Copa
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@veritek – Is this the same guy you’ve mentioned before? The one you met online but ended up becoming just friends with (but who started putting out more-than-friend vibes)?
Eh. My last serious boyfriend was in his early 30s when we dated, and just about everyone assumed he was in his 40s. I suppose by the time I met him his hair had started to betray him, but when I saw pictures of him from college, he looked older than his age then, too. He was, in my opinion, a very handsome guy. Some people don’t have baby faces, I guess?
Side note: Now that I’m 30, everyone (EVERYONE!) mistakes me for 26 if they don’t know how old I am, and I am SO FLATTERED. And I tell everyone it’s the sunscreen 🙂
@veritek – Yikes! That’s fairly nutso! Only once have I ever had a guy drunk-text me prior to our first date (that I am aware of), and it was a huge turn-off for me because I found it obnoxious. And my situation wasn’t even that bad.
I was supposed to see the British guy I’ve been dating yesterday for the first time in a couple weeks, but we’re both under the weather and ended up canceling. And now I won’t see him until January due to work and holiday travel schedules. Bah. It’s moving really slowly and although I haven’t met anyone else yet, I recently started using apps again just to keep my options open.
Also – tiny crush on a married co-worker. Which is, for me, just kinda fun. It’s nice being around men who I appreciate, who I think are good and kind, because it’s a pleasant reminder that men like him exist!
@MissDre – maybe start dating other men if you choose to continue to get to know this guy? It doesn’t sound like you’re exclusive, so it may be better to open up your options rather than putting all of your hopes onto one person whose longer-term future seems so tentative. If it were me, I think I’d cut and run now. Even if you’re still dating in a couple months, that’d still be really early in a relationship to make big life/career decisions over another person. :-/
I’m with Kate about talking to him before you kiss him! Attraction usually grows for me, so I don’t find this odd. That Aziz Ansari book talks about how familiarity breeds fondness and attraction, so you never know! Maybe once he was friend-zoned it was easier for him to not be nervous around you. Also, I think it’s awesome you turned an online date into a legitimate friend — I’ve tried with a couple men when I enjoyed their company a lot but just didn’t feel romantic vibes with zero success.
The friend who I wrote about in my last post — the one who told his buddies to come to my place on Halloween — friend-dumped me this weekend. He basically told me his feelings are too much to be around me as just friends. Except he expressed it pretty poorly/in a way that made me question if he likes me at all as a person to spend time with. So. Kinda sad about that.
So, one of my friends likes me as more than a friend. I like him a lot as a person and have even wondered a few times if I have romantic feelings for him. I spent the day with him yesterday and it was great! He went home at one point to get his costume for the night and we were going to go out with a few other people… and then he texted me telling me that he’d given my address out to his buddies and we’d all be meeting at my place to kick off the night, so hurry on up to get ready because they’re gonna show up soon. And I was so annoyed. It’s like every time I wonder why we’re not more than friends he does something that irritates the crap out of me.
@MissDre – We live in the same city, but he’s a consultant so he travels a lot. I think the norm for consultants is travel Mon-Thurs, but his schedule isn’t that forgiving right now. I’m busier than I’ve ever been at work these days so his travel didn’t bother me in the least until last week when I started wondering if he was ghosting. At this point in time, no real expectations, but I’m not actively pursuing other options (too busy to worry much about dating, so my companionship needs are met right now). I think he’s so unbelievably kind and open-minded and want to continue to get to know him. He’s said he’s ready to slow down and settle down — so I at least know we’re both wanting the same thing — but the rest of the year will probably be just as crazy between his travel and those pesky holidays. (He’s British and will be heading home to England to visit his family in December, SO there’s also that to factor in.) I guess the ghosting scare made me realize that 1) I genuinely like his presence in my life, 2) I miss his absence from my life, and 3) if things ended now, I’d be left wondering what could’ve been. On the bright side, I’ve been too busy to over-analyze until really recently. 😛
Okay, I no longer think he’s ghosting. I asked him when he’s going to be in town for longer than 24 hours, and he told me the dates (a couple weeks from now). They happen to coincide with the completion of his first full marathon and his birthday. So I suggested we plan something celebratory and he said he’s in, seems genuinely glad (from what I can glean through text) I suggested it. He also apologized for being away so much and told me that this year has been abnormally travel-heavy for him, and told me that he has ZERO work trips in January.
I suppose he could still go on to ghost me, but also think I’ve had so many men act like dbags toward me over the years that it’s hard to imagine anyone could actually just be busy. Which is a bit sad.
@veritek – Normally I think it’s rude to ghost someone even after just one date (because of how easy it is to send a text), but I think borderline-harassment like what you experienced is a good reason to break that rule. I’ve canceled a couple dates before for legitimate reasons and had a couple dates canceled/rescheduled on me, so if a person is flipping out over one canceled date, consider that a bullet dodged.
Congrats, KTFran!!! 🙂 Engagement earrings sound lovely! And, I’d elope if I were engaged!
@Moneypenny – Starting last week, I noticed a decline in communication frequency. He said work got crazy (which I believe knowing what company he works for and his role there), but this is the excuse I’ve gotten from other guys riiiight before they fade out. (I suppose I’ve only been legitimately ghosted with no slow fade once, a couple years ago after a couple months of dating.) So, it may be premature to worry, but it’s so familiar that I can’t help but think, “Yep. Here we go again!” Whatever you wanna call it, after a few months of daily contact and regular dates (to the extent possible with his travel schedule), I think a “sorry, this isn’t working for me” text or call is warranted. Time to just wait and see I suppose!
I think I’m being ghosted by the guy I’ve been dating since July. It’s still pretty casual (he’s a consultant and travels a lot for work so scheduling can be an issue), but we text or talk by phone daily even when he’s away so I feel sad about it. I know a few people in this thread have said they expect to be ghosted nowadays, but I hate this feeling and don’t think I will ever get used to this as the norm.
If the constant chatter is already annoying you, I don’t think that bodes well, but I also don’t think there’s any harm in continuing to get to know him better if you’re on the fence.
One of my best friends is a chatterbox and I’ve on occasion thought about how I couldn’t date her male equivalent for that reason.
