keyblade

She went out with what she thought was a group of friends who she stayed with until she went to her own home. She drank too much with her friends who were traveling with her, buying, and drinking along side of her.

Because she got so inebriated, she can’t trust her own account. I think her former friend was very intentional in waiting until her defenses were down. Thank goodness he didn’t choose to rape her.

“I told him that I feel that he took advantage of me, and he told me that I’d said that the night before too, indicating that he just did not care. I then told him that I thought that we shouldn’t be friends anymore, and all he responded with was ‘ok’

LW, He was cognizant enough to remember you black-out drunk telling him you felt he was taking advantage of you. It’s difficult to admit to a group that you drank to excess (to the point you had trouble piecing together what happened). But the amount you imbibed didn’t result in YOU driving drunk, hurting someone, stealing, cheating, or otherwise behaving in a way that hurt others, their property, or their home. This guy isn’t trustworthy and I’m sorry you feel disgusted and violated.

You can think about the consequences of excessive drinking in terms of self-care and personal security and comfort in the future but this person behaved like an asshole.

You can’t control what he says or does but you can tell mutual acquaintances about his overtures and how shitty it made you feel the next day. You can’t control how other people react but you are perfectly justified in insisting that your mutual friends respect that you don’t like him, you felt violated, and he’s not allowed to come around you, anymore.

Or if a California King wouldn’t help keep them on their side, perhaps a split bed/sleep number/ or two bed combo might do the trick? Could the physical partitioning of the mattresses keep the dog and master on their side?

I don’t think you are an asshole, but I think his actions (except for the awful Instagram ordeal) aren’t actually that bad.

You are mad he didn’t prioritize your feelings when you felt vulnerable. It would have been much better for him to realize he couldn’t continue to be a close, personal confidant for you, to say so, and for him to move on.

On the other hand, he’s been testing the waters for awhile now. He told you directly he could not be involved in whether you broke up with your boyfriend because of his own romantic feelings. You snapped at him for changing the dynamics but really what should he have done? Pretend that he was comfortable being your ear/support/bff? I’m not excusing his choices to feeling-vomit all over you when you have explicitly told him you are not interested. But in a way, I do think you were a hair away from melodrama in your follow-up letter:

“Were you ever really my friend? Or were you just stringing me along hoping that I owed you a relationship if you were nice enough to me? Sorry, but people who love each other are supposed to put each other first. You definitely did NOT do that. No matter what you say or how you try to justify it, that is simply not what went down. You betrayed me, Nathan…..”

You’ve known each other since you were twelve. He has romantic feelings which you don’t reciprocate. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to “love” you enough to fake being your friend. He didn’t have to pursue you during the end and it doesn’t come off as particularly attuned to you. But there are worse infractions in the world than him being sure of himself before moving on from a friendship he was no longer going to be satisfied with. At least now you know he’s not best guy friend material anymore. Yes, he chose an uncomfortable path of trying to nurse a delusional hope that you were secretly pining for him in a way you couldn’t acknowledge while coupled with someone else. Of course this especially sucked for you given that you’ve also just lost your romantic partner in the same time interval. You can feel angry about it but I think it might be unrealistic to expect him to know what to do or how to react any better. Unfortunately, he has opted to cut an emotional tooth here. But that is neither here nor there for you. It’s time to move forward.

@JD- Good luck with the goods.

This is so interesting. It’s extraordinary that medical science has advanced to having the first successful uterus transplant and lasting pregnancy. But there is such a gap between capability and accessibility.

I’m just a speculative dope, but this link was so interesting:

https://leapsmag.com/top-fertility-doctor-artificially-created-sperm-and-eggs-will-become-normal-one-day/

@JD- We talked about “trying” for a girl for our second. We even looked into how much it cost to have sperm separated out. I read a little about the Shettle method. In the end, I felt weirded out by the idea of actively trying to prevent a boy. Our other child was just about two when we decided to “pull the trigger” so to speak, and I loved him so much it felt weird to actively avoid having another one even though we both knew two would likely be our ABSOLUTE max. There is something appealing about having the experience of raising a child of a different gender. As it turned out my second was far more feminine and may actually be a girl. She is as unique and remarkable as her brother and is a beautiful person inside and out.

It found a home among children who came of age after the simpsons but before Youtube and Netflix and every kid had a smart-pad/phone/chrome-book.

Try to remember that other people don’t know whether you are what they believe to be a good person.