dinoceros
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I think we’ve got ourselves a Trump voter. In fact, I think she is posting excerpts from his speech.
So, I guess by the bitterness, married boss didn’t leave his family for his 23-year-old employee? I need to pick my jaw up off the ground.
I could kind of see how it might just slip his mind. I am awkward a lot and find that I didn’t understand the etiquette of a situation. But taken altogether with the Melting Pot thing is kind of weird. I find that probably odder just because it’s one thing to talk to other people for advice, but the idea is that you eventually talk to the person involved. To have talked about it with everyone (still unclear whether it was advice or he was bitching about it) and only talk with you when you brought it up, and then tell you that he was talking to everyone else is very strange. Like if you hadn’t brought it up, what would he have done? Gone along with it? Just canceled? Complained to his friends?
I think a conversation that you could have would be just getting on the same page about money on dates. I do think if someone sat me down after a few dates and was like, you should have paid for my drink, and it was that one incident they were referring to, I would be kind of put off.
I don’t know if this was mentioned earlier, but generally, the age cutoff is because by 26 most people have already been exposed to HPV and it’s not going to matter. So, it wasn’t recommended (or studied as much) for people older than that, and most doctors follow that recommendation.
I got the vaccine and still got a high-risk strain, but it’s settled down now. Vaccine is good, but getting regular pap smears is the most important thing, whether you got the vaccine or not.
If you do feel that he thinks it’s that you are not ready, then it probably would be a good idea for you to make the move then.
It’d be good to find out why he’s not interested in that yet. Just to have an idea of when it go back on the table and whether it’s something that could become a dealbreaker. Is he shy or anxious? Asexual? Just in case it IS something that might change whether they keep dating or nice, it’d be good to find out now before making more of a commitment.
Kate makes good points. It sounds like for some of the things he’s said, your response has been sort of a “me too.” If that’s how you feel, then great! But if it’s a little different for you — like you enjoy spending time with him but aren’t sure yet — then it’s OK to say that. When I first was getting experience with guys, I felt like they knew how things are supposed to work, so I just sort of went with the flow, without checking in with myself as much. But it’s not a science — it’s just two people deciding how they feel and what they want to do.
So, I’m not going to go into the race part because there are a lot of nuances I don’t think i can capture. What I want to address is the term PC. In our society today, it’s generally used as a term to trivialize actual concerns. Not saying you are doing this, Mimosa, but many people who refer to political correctness use it as a way to shut down the conversation. “Oh, you think this is sexist? You’re too PC. The end.” It minimizes the feelings, thoughts, and facts of the person by saying “you only care about this because you’re too sensitive,” and ignores that there might actually be some truth behind it.
It also makes people assume that if someone says something is offensive, that the issue is that they are offended, not that the statement or action might be wrong or hurtful. The implication is that if they weren’t offended, then it would be fine. But things don’t work like that. If you tell someone you hate them and wish they die, it doesn’t become less cruel simply because they don’t really care that you said it and aren’t offended. it’s still a mean thing to say. That’s the case with racist, sexist or other -ist things. But if something is racist, it’s racist whether or not someone is offended. Otherwise, anything said in a KKK meeting without anyone else present would be A-OK. The issue is more that different people have different opinions of what is inappropriate or not, which is why discussions like this are good to have. But I think if our society is not willing to look at words, actions, and systems as being right or wrong, as opposed to putting the whole burden on the person who opposes it, then a lot of stuff will get written off for being “PC.”
I think even the “checking in” you’re referring to is a bit much, too. I’d just talk to my boyfriend as often as I normally talked to him. I don’t think you necessarily need to check to see if he is alive every time he goes out. If he turns his phone off or goes to sleep, and doesn’t answer, what would you do anyway? Giving in to the urge to check up on him seems like it’s just going to feed your fears because you’re not going to be able to relax until you know he’s OK. I’d echo therapy because they have good tactics for how to handle these kind of thoughts and anxieties.
I used to live in NYC. I was in a nicer neighborhood, and my boyfriend at the time was in a similar neighborhood as what you’re describing. It honestly never occurred to me to be worried for him because we were in NYC, and it’s sort of a given that you are at some risk of being a victim of crime. We all knew that when we chose to live there. It never occurred to me to give him safety advice. I don’t know where you live, but I feel like most crime occurs between people who know each other. Random crime is, well, random and less probable. It happens, but there’s not a lot you can do to prevent it. I had friends who were harassed walking in broad daylight, and then I’d turn around and take the subway home at 3 a.m. and no one spoke to me. I assume you mention race as a way to say that your boyfriend may be a target simply because of his race, but is that actually true? Are there honestly folks who are being randomly attacked on the street this often for that reason?
I think you need to get a handle of your stress over this. Do you normally have anxiety problems? Because this seems a little overboard.
