Copa
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Weed or CBD?
@hfandtods I don’t think you needed to tell him but I also don’t think it’s a big deal to do so. It’s funny, last month a couple friends were in town and we went to a large, crowded craft fair. At one point, my friend nudged me because there was a guy not at all discreetly looking at me. It was a guy I went on a handful of dates with two years ago, and he was very obviously trying to see if it was me. We exchanged pleasantries when we made eye contact. Then he walked faster to catch up with the girl he was with and they walked away holding hands. Not a big deal, but I felt kind embarrassed (or a similar emotion?) after for some reason. I’m not sure why I felt anything. I’d basically forgotten about him, but really liked him when we met, and was pretty sad when he didn’t want to see me anymore. He is maybe 1-2 years younger than I am and has aged a LOT in the past two years, and when I told my friend that he’d be 30 now she was aghast.
@Ale Yay Ale! That sounds like a good first date! He wouldn’t be trying to arrange a second date if he didn’t like you at all. For first date outfits, casual but cute. I struggled the most with after work first dates, because my work outfits didn’t feel like date outfits. But skinny jeans with a cute top and booties would be pretty normal for me, so I think what you wore is fine. I’ll also add, when I jumped into the online dating scene a few years ago, I’d stress about what to wear. Then dating got exhausting, and I stopped stressing, but by then I had a few go-to outfits. I think as long as you wear something flattering that makes you feel pretty and confident, you’re set.
@JD Come to Chicago! Aren’t you nearby? It’s such a great foodie city! I have a list of restaurants to try that I’m never going to get through.
Yeah, I guess I just think of one ex in particular where our date nights were often in (we were in school and poor, so whatever), but kinda cringe that we were always eating on the couch in front of the TV.
I’m curious how often those of you in longer relationships stay in vs. go out? I think I’ve realized (through falling in ruts in past relationships where we did too much nothing on the couch together) how important actual date nights are, and curious how you all find balance.
I can’t speak for everyone, but our night in for his bday was impromptu and a surprise to him. We’d been planning one thing (an experience), but I had three back-to-back weekends of visitors and he was probably on the road for work. So our plans got pushed off. One night a couple weeks after his bday, our plans still hadn’t happened, and I’d invited him for dinner anyway. At the store I decided to buy him a small cake and some candles, and surprise him with them. It was casual, it was unplanned. I don’t think he was expecting anything from me for his birthday, really, but I wanted to acknowledge it. If we’re still dating for his birthday next year, yeah, I think we’d do dinner or maybe even a weekend trip or something? But that’s getting ahead of myself.
Also, more generally speaking, I already eat and drink out a fair amount, my city has no shortage of great food and drinks, which is at odds with my attempts to be healthy. So I do tend to suggest some dates be dinner in because I want to eat something that I have control over what goes into it, and I’m fine doing the cooking in those situations.
BG and I are carving pumpkins together on Sunday! On Saturday I was invited to a Halloween party at a neighbor’s. It starts mid-afternoon and I thought it was sweet that BG is planning to come with me anyway even though he’s going to a concert that evening and won’t be able to stay long.
In two weekends one of his college roommates is coming to town with his wife and BG says he wants me to meet them. I’m kinda nervous! I feel like he’s constantly meeting my friends and I met a few of his on an early-on date at an art show, and none since.
As an aside, I’m not sure when my life became so go-go-go but I am really looking forward to going to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, where I can eat and sleep and read and not have a ton of commitments.
My dog has his own Instagram account (I have nothing to do with it :-P). He’s very handsome.
Friday, BG and I did dinner, drinks, and a movie (Crazy Rich Asians). Saturday, went out with some college friends to watch football and have drinks, and as a result I spent like half of Sunday hungover on the couch.
@Alafair I wouldn’t put too much pressure on the gift. BG had his bday about a month ago at the two-ish month mark. I was going to take him indoor skydiving, but time got away from us and ended up cooking him dinner and getting a nice dessert to share. He seemed to appreciate the gesture of wanting to celebrate together in some way. So I’m sure AG will appreciate the gesture and thought.
@Fyodor Was it HOF’s litter reunion or just a rescue reunion? I get together with my dog’s litter and owners several times a year and it’s so much fun. We drink and eat while our pups play.
You are giving this way (WAY!) too much thought. You say your conversations were an emotional affair, but you also say they are harmless in yours eyes — which is it? It can’t be both.
I missed the detail in your first letter that he’s pulling away. Maybe his wife is growing suspicious of how much time he’s spending on freakin’ SnapChat. Maybe he’s gotten bored. Maybe he’s decided he wants to fix the problems in his marriage and can’t do that with you. Either way, it sounds like he’s fading out, so why even bother worrying about what type of polite goodbye you owe him?
If you want someone to talk to, go meet people in real life. A lot of adults are a bit lonely and looking to make new friends.
So it’s kind of weird that you’re chatting on SnapChat. I don’t really “get” SnapChat, but it seems like it’d be a cheater’s paradise since exchanges are deleted.
If it feels inappropriate to you — which you say it’s starting to — then it probably is inappropriate. You can stop talking to him with no explanation; you’ve never met, so he’s effectively a stranger to whom you owe nothing. Or if you must, you send him a note saying that you feel your relationship is inappropriate, and goodbye, and good luck.
Lastly, you may want to invest more time in cultivating relationships in person. Developing feelings for someone you’ve never met before — who could be lying about any number of things — isn’t really normal. Take up a new hobby. Join a MeetUp group. Get out there!
