Heatherly
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Sorry, but if something bothers you in a relationship then how can it be solved if you never talk about it?!! No man or woman is a mind reader. You need to advocate for your self.
Now are you paying 50/50 for stuff or 100% for meals etc? As you aren’t clear in what is actually happening. If after you actually talk to him about how you would like him to pay for stuff some times, and if it doesn’t stick, then move on. Especially if he doesn’t make you happy.
But I think you might want to move on anyway & learn to advocate for yourself. Speaking up in a clear and non combative way is a very important skill. Do you also have self esteem issues? Perhaps time to be single and go to counseling to gain insight in yourself and ways to be confident.
Ohh @Ale. Then maybe time to make your own traditions? What do you love doing? How do you like spoiling yourself? Is it getting the best champagne, getting in a bubble bath? Or perhaps volunteer to help a homeless charity etc so you’re doing good but also not alone? Personally my thing is …Baileys & all the good canapes you can find, watching Annie/Wizard of Oz/ It’s a Wonderful Life/Muppet Christmas Carol. Oh singing every single Christmas song I can YouTube out loud & tunelessly.
And before I hit the Baileys I take a walk or drive to see all the houses that have good/cheesy light displays as it makes me happy & feel like a child. I do have my boyfriend now but we can’t spend actual Christmas day together but do the meal etc a few days later. So I’m continuing my own traditions.
Do you all watch Yes to the Dress? I adore that programme. But when or if it comes to that time I’m going go to local dept store or charity shop/internet and see what I can find for less then 500. But I do intend to go try on a few normal dresses, but just for fun. You wear it for less then 8 hours so for me, I wouldn’t want to spend thousands.
Ohh wedding planning…oh. Good luck, @TheHizzy.
Go @Copa.
I liked that what is love. I came across this & it made me laugh. https://youtu.be/LIrQbMXBHsM
@TheLadyE, I used Matthew Hussey as my guide through dating & I also used Evan Marc Katz’s blog occasionally. I like them both but Matthew more as he helped me with texting the right thing + I find his videos funny ( see his satire of 50 Shades of Grey for instance) but on point. I feel making you laugh whilst being told were to improve is a good way to go. Also I have had a good partner now so all hail to good dating advice.
Ohh jealous of Kenya, otherwise known as Hawaii. 😉 Enjoy, @TheHizzy.
Divorce isn’t us saying : whoppie, best thing that could happen! It was us telling you that based on your “dealbreaker” versus human nature( amplified by addiction), then rationally it’s the best choice. Divorce is the most honest and frankly short sharp pain way to go. & then you find a partner who is a better match. Your 3 options aren’t going to work for you. The only one it sort of works for is your husband. But I get the urge to try. I still urge counseling and Al anon for you. Please don’t bring children it to this, though. Good luck.
@Fydor could be right. I really had to re-examine what I wanted.
My criteria for men was:
1) A good person. Not just in words but actually showing me their morality. Good to waitress etc, considerate behaviour to me and others. Spoke highly of his family/friends.
2) When I french kissed him after the first date ( I didn’t kiss men who I wasn’t at least willing to go on a second date with), that I enjoyed it. It honestly saved me a lot of time in terms of compatibility. ( Millionaire Matchmaker tip. Only one I did strictly obey; as I certainly wasn’t doing hair extensions or killer high heels or actually looking for a millionaire.)
3) Had the same politics as me. Liberal.
4) Wanted the same type of relationship. Kids, marriage & loyalty. Talk around the subject if don’t want to lay it on thick, an example is by talking of friends who are getting married and how you admire their relationship… Though I personally, just said with the right man I wanted to settle down and have a kid, but that’s me on the 4rd date.
5) Had a compatible sense of humour.
6) Had a good steady job and seemed to enjoy it and/or had ambitions to improve it.
7) Raised no Red Flags.
8) Comparable hobbies/interests. Didn’t need to interested in everything he did & vice versa, but we need to be able to happily join in sometimes and not frown at the other person’s hobby.
I also decided not to care about looks. By that I mean as long as they looked average or above & didn’t repulse me, and they gave good chat to get on a date with me in the first place, then… I did have a particular type too, before. But that hadn’t done me much good, so why limit myself by that?!
Hi @Copa.I’m partnered up for two years now but in order to meet him, I spent a year & 8 months doing internet dating. I did take a months break in that time too. I met 43 men( not including boyfriend) , talked/texted & messaged back forth on app- probably about a hundred men. Of the 43 men; 1 made to 5 dates, 1 made to 3 dates( and a friendship instead), 2 made to 2 dates, & the rest were just one dates but almost all made for interesting stories for myself & friends. I’m not including a round of speed dating which probably adds on another 12 men.
My guides through it all was Matthew Hussey videos & his book, don’t laugh- actually laugh away- Millionaire Matchmaker shows & having a Spidey sense of when a guy was bullshitting me( based on having had bad relationships in the past & having had therapy to recognize things I’d run towards before in men).
Hope tonight’s date goes well.
Oh a relative told me, on a first date men will monologue at you at one point in the date. She proved to be right. It’s an very good introduction to who he is. Listen carefully, it’ll tell you both the good and bad. Also see how he treats waitresses/servers etc. If it’s badly, then run as he’ll treat you like that soon.
Yes, we get that. That’s why meetup.com is good.
