Ale
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@anonymousse I wasn’t offended.
Anyways, well people at the gym told me my exbf was seeing this girl a few times a week to train and that they were seen on saturday at a movie theater and people were pretty sure they were affectionate. I couldn’t believe it and I obviously overreacted and sent him a text saying that I needed to talk to him and posted it here. He shows up at my house half an hour later, I ask him about it and denies it, he says they have never been out together but that they trained a couple of times, however, not as a planned thing but more like they were there at the same time and decided to train together. I am insecure like that. I had already noticed she liked him so I told him when we were together. He said he didn’t care. But eventually they became friends. He totally denied the movie thing and that he was seeing her which made me feel like a fool, and also, messed up my whole “moving on” plan because we ended up talking for a couple of hours and it felt so normal. I was an idiot for believing this and then believing him instead of just avoiding the whole drama altogether from the first time. I’ve followed every advice that people give me, that I have to avoid him (which I have), change my routine (I also did that) and stop talking to him, also telling people to stop telling me about him. But I couldn’t avoid it yesterday, I allowed it when people started talking and I just fell into the trap. I talked to my therapist today and he said that we all make mistakes in a process like this. To move on from the whole drama and just try to be calm. I am waaaaay too anxious now.
Yeah, obviously after six months dating you don’t know a person well. They were friends for three years before that though.
The thing is, you can date a person for three, four, five years and still don’t know them well. “Don’t marry a person you don’t know well” doesn’t sound very helpful, I think the only thing one can do is to hope for the best and work for it.And social media plays a big part on this too. You see all kinds of couples in social media, that look perfect and you wished you had that. When that couple breaks up you feel they looked perfect, what could have gone wrong?
My best friend has a very beautiful family, I’m friends with a lot of them on Facebook. This cousin of hers met a guy, dated six months, got married and had a baby within their first year of marriage. Looked perfect everywhere. Baby is two months old and she just found out he is addicted to cocaine and heroine. Even had drugs while taking care of their baby. Dude has been an addict his whole life and she didn’t know. His family knew, never told her. She missed all the red flags. But they looked so perfect on Facebook. It makes me think what if I run into this? What if I marry a psycho?!@TheLadyE I feel the same. But I think that it happens with everything. For instance, I’ve heard tons of horror stories about pregnancy and kids, that have made me think that I never want to have kids ever. but it’s different for everyone. Same with dating. I’ve heard so many stories about dating gone wrong, ghosting and just plain weird people, that I didn’t want to go back to be out there and maybe that’s why I resisted my recent break up so much, even if I knew it had to happen. I guess it’s a risk, just like everything.
This is going to be my first weekend officially alone, not in a relationship in three years. I know if I survive this weekend I will be fine.
I hope you all have an amazing weekend.I don’t know, when they told me yesterday that he was notoriously sad I felt better. I don’t know why. I felt like in Friends, when Monica finds out that Richard is hurting and she can finally sleep well. Another friend from work who knows about our break up told me that he ran into him yesterday and asked him about me and that he said “we’re doing great”.
But it’s a good call, the no contact rule should apply to everything. I was thinking about this yesterday, that maybe it would help to stop talking about him to my friends and stop listening to what they have to say about him. I think you’re right @veritek.Yeah, he added a lot to my life at the beginning but lately I started feeling like I wasn’t enough. No matter what I did. He wasn’t abusive or anything but I felt like I couldn’t do anything to “convince” him to live with me or marry me or see me in his future. Even if I outdid myself (like with the trip, paying for everything, trying to make him happy, choosing activities that he was going to like) there was still something I was doing wrong. I was good to him and I wanted to be a priority and I wasn’t. Somedays I felt like I just wanted to disappear.
Well, yeah at work yesterday he managed to dissapear. I didn’t see him at all, which shows that he made an effort to avoid me or, instead, that earlier he was making an effort to see me because I seemed to run into him everywhere.
Then I went to the gym and asked the receptionist if he had paid his month in advance, like he said he had. Receptionist told me no, so I found out that he lied about that. When I told him to switch gyms, he told me that he had already paid. Even so, I thought maybe this guy, since he hasn’t paid, is going to think things better and find a new gym. He didn’t. He showed up later. I obviously ignored him and finished my workout, grabbed my things and left.
People at the gym have told me that he seems sad. A friend of mine texted me yesterday to say that he is notoriously down, and he seemed pissed at me yesterday. But he has to face the consequences of his actions. Like @TheLadyE says, I know he knows that he lost a lot of things by losing me.
I am happier and calmer now that we are not on speaking terms. Not having to wait for a text is better than to receive crumbs. And I am really just looking out for myself, which I hadn’t done in a while. I am worthy of more than crumbs and I need to be fine.
I haven’t had an episode of anxiety since we broke up. Three months before the break up I was even having thoughts about disappearing from the face of the Earth and how everything would be easier. I can’t believe I am calmer now, which directs me to think that most of my anxiety was due to this relationship.Yeah, I know he is hurting too, but I don’t think he is hurting as much as I am, because, well, he made his choice. He has cried in front of me saying he is hurt. He kept contacting me to feel better himself. I told him yesterday he was being mean and cruel to me, giving me hope and he started crying. Hopefully now, he will finally understand that every choice has its consequences.
When we talked yesterday he kept saying that I did stuff wrong, which is really hurtful, because what’s the point about kicking you when you’re down. Like he hated minimal stuff, things that seem so unimportant right now. For instance, he told me that he hated that sometimes when we got somewhere I walked ahead of him, and I left him “alone”. What a stupid thing to care about. I told him yeah a couple of times I started walking ahead of you, two or three steps, but then again, I was always there when you needed me the most, when you didn’t have money or meds, when you needed a ride, etc etc. However, I can’t say the same. The day we broke up, the whole fight was because we were going to a funeral and he was supposed to pick me up but he didn’t because he didn’t wake up. So I went by myself and started calling him to tell me how to get there and he turned his phone off. And then, texted me “use waze”. This was a bad neighbourhood and I was afraid of getting there by myself. And his support was “use waze”.
So, yeah 65% of the time I’m hurting really bad but then I remember all of the bad things that were going on, he was becoming a douche, and didn’t care about our future, and all of that makes me think that it was the best choice. And it was. But he says he needs time to think about us, but my time is to HEAL. It’s over for me.I still don’t think he is a bad person but I do think he has managed this in an awful way and has made everything worse. I told him everything he was doing wrong and he couldn’t believe that he was hurting me. I know for a fact he won’t contact me. I was very clear yesterday.
I know that he called me in the afternoon just to test the waters. “Forgot my password” yeah right. He wanted to see if I was still there. There are a million ways to reset your password. He was looking for any chance at a conversation.
At the gym we talked, I cried a lot, he saw me crying my eyes out, asking him to leave me alone to heal. He kept saying he only needed time to think but that he was going to respect my wishes. It’s been like 14 hours and he seems to understand now.
