Copa

We had some home expenses come up that have been a lot and I’m also cutting back on spending and not buying bags! I’m going on a trip with my mom and sister and I’m excited for it but my finances are currently a point of stress. Just sharing the sale cause it’s a good one and the L&S bags I’ve had have held up very well over the years.

I’m glad you were able to treat yourself a bit, @Anonymousse, but sorry you had a shitty bday day. That’s exciting about school and making some new friends, though.

I applied for a job with the state a few weeks ago. Today I got the strangest email to date in response to any application I’ve ever sent. It was an email letting me know I meet or exceed the minimum criteria for the role and I was given a numerical score on my application. The email went on to explain that the number I got is the equivalent of getting an A under their old applicant grading system. But that’s it so far. No interview request. The email invites applicants an to appeal their score/grade if they feel it’s not a reflection or their true fit for the role. Which seems odd. They don’t explain why or how you got your score, so I don’t know how anyone can appeal. We’ll see what happens. If I’m never invited to interview… at least I got an A?

My worst breakup was in my 20s at a point where I was moving around a bit for work… I had no real support system nearby and I know how much that sucks. I recommend the following:

– Reach out to the friends you neglected. Apologize. True friends will understand and still be in your corner.
– Reach out to good friends who don’t live nearby. My biggest supporter during the breakup I referenced was a good, trusted friend who lived in a different country.
– Find ways to add to your life. I say this as someone who is childfree and spends her time doing exactly what she wants when she wants, but volunteering, signing up for class or workshop, or picking up a new hobby are all great options. Especially if there’s a social component to it. Creative pursuits are supposed to have similar benefits to meditation. Maybe as a parent you can sign up for something with your daughter or be involved with her school or something.
– Take good care of yourself physically. Eat well, move your body, get some fresh air and sunshine when you can. Or, at least, do your best. I know sometimes sadness can knock us down to the point where it’s hard to do the things we know we should do to feel our best, but as long as you’re trying.
– It sounds like you’re still living together(?), but I really recommend going no contact as soon as you are able.
– Stay in therapy.

Breakups are really hard, but it gets easier. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and giving yourself grace during through the difficult moments. Good luck!

This is a “not my circus, not my monkeys” situation IRL so I’m going to share it here.

My sister is back on Bumble after a breakup and last week she sent me a screenshot of a guy I know from college. As adults we’ve now overlapped living in two different cities and connected both times. I decided a handful of years ago that I wasn’t interested in being friends because I think he’s gross to women — at one point he even told me I should lose 10 lbs to be more competitive in dating — so at this point only see him if a mutual friend coordinates something. Years ago he cheated on his gf of like five years using Tinder — he was early 30s and matched/slept with a woman who was 18, whom he later found out was still in HS. He and one of my work friends matched on Bumble maybe 5-6 years ago while he and his long-term girlfriend of 7-8 years were broken up, and it ended dramatically after a few dates, then a couple years later they reconnected and tried to be friends and it got shady (he was back with his gf by then). I’ve mentioned him in this thread before and could write paragraphs about all the stuff he’s done that I side eye. ANYWAY, he moved in with his much-younger girlfriend a couple years ago and I know they got a puppy together last spring. I have every reason to believe they’re still together. But if his Bumble profile is being shown, it means he’s been active recently!!? I do not miss online dating.

Uh, yeah, so I don’t really follow celebrity gossip or anything, so I didn’t/don’t know much about Ashton Kutcher. But omg some of what I’ve read in the past few days. Like that his letter as a character witness for Danny Masterson saying that Danny is the reason he’s not addicted to drugs… but per Demi Moore, he questioned if alcoholism and addiction are even a “thing” and encouraged her (a recovering alcoholic) to try drinking in moderation during their marriage. (Which she did try, and it spiraled.) And I guess he also came to Joe Paterno’s defense when he was fired for covering up the child sexual abuse scandal at PSU years ago. Dude sucks. I also saw that he and Mila Kunis are now publicly apologizing.

Re: the anger we feel toward people who wronged us in less extreme ways a long time ago, when I think about how I still occasionally get angry or upset about the pain some men inflicted on me when I was younger — some of which still comes up in therapy yearrrrs later — 30 years in prison as punishment for a serial rapist seems like NOTHING.

Off topic, but has anyone ever worked with a career coach before? Through my alumni association, I have a few free sessions with one. I feel like I have nothing to lose with the freebie sessions, but I know the end game is trying to sell me on one of their services, so thought I’d ask if anyone in this online community has worked with one before and if they found it valuable.

@TheLadyE How are you doing now? I’m sorry for your health issues. I imagine it feels different being told you can’t have kids vs. thinking “maybe someday…” or deciding it’s not for you. I’ve never felt a pull to have kids, but if a doctor told me I couldn’t have them, IDK that I wouldn’t have a reaction.

@ktfran I will probably make that corn soup soon. The bf loves corn and I love soup!