Ale
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People at the gym already know, it’s a small gym and they have all been very helpful. They know we are not on speaking terms. I don’t think he would ever get dangerous, he is not violent or like that at all.
He hasn’t contacted me since yesterday’s talk and today at work he hasn’t come around. He always came to say hi, and yesterday when I ignored him, he was still around, I saw him walk by a couple of times, he was in the same room having lunch with me and I ignored him, until he called me in the afternoon. After I told him to stop contacting me and to give me space, he told me he would get lunch at another time, and would find another place to eat. I’ll see about that later in the day.
Today has been going well so far, I think he got the point now. I am incredibly sad by all of this, a month ago he was there with me for my graduation and now everything is over. My next appointment with my therapist is until monday. It was today but he cancelled. That would have been very helpful.Yeah, I don’t want to be the “crazy exgirlfriend” who donated his shit to charity. I would love to, though, but I just want to take the high road and be out of this as soon as possible. And to give him his stuff I don’t really have to contact him, I just have to leave it on his desk or send it with someone else.
And well, @Kate was right, he is still messing with me. He managed to contact me to ask me his email password cause he “didn’t remember it”, after I straight up ignored him at work. That was a long conversation over the phone with me asking him for space because he is all over me.
Guess who showed up to the gym one hour after I asked for space… That’s when I really lost my shit. I told him that I had asked him to switch gyms and he said he had already paid this month. “I didn’t know it bothered you so much to see me” was his answer.
He honestly has no clue that when you break up with someone, you just let them be. He doesn’t think that he did anything to hurt me this past week. He din’t know he had to stop talking to me and stop asking me for things.
I very calmly and politely told him to stop trying to contact me through any media. And he promised to do that because I need peace of mind. And now, I already paid for this months at the gym and I will have to lose my money or try to ask for it back and find a new place to train. I really don’t want to see him.I do think everybody lies, especially to get out of trouble. That is a big issue that I had in my last relationship. He lied all the time to “avoid” issues but he never thought that we could have a conversation about something and not necessarily a fight.
I think that you want to be with a partner that does not need to lie, and does not want to lie to you. A partner who trusts you enough to tell you things he/she did in the past, when you weren’t around, knowing that it wouldn’t become a big argument.
In this case, LW’s boyfriend lied to avoid problems maybe because LW hates stripclubs and he knew saying yes to that would be a problem. When you’re asked about something you can always answer “I don’t like to discuss that, I don’t want to talk about that, I don’t like that part of my life” you don’t HAVE to lie if you don’t want to tell the truth. It’s simple as that. What else has he lied to you about? You’ll never know for sure, and you can’t say that this is the first lie, or the only time he has lied, because you don’t know that.The only way to get over it is if you stopped caring about strip clubs. But you do care, you hate them. And your boyfriend, who lied to you in the first place, is going to one.
There’s no advice on how to get over it. He lied to you and that’s that. How can you trust him now that he says he won’t get a lapdance? You can’t.
He can obviously figure it out but he didn’t want to do anything on his own, he wanted me to do it. He can do everything, he is a very smart person, but a very lazy one. He needed to keep me close, so he can feel better about what an asshole he is. @Copa, yes he will owe me money, however I don’t want to talk to him about anything. I don’t want any type of contact. I don’t want to ask him for money or anything else.
I had blocked him already last week. I only had him on Instagram. And we shared Amazon and Netflix accounts, so changed those two passwords.
I explained to him that unless he saw a future with me, he couldn’t talk to me like everything was fine. That I would dissappear from his life. If he wanted to break up, he needed to leave me alone and stop expecting me to do everything for him for me to move on.
I also told him that I wanted him to find another gym. And blocked his number and email. He now has no way of contacting me, however since we work together he can always talk to me here because he knows I won’t make a scene. I told him to stop having lunch at the same time as me, to stop caring about me, or my car or my family or my cats. I told him to fucking own his decision.I actually just ran into him in the hallway… He said “Hello” and was going to greet me with a kiss but I ignored him and left him there hanging. I think that makes it pretty clear for him now.
Yes, the amazon thing is a joke. He can’t shop online because he “doesn’t know how” so he uses my account that I have set up to make it easier for him. However, since we don’t live in the US, things are different and everything arrives under my name but I have to go pick the packages up to the post office and also pay for them. I gladly did that when we were together, and now he wants me to keep doing it. Last week I even created an account for him, even after we broke up, explained how it works for him so that I didn’t have to do it, but he said that he wanted me to do it. Why the fuck do you tell that to someone you just broke up with? It gave me hope. So, he still wants the life I gave him, where I did everything for him, I solved his life and all I wanted back was loyalty, respect and to be in his priorities. He hasn’t faced the consequences of his decision.
Now that he has changed jobs and finally works in his field and makes much more money is when he decides to dump me. All this years of me helping him out when he had no money, letting him borrow my car, paying for him, waiting for him to make more money (because he promised we would talk about our future when he did, I didn’t care about the money) were like a scam. He dumped me the minute he was able to.
So, this week I have to go pick some stuff up at the post office (if I don’t they’ll charge me more money) and I’ll throw everything in his desk and that’s it. I had to change the password so he can’t order anything else that I would have to pick up. He’ll realize it soon. I blocked his number everywhere (a move I didn’t want to make, but had to) and I’m ready to move on.Yeah, I am MAD. He gave me hope again only to take it away. Everybody told me not to go today, to start my life without him already, and even my gut was telling me not to go because it was all going to be the same talk, the same shit abput how wrong I did and how he wants to be alone all over again, like he did when he broke up with me and then again on Wednesday and then again on Saturday. I should have listened to my gut. But I will listen now. This is all too hurtful but I know I will survive.
Copa, I’m sorry this happened, because I think you’re awesome and guys who ghost are such dicks. You deserve so so much better. I know it’s cliché but something better will come along.
Crooked teeth plus bad hygiene: gross.I am oficially an idiot and I deserve all the scolding I can get. My now ex talked to me the whole week and one day he started talking about our relationship and I told him that I didn’t want that conversation to be over texts, so we met on Wednesday and talked for a bit, then he told me that he wanted to talk on Saturday and we went to lunch, then coffee, and when we finally got to talk he had to leave. He then told me to get lunch on sunday so that we could finally talk without him having to leave but he cancelled in the morning and told me to have breakfast today instead.
I met him today for breakfast and we talked a lot, but it ended up in me asking him to give me a chance, almost begging again, crying, and him telling me eveything I did wrong, and that he didn’t want to get back together. If he doesn’t want to get back together then why the fuck does he keep telling me that he wants to have lunch/breakfast with me and talk and do stuff together? He keeps hugging me, telling me that he will do stuff for me like taking care of my car, doing stuff for my family, etc etc. I told him today you either want to be with me or you don’t. He says he need time to think, that he loves me but feels too hurt by my actions. Fuck that. I gave everything for that man. I gave him everything, and he just says that he “needs time”. I grabbed my stuff and started walking and he begged me to take me home. I let him take me home but he kept saying that he wanted to be alone. But this whole past week he didn’t show that he wanted to be alone, he kept asking me for favors, telling me how beautiful I looked, asking me to help him, asking me to have lunch with him, offering me food. And today he says that I did everything for him so he will miss me. But he wants to be alone, so he will be alone from today on. I just deleted every member of his family from my facebook, I changed my Amazon password and told him to fucking switch gyms. He wants to be alone, he will be. But I am an idiot for letting him trick me this whole past week, letting him make me believe that he wanted to be back with me and that he loved me. I could have used this week to heal. I am such an idiot.I love this community, I can’t believe all of the support I receive here, I know everybody told me to stop talking to him and stop letting him contact me, and now I will actually listen to all of the advice that I had early on, he was manipulating me. I hate everything right now.
Now that he is another department, he has a different schedule. Before, we had the same hours. Now, he works later. I leave work an hour and a half earlier, so I have that window to train before he arrives. When he contacts me, I will tell him that he should change gyms.
My new and awesome therapist (I loved him) told me to avoid him as much as I can. But not to tell him to stop texting me. Like, to let him figure it out that I’m avoiding him. So, I’ll start doing that and if he doesn’t change gyms I will sadly have to.I can change my gym, but I really don’t want to. I’ve been going there for four years and I love it. I know a lot of people there. He joined like two years ago, after insisting that he wanted to go with me to the gym. I didn’t want him to join because I wanted it for myself. And he insisted. So he broke up with me and if anybody should be changing gyms it should be him.
