Essie
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
We’re talking about a couple of different things here. 1) The LW deciding whether she wants to stay in the relationship, and 2) revenge.
I think the LW already has decided that she’s done with this guy. I would, too. When you’re analyzing your BF’s interactions with another woman this closely, I think trust has been broken beyond repair. She’s not happy. He’s become more of a source of stress than a source of happiness. Time to move on.
Calling them out at a family event, the spy cam, etc – that’s just straight-up revenge. Punishing him, punishing her, punishing his family. Getting payback for the hurt. What’s the point? So you create a scene that people will be talking about for years. How does that help anything? Just walk away from the whole mess with your head held high.
Sarah, we’ve asked you this before and you never answered, and I’m just too curious. You know you don’t have to come here and look at this thread, right? That if you didn’t come to this web site, nobody would be talking to you, or about you? And you would never see anything that we’re saying?
Sarah, I don’t think you understand how harassment works. Or the law. Or the internet.
Guys, I think we have the makings of the next great reality show here. “The Life and Loves of Sarah B…Many Things Can Happen!” It’d have to be on a premium channel, since the FCC probably wouldn’t look too kindly on her unique way of expressing herself….
OMG, this is like a gift from the gods. And perfect timing. You have no idea how much I needed this today, thanks, Sarah B.!!
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but just because a neighborhood has a lot of people of a different race than you or your boyfriend, doesn’t mean it’s dangerous for you or your boyfriend to be there. Most people are not threatened by the presence of people of a different race, so it’s not like your boyfriend is in danger just because he’s in a black neighborhood.
And I wouldn’t have felt remotely threatened by what the person in the Starbucks said. The poor person was probably trying to be friendly and make you feel comfortable. You probably looked visibly nervous, since the neighborhood scares the daylights out of you. I would have turned around and smiled and struck up a conversation. People are generally kind, given half a chance, and usually react well to a friendly word. Less so to someone treating them like they’re some sort of dangerous creature.
I think this is more about your anxieties than your boyfriend’s safety.
Honestly, just let it go. Your boyfriend will be fine.
I see that you’re being beat up a bit on the race/gentrified neighborhood thing, and I think that’s because it’s not really relevant to your question.
I don’t see this as being any different than being frantic because your father won’t quit smoking, or your elderly, confused mother refuses to move into assisted living, or your boyfriend won’t quit skydiving, or anything else you see as unnecessarily risky. Remember the thread about the overweight BF with the unhealthy diet? Like that.
At some point, you have to accept that adults make their own choices and decisions, and that they’re responsible for the outcome of those decisions. And no matter how upsetting it may be, you can’t change people. You tell them your concerns, you make your argument for why they should change, and that’s all you can do. You have to let go.
I don’t think you’re being racist, but I’m really not sure what to tell you. You’ve made your concerns clear to him, on several occasions, and that’s about all you can do.
He’s an adult. No matter if you feel he’s being naive or clueless, it’s his life to live, and it’s not your place to micromanage how he opens his car doors or how he and his friends get home from a night out. You just can’t.
All I can say is, if you treat him like a child, you’re going to drive him away.
And yet this mess still had a happy ending…the poor little girl went to live with her mother. I hope she stays there, and I hope her mother files for full custody. Because God knows what her father will bring home next, if this is his “wonderful woman”. Sounds like he’s already shopping for the next wife.
And I didn’t say you weren’t intelligent, either. I said that the words you are choosing to say make you sound un-intelligent.
I repeat – choosing. Having a short fuse is no excuse for the language you use. You choose to go off on people for no good reason, you can also choose not to do that.
When you’re talking to people who don’t know you well, all they have to know you by is your words. And the way you talk to people makes them assume you’re not worth getting to know. Which is very, very sad.
You’re making your own life so much harder than it has to be.
Sarah, I think the heart of your problem is right here:
“Umm stop talking shit bout my therapist k thanks asshole. And another thing don’t call me ugly saying “ugliness” wtf. And I never said I won the thread jerk off god right now I’m dealing with other shit ”
If you keep talking to people that way, your life won’t get better. This isn’t anything to do with depression, or bipolar disorder, or anything else. This is something you can fix without therapists, or medication. Let me be as clear as possible: people won’t like you when you talk that way. Guys don’t want to date girls who are always spouting off with obscene, angry, nasty rants. If you talk that way on the job, you’ll never get or keep a good job.
To be even clearer: you’ve said many times that you’re intelligent, and you’re not immature. But you know what? Intelligent, mature people DO NOT TALK THAT WAY. You’re starting at a disadvantage with everyone you meet, because when people hear the words you keep using, they assume you’re stupid and/or immature. It’s like wearing a sign that says “I’m dumb.”
Perfect example. The way you reacted to the word “ugliness”. No one here called you ugly. No one. At all. They were saying that the things you’ve been saying are ugly. The words are ugly. They make people turn off and stop listening, or even dislike you. But what was your reaction? Instead of taking a minute to listen and think about what the person meant, you blew up and spewed even more ugliness.
You can change this. All by yourself. And I bet that one thing will make a huge difference in your life.
Sarah, the way you keep saying, “it could happen”, it’s pretty clear that you’re wishing for your boss to get divorced. But I wonder if you’re really thinking about what happens in a divorce. It’s not just “hey, hon, let’s not be married anymore, ok?” “k thx bye”.
Your boss got up in front of all of his friends and family and promised to love this woman for the rest of his life. And she did the same thing. These are two people who want to be together forever. When a relationship like that breaks up, it’s AWFUL. I’ve watched friends’ divorces, and it’s absolute agony. Imagine what that’s like – the person you thought you’d grow old with tells you they don’t love you anymore. The emotional damage from a divorce can take decades to get over. You would wish that on your boss and/or his wife? I really don’t think you would.
And it’s not just the couple. Close relationships with in-laws are broken. People lose their spouse and a big chunk of their family.
Friendships get broken in divorces, too, as people who were friends with the couple feel like they have to choose sides.
Then there’s the financial damage. I had a friend who was forced to declare bankruptcy after his wife left him. Seven years of ruined credit. Couldn’t even get a car loan.
Think about what you’re really wishing for here. You obviously care about this man a lot. I don’t think you really want to see his life ruined just so he could be freed up to date you.
He’s not available. I know you wish it were different, but it’s not. We don’t get all the things we want in life. Move on, and find a guy who you can actually have. Reality is way better than fantasy. 🙂
