had just told me that he is not ready because he thought that we still need to work on some issues, I would understand. For example, saying that he doesn’t like X or Y thing and how can we go around this? And there’s still a year or so before my original timeline, so plenty of time. I wasn’t asking him to move in today, I just wanted to know because I want to start planning a trip to Europe and could use a timeline for a budget.
Anyways… I don’t really know what to do because I don’t know if I want all of those things. Moving in is the logical next step and many friends are doing that or getting engaged, so I don’t know if it is just peer pressure or if I really really want that. I do want a future with him though.
As for red flags, I think the same, words need to be followed by actions. However, sometimes you have words and actions that follow and then nothing. It was like that with my ex. Took me to see houses and a month or so later suddenly he wanted to be alone. So, you actually never really know.
It came up last week because he is close to getting a new job that would pay him a lot more than what he is earning right now. I’ve always made a lot more money than him and the reason that he earns less has been important in deciding to move forward. He always told me that once he got a different job we would decide. So, now that things are going to change I asked where we were and all of a sudden he isn’t so ready or sure anymore.
Turns out my boyfriend of two and a half years just told me that he is afraid of commitmment. He is not ready to get married or live together. And he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready. Otherwise, the relationship is normal. In the beginning he used to tell me that he wanted to marry me. We have discussed wedding stuff before, houses, things we would like eventually in a house or a place together so this comes out of the blue.
I dont know if I want to get married eventually, so that’s not an issue, but I thought we were coming close to at least moving in together and having a place together, in a year or so. When I ask for timelines he doesn’t know. Things are good the way they are but I don’t know if this is a deal breaker. So, yes I’m struggling because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should keep waiting a couple years until he’s “ready” risking that he will never be (and in a couple years I’ll be 34-35) or if I should just end it now.Yeah, I was reading the reviews and they said exactly that. I think I’ll go with “Too good….” first.
