Eve

Thank you so much for all the input, it is reassuring to know people feel so differently about this.
Personally I also get put off by excessive texting after one or two dates, or some cheesy messages. I guess so far I have always witnessed that if the guy is interested he would AT LEAST bother maintaining some basic level conversation/connection (like, drop a line once or twice at least to make some more concrete plans about the next date?) ..
But I’ll just chill and not over think this anymore and go with the flow, your responses really reassured me 🙂

This makes so much sense @dinoceros !
Of course a this stage “interested” is “I had a good time and I’m attracted to you so lets meet up again to see what happens”. And he already wanted to arrange to see me again so I guess this should be enough confirmation that he is interested.
As far as I know he does text quite a lot, I get the feeling he’s purposefully pacing himself with the texting. Either way, I guess I just have to wait. The issue is we’re going away for Christmas for 3 weeks, so we definitely won’t be able to meet up anytime soon. If I don’t hear anything from him for the weeks we don’t meet up though, I’d probably assume he isn’t that interested and move on.

@Copa .. definitely no point complicating things with this guy.. he seems difficult enough even as a friend.

The guy who I was so excited about seems so disinterested to the point that I wonder why he asked me out in the first place. We went for dinner one more time and it was better than the first time, but it didn’t feel like a date at all. He messages me regularly and talks about himself 95% of the time and doesn’t bother to even ask me a single question. I’m always interested to know about other people’s lives, but I would think if someone is interested in you he would at least bother to show some interest in your life too. Not to mention he isn’t suggesting anything about meeting up again. Thankfully we had only met twice before he asked me out, so I wouldn’t mind having him as a friend, he’s a cool guy.
The other guy who wanted to buy me dinner the next time I go to his city but didn’t bother to talk to me at all after this: huge surprise, cancelled the dinner while I was on my way to the city (just the day before he had confirmed again that we’re going on a date).
I guess the lesson I am taking from this is not to accept “dates” from men who don’t show enough interest in the first place. Although that first guy did ask me about the type of music I like etc, but with time I realised he really is only looking for a new friend to listen to him (as he is new to the city). Which as I said I don’t mind, I love spending time with new people. It’s just frustrating the whole process..

Up until recently I thought I was staying on top of this whole dating thing (resilience is my second name by now) but lately it genuinely is starting to get depressing.. Hence my rambling about it over here, as well as to my closest friends who are probably getting sick of it by now. :/ To make it worse all of my friends are getting coupled up (including the “I don’t need a man because relationship are total bullshit and aren’t for me” friends.. also got in relationships) so of course I don’t get to see them nearly as much anymore.

Okay I am done rambling. Thanks to anyone who read my depressing essay lol 😉
Good luck to everyone.. looking forward to reading more stories 🙂 even if I don’t reply always ..

I just had my first normal date in a really long time, I’m excited ^_^ (At least I hope it was a date ?!) I can finally contribute something positive to this thread 😀
We went to have beer in a pub, played pool, then went to another pub with the idea to have food but they had stopped serving food so we just had another beer. He was saying how he has to go in like 10 minutes because he has stuff to prepare for next day. Instead, when we left the pub, he said he will walk with me in my direction to explore the city.. (he’s new to the city and he lives less than 5 mins away from the place, I live 20 mins away in opposite direction). So we ended up having a very very late and very unhealthy treat at an ice cream shop just round the corner from where I live. So he ended up walking me home and coming home like 1.5 hours later than he intended (this is a good sign yes?)
Apart from the fact it was our first time going out, it wasn’t too different to when two friends go out to hang out. I mean nothing really happened physically at all which worries me a bit.
We’re both going to a social event tomorrow so I’ll see him then too. I guess I just have to wait to see if he suggests we go out again.

@MissDre thank you so much for advice! I know that he definitely texts regularly most people and I can’t tell if he’s making some attempt to “play it cool” or he doesn’t give two cents about me.
It’s just that when I have observed any of my male friends, when they’ve been interested in a girl they seem to enjoy “chasing” her and texting/messaging is the most fun part for them – that’s when they genuinely are interested in the girl, even if they’ve met her once in their lives. And that’s people my age (mid twenties). hm I guess I’ll follow my instinct which so far says No! But giving my track record on dates in the past couple of years, I can’t say I fully trust my intuition!

Regarding your question: somehow in my case these past relationship talks have always happened very naturally, even with male friends or guys I haven’t been dating (yet). I’m talking about past relationships though, not number of sexual encounters, I think for many people this is quite different. Personally I don’t think I would bring it up on a first date, if the guy doesn’t mention himself. I would wait to the point you start sharing some more personal information about yourselves, when you think he would feel comfortable talking about this. Because if he hasn’t brought it up naturally, he probably isn’t that happy to talk about it very soon (or doesn’t think it’s important).

PS I am horrified giving advice on this thread, my dating expertise hasn’t proven amazing lately so I’m afraid I’ll give someone some stupid advice!

I feel the same as MissDre. I don’t find that connection with many guys, so friends keep telling me I’m too picky and should be more open minded. But when I am open minded and go out with guys I normally wouldn’t, and then complain about them, people tell me I have to aim higher and “wait for the right person”..

Last week I went to a near-by city with some friends where we had an amazing weekend! I was introduced to a guy who is very good friends with one of my best friends (I think he had been hoping to set us up for a while). Luck has it, that same evening we arrived he reconnected with an old female classmate of his, who is an absolutely gorgeous, cute, kind, funny, down to earth girl. Who also lives in the same city as him and actually close to his neighbourhood too. He was definitely trying to get a date with her. I swear I am the living breathing definition of “bad luck”.

When we were leaving the city the last day, however, the guy got my phone number and suggested he buys me dinner next time I come to visit his city (which is in a couple of weeks, I go there quite often). I agreed to it and I was pretty excited, because he’s one of the few decent-seeming, level-headed, non-creepy guys I had met in a while. And our cities are like an hour away.

Well since then, there has been no indication that he wants to see me at all anymore. I messaged him last night to ask him something and you can tell he isn’t interested in holding any conversation with me, so I just stopped trying to talk to him. For example I asked him a question, I saw he started immediately typing something long. After 15 minutes he gave me a single-word reply. And that’s it.

I now realise I was a back-up in case things with the other girl he reconnected with don’t work out. And yes you don’t want to be a back-up. But it’s still sort of sh*tty to arrange a dinner with me when obviously he wasn’t even interested at all, but hey.
I love the dating world so much!! 😉