call-me-hobo
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Can I just say that “triggered” is not the right word for what happened in this scenario? Triggering is scenarios or phrases that induce panic attacks/PTSD flashbacks. I think it’s pretty dramatic to claim that some people were “triggered” by the fact that Veritek said she had a busy weekend. Were people annoyed by Veritek? I think so. But to claim that Veritek said anything that could be construed as a trigger topic is stretch.
I agree with @Lianne 100%. I also agree with the spirit of some of jimmy jam’s comments (which I feel were a little too agressive, but definitely some truths that Veritek needs to hear).
Veritek, sometimes you just have to shake yourself out of the pity party. I’m sure you’ve got great friends, but none of that reflects here, because you don’t mention it. Maybe your friendships ARE sustaining you, but from this end it doesn’t look like it. You need to start pushing yourself further.
Yeah, the meetup thing didn’t work, but instead of looking for a different option your attitude is very “oh, well”. Your relationship with TT seems to be all on his terms. You seem like you aren’t every interested in your own agency.We all care about you on DW, but sometimes reassuring words aren’t enough. If the self care, cozy stuff isn’t helping you, Veritek, maybe it’s time for a kick in the ass. Be active in your own life- you DO have the power to change what you’re unhappy with. Work hard- it will be uncomfortable and scary, but we all know you can do it.
Once you truly start finding satisfaction in you and your life, you will see the positivity radiate to all aspects of your life.
I don’t think what you did was necessarily *stupid*, but honestly, don’t say stuff you don’t mean.
I think that part of what is happening with you is that you are continuing the cycle of bad behaviors that you’ve learned from your mother. My mom is very passive aggressive, and eventually I had to realize that I had adopted some of her behaviors which negatively affected my relationships.
The text message you sent, while I’m sure you didn’t intend for it to be that way, was passive aggressive. You basically said- I totally understand if you want to dump me because I’m crazy. The reason why he said he didn’t know how to respond is because there are only two acceptable responses to a statement like that
A) To placate you and make you feel better about an overreaction on your part, forcing him to apologize to/comfort you. Or-
B) To take it as a passive hint that you don’t want to date him anymore, and the onus is now on him to end the relationship.Both of those put all the effort on him to facilitate the action of the relationship. I think it might time to go on a serious dating hiatus and really start leaning into therapy and analyzing your own behaviors.
