Lyra
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If you look back, no one called you stupid in here. Ever.
Sarah, any therapist who is actually really good will know how to ask the right questions and will know how to help you sort through your thoughts. Like I said, this is a common thing so the fact that she had no idea how to respond to something that is fairly obvious tells me that it is probably time to find someone else who WILL be able to help you. At the crazy rates they charge, you need someone who will dig deep and get to the root of the problems.
(This is serious advice.) I would look into a different therapist then. I’m sure therapists come across this kind of thing quite often — people having crushes on bosses, teachers, professors, whatever. I think it’s a pretty common thing actually. Not everyone vocalizes it or acts on it or whatever, but everyone has had that one hot teacher or hot boss. It raises my eyebrows that she didn’t know what to say ESPECIALLY since he’s married and off limits.
I can see how what I said above might have come off that way but I’m seriously not trying to be mean here. He’s unobtainable and that’s all you really need to know. Like I said, go on dates with other guys to get your mind off of him if you need to. Flirt like crazy. Start a new project or whatever. As long as that thought of “well, sometimes people leave others to be with someone unexpected”, is on your mind, you won’t be able to move on from this.
I know you’re trying, but you really just have to stay busy. Any time you catch yourself thinking about him, read a book or go study or work out or something. Flirt with guys your own age (I’m assuming you’re younger?), go on dates, kiss a lot of guys. You HAVE to treat this like he is unobtainable…because he is. The fact that you say “you know no one knows what could happen in the future” tells me that you still think there might be a slim chance. In order to quash that feeling completely, go on lots of dates, stay busy, everything I mentioned above.
You need to get him out of your head, like yesterday. Nothing can happen. Nothing will happen. You need to get him out of your fantasies. Since you say he’s still in your head, that tells me you’re not trying hard enough to get him out of there. Focus on school, focus on a new hobby, whatever it takes. There’s no way you will be with him, so don’t waste your time.
One of my best friends from college took her husband’s last name, but used her maiden name as her middle name. He did the same so they both were changing their names instead of just her. I really liked that her husband was willing to do that as a display of equality.
My ex and I talked about marriage extensively and he was very clear as to the fact that he wanted his future wife to take his last name. I was totally fine with that until a couple months ago when I realized that I really don’t want to change my name. My name is unique and it’s me. I’m not a bra burning feminist by any means, but I just don’t think I will want to change it when the time comes.
