Copa

Are you kidding me about having crushes in your 30s? I LOVE having crushes nowadays because they’re way more rare for me now. Every single crush I’ve had in the past, I dunno, 3? 4? years has been fairly ridiculous (nothing I ever would’ve acted on — people like my former boss, who was married but just a really good, kind, dorky man) but so much fun.

So I’m feeling better about things and back on Tinder already. I know I’ve already said this in this thread, but I like Tinder.

So awhile ago (December!) when I was out with some friends, one of them, who does not have social media, was playing around on my dating apps. I was under the impression that these apps don’t match you with anyone you are Facebook friends with, but one of the guys she right-swiped and (I) matched with is an acquaintance of mine from college. She didn’t know this and started chatting with him, then eventually held up my phone to show me the cute guy “we” were talking to. So we texted him that night and I told him he’d been talking to my friend (which I don’t think he necessarily believed?). In any case, we’ve been trying to coordinate going out together since December and haven’t been able to, but we’re going out to brunch this weekend. I’m not sure if either of us is interested in the other. We’ve lived in the same city twice: in college (he was an acquaintance’s long-term, serious college boyfriend) and when I was in grad school (at which point I had a long-term, serious boyfriend). We’ve never been single in the same city at the same time, so I’ve never really paused to think of him as a romantic option. I’m curious to see what brunch will be like. If nothing else I’m pumped to have reconnect with an old friend since the past 6 months or so, the closest friends I’ve made in this city have moved away.

I also think communication skills can be worked on if both people are willing, but recently watching a friend go through a separation (one of their biggest issues is communication and divorce seems likely for them at this point) makes me think you can only work on it to a point. Like that eventually you reach a point where you each are who you are and even despite effort may never be able to communicate in a way where the relationship is workable. I feel exhausted just listening to what’s going on with them because they spend 80% of their relationship trying to fix something that just doesn’t seem to work between them. But maybe that’s not you guys, I can’t say. That said, it sounds like he’s just sweeping things under the rug with promises to do better next time (and likely not doing better next time), which isn’t great.

@MissDre – No explanation OR apology? Good riddance. I wouldn’t give him the time of day.

I responded somewhat rudely to the guy who texted me. Feel bad now. Debating apologizing but probably not worth it.

I did think we were on the brink of either walking away or committing. I guess I just thought we’d go the commitment route, things were (I thought) going really well. Not doing the best at concentrating at work today (oops) and keep wondering which signs I missed or misread.

All that said, though, I’m glad I didn’t get ghosted. That was the worst dating anxiety I’ve ever felt when it happened to me, and it wasn’t even with a guy I’d been on a date or two with. Ugh.

From what little I know of him/the situation, I’d be inclined to believe the Middle East thing is real, @MissDre — though mostly because I think it’d be fairly bonkers to make up an international trip/job offer to ghost someone who already lives a distance away from you. How he handled everything else was shitty.

The one guy to totally ghost me after a few months of dating was a little less than two years ago, not long after I moved here. We live in the same neighborhood and I run into him from time to time. The first time we ran into each other, it’d been a few months and I was over it, would have said hello and continued with my day, but he pretended he didn’t see me. We don’t have run-ins often, but because he chooses not to acknowledge my existence, it’s uncomfortable when we do. And every time, I think to myself, “THIS. This is why you break up with someone, even if it’s just through text, ESPECIALLY when you live just blocks from one another.”

Eh, I’d rather not focus on why/what happened because I’ll drive myself nuts wonder what’s wrong with me. As a general rule, though, I don’t think the reason someone doesn’t want to date me matters. It only matters to me that they don’t want to be with me.

He’s a Republican and I was actually wondering about whether we’d be compatible longer term myself — I’m not quite sure our values were enough in alignment for a future but it seemed premature to call it off myself. Pretty sure he was horrified by my pro-choice stance, though. Ha.