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I will print this and keep it close.
@veritek33 thank you. Knowing that just made me smile in a day that has been shitty since the start, and that is a good idea. I was actually thinking of taking classes to become a personal trainer. I also want to learn how to do nails and in my country there’s a career that lasts a year and it’s just about nails. That has always been a dream of mine.
Also, question. How friendly are you with your exes? Since my ex and I decided to be civil because we work in the same building, but not friends. But yesterday I was having lunch and he saw me and came to have lunch with me. Sat with me, gave a kiss, offered me his food and everything. I was like WTF. Then, I was at the gym and he showed up. I was almost certain that he would change gyms. Then today he texted me to see if he could still use my Amazon account. I explained to him that he should create one himself and he told me that he was too dumb and didn’t know how it works and whatever. I told him that one thing is to be civil and another to act like nothing happened. That he hurt me and I can’t act like friends the next day. He said sorry and that he wouldn’t do that anymore. But then I saw him at work and he came to say hi and said that he still wanted me to come to his graduation. I declined.
I don’t know how “friendly” should I let him be. I’ve seen couples that break up and then become best friends. I know it’s possible but I don’t know if it’s possible in this scenario. Obviously time will tell. But I don’t know. I’m not friends with exes, only one of my exes is my friend but that happened like 12 years ago.That was awesome @kmenthat.
With the first boyfriend, I actually had a revenge moment with my now exbf. When he saw my new, ultra tall and fit boyfriend he didn’t even greet me. And he greeted me every time he saw me with a big hug and a “How are you doing?” but in a very condescending tone.@kmentthat I think I remember about it because you posted about the cheating here and about the vacation paid and I totally related to that. But I never thought it would happen again.
I’m feeling better now because I have realized that it was the best choice. I am taking care of myself by deleting his number and unfollowing him on social media. I am blocking his instagram but not his number. The no contact rule will be hard but not impossible since we work in the same building and we are still dealing with some unresolved issues. And he keeps contacting me even if I don’t answer to see how I’m doing and to offer me help with stuff he knew I needed before.
I also made an appointment with a new therapist that specializes in breakups. He will see me tomorrow, he is kind of famous and usually very busy, his waitlist is like 3 months, so I am kind of surprised on how he was available to see me tomorrow.
Thanks everyone.@K the first one was because he didn’t have the money at the time but wanted to go and promised to pay. He paid me a part (like $200 of $1000) but the rest he never paid me and I never went after the money because I didn’t want any contact. And this one was because he had a low paying job and a lot of obligations. I could have gone alone but he wanted to go and because we were fine I bought everything and gave him the trip as a Christmas gift.
Thanks everyone.
The timing is just.. crap.
Last week we went on a trip, paid entirely by me. I knew things weren’t that great but the trip was coming, and we went there and it was really cool. A week later he breaks up with me. And he told me that he had been thinking about this for a while. So even before we went to our trip he knew he wanted to break up. Dick.
I’ve realized now that he just doesn’t need me anymore. He needed me for my car and he just got one. He needed me for his job change and that happened last week, he had a promotion to where he wanted to be, finally in his field and he now makes more money. The trip was coming and he wanted to go, so now that it’s over he finally he doesn’t need me. He said “I just want to be alone”.
And you’re not going to believe this, but Facebook reminded me that six years ago, in April too, I broke up with my ex boyfriend of seven years, after a trip that was also paid entirely by me and his words were exactly the same “I just want to be alone”.
History repeats itself. All I can say is fuck. I hate all of this.@MissDre I’m really happy for you. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet but I actually felt happy over your news. Congrats.
@kmentthat It’s so sad when you realize the honeymoon period is over. But also you feel like you are closer and you have history and you know more about this person. Reminds me of an episode in Friends. But he was terrible in his timing. My boyfriend tends to do that -.-
Like @kmentthat I would not have responded. I hate when people do that and come up with all kinds of excuses.
@MissDre I thought I posted this earlier but it appears I didn’t. Anyways, one of my best friends is happily married to a guy she saw literally five different times, including their wedding.
They met here during a wedding, spent a couple of days together. Then he came to visit for a week a couple months later. Then, she went there two times for two weeks with a couple months in between, and then they got married here. We are talking very long distance (UK-Latin America), 8+ hour time difference and all. And they made it work. They have been married for 4 years.
Even after they got married, she had to spend six months here waiting for her visa. So, it can be done. Good luck.Yes, my BF is currently living with his mom. During our conversation he said that he KNOWS he has to move out, just isn’t ready yet. Wants a lifetime with me, says he loves me (and it shows). He says that he will stick to my timeline if that will make me happy and says he would do anything to make me happy. But I don’t want to impose anything or make him do anything he’ll regret. Also, I don’t know if I still have a timeline. After all of this, I realized that I don’t know if I want to move in yet. Marriage and children are definitely not on my short term plans. And moving in, I don’t know. I love the moments I spend with him, we have a lot of fun but I also love being alone in my house, with my cats. I love my privacy and that I can do anything I want. I don’t know why I brought the moving in thing up, maybe because everybody is doing it?
I have been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who got engaged and started planning her wedding. Realized everything was super expensive so every week she postponed it or reduced it until she was set on eloping and her fiance kept pressuring for a date. She says that one day she got home and wanted to be alone and forgot he was there. When she saw him there she realized she wasn’t ready to get married. She thought that it was what she wanted but it wasn’t. Told the fiance and he decided to end the relationship. She says that she is the happiest person since. She has no BF at the moment and lives fully. I understand there are a lot of factors in this history (maybe he wasn’t suit for her) but she always reminds me that it’s ok to do things on your own time and not take steps just because of status quo or because “you’ve been dating so long” or because everybody else is doing it (at 31, you feel EVERYBODY else is there). I said that I wanted someone to be excited about a future with me and I have it. I also said I wanted a commitmment and I feel he is committed. I don’t know, I guess will keep talking about it and time will tell what the right thing is.
@MissDre: That is exciting. You are finally getting what you deserve. Please don’t let fear take away the excitement. If we were afraid of failing everytime, we would never do anything.Like Kate says, I think it’s personal and varies. My BF’s parents divorced when he was 8-9. His father cheated on his mother and, as a result, got the other woman pregnant with twins. His sister was not even a year old when all of that happened. He was a child and suddenly, everyone started telling him that he was the man of the house now and that he had to take care of his mom and sister from now on. After that, his father stayed with the other woman (they’re still together and married) and his mom raised both kids almost by herself. His dad has a relationship with them, loves them very much but never helped them financially. Never bought them anything, not even a pencil to go to school. His mom had it rough. He says that by moving in with me he would feel like abandoning his mom. He has a hard time expressing his feelings. I don’t really think that he is afraid of commitmment with me, because he seems very committed with me and we don’t have issues outside of this. Like @K, I am thinking if walking away is the only solution to this. And getting engaged and married is not important to me. So, I’ve been thinking and thinking.
This week we haven’t talked much because he is out of town. We talked on the phone a little and he says that he will agree to any timeline I propose. But I want him to want it, not to just roll with me. He says he wants to be with me forever and sees himself with me in the long run. We’ll talk this weekend and we’ll see.
