CurlyQue
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“I want something good, innocent and beautiful in my life and she is the
perfect fit…. Cant you just give me an idea, a clue, a tip, something…
Asking her out is an idea yes, but before that what kind of things can I do
to weaken the wall?But I dont want her to think that it is not that big of a deal if she
rejects me, cause it is a big deal…”All of the above is creepy. You don’t need to weaken her wall, you don’t need to worry about “sneaking in”. Rejecting you also shouldn’t be framed as a big deal. As the others have stated rejection happens to everybody multiple times. You’ll live.
If you’re really interested in her (like you claim) then you ask her out. You don’t need to be a mind reader to date. You don’t need to be some psychic ninja wall weakener. You just need to be genuine and ask the person out and get to know them. That’s what dating is. Shared experiences, lots of conversation, always getting to know more about each other.
@TheHizzy, i do not see it but i also have fleshy arms. Possibly if you had really toned arms and flexed you could see it. The doctor inserting it (beyond telling me how my time is running out to have kids @ 31 yrs old!) told me to check on it every once in a while and if i find it’s moved to come in so far i haven’t noticed anything.
As long as we’re talking alternate birth control methods. I got the implant in the arm this year and really like it. Random spotting but no full on periods and i didn’t notice an adjustment period.
@Lucidity i think your take is probably what happened. Small red flags in the beginning that he decided to look past because he loved my mom so much. He really did, he adored her. That he’s not mad at her now surprises me, but as he’s said he has no regrets and i’m his daughter.
I don’t have really any new thoughts on the subject, just absorbing the information and making sure i remember that my dad doesn’t see me as that cuckoo bird either, nor is he ashamed of me.
THANK YOU for all those who commented. I’ve heard stories of people finding these kinds of things out after uploading to 23andMe (Ancestry, etc.) and finding half siblings or that they’re adopted, etc. I just never expected i’d be one of them. Goes to show you never know till you know and as you’ve all said family is who you make it and that’s what matters.
Thank you guys for your compassion. The story has always been that my parents met and my father followed her home, that i was the product of their first night and then they waited a couple years (till my mother was pregnant with my brother) to get married. I knew my birth certificate didn’t list him at first and then he added his name but i don’t remember the timeline i was told for this.
My bio dad was apparently a coworker she had seen a few times, and she knew she was pregnant prior to meeting my dad. …I feel a bit like those birds that leave their eggs in other birds’ nest to raise, like my dad was tricked. It’s one of the reasons i kind of hope he was just blindsided and answered with the easiest route at first.
My grandmother knew i was doing the kits and she never said a word until after i found out. Saying she wanted to tell me not to do them but knew i’d then ask why.
Logically i know this doesn’t really change my family and that i’m very lucky to have the loving support network that i do. Re the bio, there’s not much i can think to do except for maybe to do ancestry’s since they may have a bigger network of people to connect with. I’m just shell shocked and it’s helpful to talk out loud about it to someone that’s not part of it.
I just don’t get their response. Their response to your no-kids event (since they’re unwilling/unable) should’ve been.
Happy Birthday! We’re not able to leave little Jr at home but wish you the happiest of birthdays! Maybe you can come by for a drink/dessert after little Jr is asleep on a different day? (or some other such suggestion)
LW, i also think you could reconsider the idea of meeting out at a restaurant for either a meal or just dessert and drinks. You dismissed it since people said it would be to expensive to bring their kids to…but that’s kind of the point. It becomes more expensive for them than if they were just meeting at your home sans kids but this may be the step you need to make to really exclude their children from this event.
I don’t see why if you told your gf what her relative told you why she would blame you. You SHOULD tell her what you were told. This relative sounds like they were stirring up trouble when they shouldn’t have been, though at least now you can be on the look out for any sort of relapse signs.
I’d also hold off on buying a house with her name on it until she has a stable job and has been there for 6+ months.
I think if you go the route that he’ll do the fade and just stop messaging that it will prolong your own stress and feelings over the situation. It would really be better for you if you just blocked him and carried on with your life. Sending him a message explaining seems over dramatic considering he’s fading himself out anyways. If you blocked him, he’d get the message easy.
You’ve said that your conversations are innocent and totally fine; then you say that your conversations are only ok because they’re in an “open” marriage… Which is it. Either you think your conversations and the amount of time you spend chatting is fine or you don’t.
You shouldn’t be so emotionally invested with a stranger you met online. The fact that you think this will keep you from opening up to anyone ever again (oh my!) makes me think you should be speaking to a counselor instead of this stranger.
You want him to be your companion? Don’t try to turn another woman’s husband into your companion. He’s probably fading because he realizes you’re taking this wayyyyyyyyy too seriously and are too invested in what he probably hoped would be a light hearted easy distraction.
Jules, you say:
“I’ve not pursued him. I haven’t gone looking for him. I haven’t sent him any messages.”But you have. You went looking for him after he didn’t respond to your message and learned he blocked you everywhere. The only reason this emotional affair has stopped is because either he got wise or his wife did; not because you had an emotional epiphany of the damage this relationship would do to your marriage. You still don’t seem to have realized that.
Do some soul searching and accept that what you were doing was inappropriate and why you would risk your marriage.
I’d be interested to know if the paternity test was done with the brothers in mind. A previous commenter suggested that if the people doing the test don’t know that paternity is between two brothers they may not do as thorough a test.
If that’s true the mother could request it be retested and maybe the deceased son is the father. Doesn’t really matter i guess since the grandmother is the one writing in and as i and others have mentioned her goal has never been about what’s best for her newly found granddaughter but as a tool to be used on her son.
