dinoceros
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It’s not 100 percent effective. So, when it’s taken, it may work, but it doesn’t work every single time. Just like preventive forms of birth control don’t work every time. Nothing is perfect.
Haha, blasphemy. Though I guess when I moved there, my co-worker did tell me that if we went out in Fargo, we’d have to wear our black pants instead of jeans. 😉
The people of Grand Forks were SO jealous of the Fargo Olive Garden. So jealous. Then they finally got their own. And…I don’t know what happened. I moved away right before it came. But I think that was the most anticipated Olive Garden ever.
“Jealousy and nagging” are not enough to push a person’s stress level over the edge. If they were, then it’s a sign that person is unable to balance their own life. In order to be in a relationship, a person needs to know how to have a job and a life and a relationship all at the same time. If they can’t, it’s on them. Plenty of people do it.
Brian Williams also personally dodged gunfire, I hear.
It’s also just not nice to use because that’s someone’s neighborhood. For them (which it sounds like you know already), it’s not a bad place to go at night, it’s where they raised their kids, etc. So using a term that essentially is talking about what a dump it is, specifically one that has been used to describe a place that a specific racial or ethnic group may populate is not necessary.
And I’d agree about the PC thing. What folks refer to as PC is literally someone saying, “Hey, that demeans a group of people, it’s rude” but because it gets called “PC” then it becomes something worth mocking.
This trip to Olive Garden did not cause your problems. His attitude that night was a symptom of the same issue that’s causing him to act this way. Talk to him about why he’s acting the way he’s acting, but sounds like he’s just over the relationship and instead of ending it, is just pouting.
Therapy isn’t a punishment, and suggesting it isn’t an insult. The LW expressed that he has negative effects related to thoughts he can’t control. That is something that therapists specialize in. They also help people figure out how to communicate with their loved ones about what’s going on. It’s unfortunate that society continues to push this idea that therapy is for people who have something “wrong” with them. It could help a lot of people if they were less close-minded about it.
Yeah, my parents’ divorce hasn’t scared me off from it. I associate their issues with them, not with marriage as an institution. I know there are legal issues that can be obnoxious to deal with, but breaking up with a long-term partner of like 10 years is not going to feel much better than breaking up with a spouse of 10 years. I think I’m more realistic about marriage, though. Part of why I don’t want to change my name if I get married is that I don’t want to have to change it back if I get divorced, but I certainly hope that if I get married, it lasts. I just know that it doesn’t always, and that’s OK, too.
To be fair, some people do regret having children. For some, it’s extreme. For others, it’s a realization that they never got to do the other things they want to do. Of course, the regret looks different because most people still love their child very much, even if they would do it differently if they went back in time.
I think some guys talk about hypotheticals because they think that’s a thing you say in relationships, not realizing that when other people do it, it’s because they actually envision those things happening with that person. I’ve had guys talking about logistics related to meeting their parents (like “Oh, don’t mention that to my mom when you meet her”) or something else in the long-term, and then finding out from them literally weeks later that they never intended on getting into relationship together. Or a guy who knew that it was never going anywhere because he was going to be moving away (but hadn’t gone public with that info yet). I think for them, they felt like talking about doing something in the future together or meeting parents or whatever was similar to like saying “I had fun on that date with you!” or “You’re so <insert compliment>.” Like they didn’t seem to have any concept that a person might say it specifically if that was a thing they foresaw actually occurring in the future.
I know I don’t want kids. I didn’t think I wanted them, and as I got older (through my late 20s), I began to know for sure. I have been in situation where I’ve watched parents doing normal daily parent stuff, like trying to cross a street with a kid or trying to wrangle a kid at the airport, and it sounds like pure hell to me. I can’t imagine that being my every day life. I also think about the other stuff, like teaching them how to drive and then worrying about them, having them vomit on me, etc., and none of that sounds pleasant. I also really appreciate sleep and doing what I want, and in imagining myself as a parent, I think I would miss it a lot.
Now, those things are not pleasant to anyone. But for me, it was also realizing that I don’t have the desire for kids or expect the amount of joy in having children that would make it worth it. Most people who have kids know that there are bad parts, but the joy outweighs all that. I know for me that I don’t really like kids much, and so there’s not enough of a draw for me to put up with the bad stuff.
I will say that doing things out of fear of regret is not a good thing to do. Regret is a part of life, and how much of a part of life it is depends on how much you let it be. People always regret something throughout life. That’s what happens when you have to make choices. But the issue with regret, IMO, is that it makes the assumption that the other choice would have been better, despite having no evidence to draw from. You could choose to not have kids or have kids, and not really be able to know for sure whether the other choice would have been better. It’s just your perception of that. That’s rambling, but hopefully it makes sense.
