FireStar
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I think you just need to focus on your relationship with the girl. You are her grandmother. Whatever your son decides to do or not, take yourself out if it. You are too caught up in his relationship with the girl. Truly? Not your business. Just be supportive whatever he decides. Keep your opinion to yourself and be grateful for your grandchild.
As I think Carolyn has so eloquently proven, having children does not put you on the path of good and righteousness. Children cannot save their parents from crime or drugs or suicide. They can, however, bear witness to those things and suffer the damage because of them. Damage that can last a lifetime. I get the sense tiffinay would have mentioned anything negative about the mother if she had that info. So let’s not make things up. All we know is she is the mother and kept her child out of the lives of this family, that has been plagued with drugs and crime.
Listen OP, Either accept this grandchild as a gift and start building a relationship with her or leave those people alone. You dont know what the father was told about this child. If your sons slept with her and she turns up pregnant I can think of a question or two they should have been asking if they were oh so interested in fatherhood. The resentment you feel at the mother is misplaced. She is not to blame for your son’s suicide or your other son’s life of crime. Get help to see that.
He took a test that tested for relatedness of an uncle. The results came back 99.99% relatedness. He is the uncle.
The mother says the dates don’t line up for paternity. Your son was also there. He should know if the dates match up. Everyone seems to be in agreement this child is his niece.
This is your grandchild. That is all you need to know.
How did you know the empty bags were cocaine? Forgive my ignorance, but is there some way of telling what was it them previously just by sight? Did finding the bags correspond with any behaviour change in him? Couldn’t you tell he was on drugs before?
Go speak with a lawyer. He can say whatever he wants to his people. You can say whatever you want to yours. The truth is the truth no matter how inconvenient to either of you. What is important is that no one say anything to your child or around your child. That your child is safe and cared for. So focus on that for now. I’m sorry he blew up your world. But now your job is to protect your kid and build the best life possible for the two of you.
There is no such thing as “unofficially over”. That’s just cheating. This isn’t the case where you try and work through infidelity. You are 21. This is when you walk away, block him and thank your lucky stars he showed you who he is now instead of 5 years from now. This isn’t a good man. You have a bright future ahead of you. Don’t diminish yourself by staying with someone who will cheat on you for the rest of your lives together.
If a woman doesn’t carry her weight while dating, then she’s wrong for it too. There is no double standard. Everyone is supposed to behave decently.
Essie is right. You are mourning the death of a dream. What could have been… not what actually was. Because what did you actually lose? Someone happy to use you and who was just along for the ride. Someone who didn’t see a future with you. Sad for him the gravy train is over. I’m sure he is upset by it.
And the best friend and mom calling? Not cute. Not sweet. Manipulative. You were not serious enough to discuss Easter but he has his people call you? Over a relationship of a year? That alone should make you run.
Completely agree. I’ve had strangers come up to me on the street and ask if they could take me on a date. I say no thank you to them – they are legitimately asking something. Everyone else you just ignore like they don’t exist.
I have never read anything that screamed “living in my mother’s basement” more.
And are neverborn children a thing? Technically don’t we all have them? I have the one sleeping beside me…. But don’t I also have like 50 neverborn ones?
Is it just restricted to children? Can I be a nevercooking chef? Or a never flying pilot? I feel there is a whole world that has opened up to me of things I’m incapable of doing that I can blame others for.
Maybe one of these people? Maybe one dresses up as a cop and looks askance at screen shots for fun?
So worth reading all the way through. Bless her heart. You all are so much nicer than I am in the face of unapologetic stupidity.
I agree with Bethany – it is odd to use your full name in a social situation – it usually comes up when strangers are calling you Mrs. Something …. for the people that ask outright they shouldn’t be offended by an answer to their question. I’ve never had any grief over keeping my name.
