carolann

I am sorry, but I still don’t believe the mother of the child is entitled to the SS benefits of someone if they aren’t the child’s father. I find it suspect of the mother to come out if the woodwork only because a she found out about the death of a possible father. And then to flat out refuse to have a regular dna test.
I have been a single Mom without child support, so I have been there. Does not mean she is entitled to SS of a man who wasn’t the father and NONE of the people involved know for sure. If the mother were so certain she wouldn’t be afraid of testing the living brother. She is purposely avoiding this because she knows the living brother may be the father.
The mother does not know for sure who the father is, how could she if she slept with both of them?
And it would be nice if the addicted son had a child to do better by, maybe he would. If you talk to former addicts and ask why they quit, many of them will tell you they did it for the love of a child or Grandchild. This does happen. This guy would also be given some legal incentive to pay child support. Child support informant is very good depending on the State. (Unfortunately)
I think all of you are being ridiculous and if you were the Grandmother you would want to know also. No one here could possibly understand if they haven’t been there.
I am sorry for the struggle of the mother, but she made the choice to be a single mom…no one forced it upon her. She doesn’t deserve SS if he isn’t the dad. That would be SS fraud which takes money from someone else.

Yes, he can stop the direct deposit, but you can put aside money to get ready to move out. You can transfer $ out of the joint account into an online acct or paypal. If he isn’t good with money he probably won’t notice.
Act like nothing is wrong and start putting aside money. You can also go ahead and give your landlord notice and ask them to keep it on the down low (no pun intended) If you have your own salary and have been paying the bills getting a storage unit and a weekly rental should be easy. (Much easier than if you were a stay at home mom with no income) You can already have important things packed up in storage (things he won’t notice) and then when you are ready you come back with police and clear out. Make SURE you get all your finances in order and get your personal papers out of the house.
Start documenting everything too cause he may try to use anything and everything against you.
When I kicked my first husband out he actually broke back into the house while I was at work and took my entire file cabinet with all my papers, title to my car etc…I had the key, so he pried it open. I had to get the police involved. This could get ugly, so be ready. Plan everything ahead. Keep all evidence where he can’t find it.

After you give your landlord notice and you are leaving if he doesn’t leave the landlord can deal with him. They can evict him. Future potential landlords will concentrate on evictions on your credit. It is doubtful they will try to put anything on your credit. If they threaten to make you pay for the remainder of the lease you can make payment agreement with them to pay whatever off. They usually won’t sweat it if the place is re rented quickly. Let them know the situation and they should be willing to work with you.
As far as your kid goes as long as you are close you can keep him in the same school until you find a permenant place to live. I would not advise involving the school until you have everything sorted out. That could be used against you.
If you really want to do this it is very possible and with careful planning you should be able to do it without causing your child too much stress.
If you decide to stay that is your business, but this situation will go downhill fast. I SERIOUSLY doubt he has stopped the drugs and his wreckless behavior…well you have NO IDEA what he is really doing once he walks out the door. I wouldn’t believe him if he told me the sky was blue…

One of my friends had this happen to her. She was quite a bit older (50’s) at the time. They had been married for 20+ years. They had two teenage kids that grew up with my older daughter. (Same godparent) Her husband’s mother died and the second she was gone he went buck wild. He was literally attempting to f anything that moved that didn’t beat him off with a stick male, female whatever warm body.(and he was drinking heavily, probably doing drugs too, I wouldn’t be surprised) She figured out that he had a profile on a mfm site, so she posed as another male in the area and according to her, her husband responded in like 1 minute. That was all the proof she needed.
I think that is exactly what you should do.
Stop being scared and do what you have to do.
Put your stuff in storage, get a P.O. box and have all your mail sent there and move into a local weekly motel until you sort it out. There are social services that can help you.
If he is bad with money and buying drugs you probably pay most of the bills anyway and if your place is so expensive, renting a one room weekly place with kitchenette will probably be cheaper. It is still summer, so your kid isn’t in school, right?
To avoid confrontation move stuff into storage a little at a time while he is gone. Then when you have all the important stuff, take off. You can come back for the bigger things later with a police escort. I don’t trust this guy and cocaine can make people more violent.
You CAN do this.

I would imagine that all this will work itself out. Hopefully he will stick to his guns and she will eventually come around. It may take a while though.
My daughter has her Godmother who has pretty much slid in and taken my place. (The fact that she travels for a living and has access to fabulous locations and surrounds herself with famous actors and musicians doesn’t hurt either) but I comfort myself with the notion that she will come around eventually. That isn’t even what bothers me the most. Worrying about her safety and well being is what really gets to me. The Godmother officially lives in California and my daughter lives in Atlanta, so she drops in during layovers and such (she owns real estate here.) My daughter doesn’t drive (she refuses to get her license and hires cars to take her wherever) it is the fear that she we be a victim that scares me. She isn’t street smart enough. She thinks she is, but she isn’t.
He is probably really worried about what is going on with her and if she is safe etc.
When it gets to the point that both of you are getting physical it is time to back off before something very bad happens. Again without TMI, in the not so distant past I had someone push my son, I pushed them back and they ended up in the ICU fighting for their life. They could have died and I could be in jail. Things can get dangerous very easily. I did NOT mean to hurt this person and they almost DIED because of a simple push.
If it were me I would tell him I was there for him and give the situation space before it pushes you two further apart or escalates to someone getting hurt.
His (and you’re) getting violent is a warning to back off a bit.

I don’t understand why the husband’s friend is backing his wife up. He should tell his wife to stfu and pay for whatever himself. Are they like desperate for money or something? I don’t understand why her husband isn’t embarrassed by his wife’s actions. If my husband did something like this (having the nerve to go through my friends personal items) I would never ask my friend to pay for it. That would be so embarrassing! Sounds like they are both wacky wack.
My grandfather used to have the human version of that combs back in the 60s. It is still sitting in my Grandmother’s bathroom drawer.

I was thinking more along the lines that LW has been paying for all these trips (since she is rolling in it,right?)And the boyfriend likes her enough to go on fabulous vacations for free, but doesn’t really care for her. Kind of reminds me of the pseudo “model” ultra gross “Hot Felon” who is photographed slobbering all over the “heiress” Chloe Green. I ‘ll bet if she was broke she wouldn’t hear from him again.