muchachaenlaventana
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@TheLadyE I am so happy you spoke up, you guys better kiss on your hike!
@Ktfran it sucks he hurt your feelings, but actually probably ended up good as you were able to have a productive conversation about it.I know I have a boyfriend but I just need to vent for a bit. My boyfriend is right now and has been for the month of October involved in this super intensive art project and I have barely seen him. He makes time for me on the weekends and I know I am being greedy and trying to be reasonable, but I do feel neglected. I know this is the price of admission for dating my boyfriend, and I support him and am super stoked on his project and know too its only temporary but right now it just kind of sucks. I just feel really distant from him and I hate that. ugh anyways. I just had to vent for a second.
lol@ Lianne we actually broke up four months after we first started dating, in large part because of issues surrounding that. When we got back together 4-5 months later, the issue had completely gone away because I had learned how to manage and get rid of that insecurity and he had met me somewhere in the middle as far as communication went.
@Ver– ignore if I am wrong but it seems like you just want to talk to talk to make sure he is still interested, to convince yourself he likes you and to have that validation. I think instead of that, it would be good to just remind yourself when you are having doubts, instead of reaching out for that validation, just a mantra like- I am awesome, we are in to each other, and I need to stop stressing it. I agree that forcing communication when there isn’t much to say will probably backfire and it leads to those awkward and unfulfilling phone convos where there isn’t much to say and its like dead space and you get off the line thinking, shit does he even like me anymore, what is going on. I had a lot of trouble with this early on in my relationship with my boyfriend, like if he wasn’t in contact with me it meant he didn’t like me and wasn’t thinking of me. It was actually a major insecurity of my own I kind of had to own and now I just know even if we aren’t in contact, he is still thinking of me and loves the shit out of me. I am not saying its the same for you, but maybe there is some of that in there.
Also at this point, after about 4 dates with someone, I don’t think constant communication or frequent texting/phone calls really are the norm. I do know this varies by person but even my best friend who met her boyfriend and they lived two hours apart, after their first four dates, there was minimal communication in between. Some texting and a few phone calls. It wasn’t until they were “official” that it kicked in to high gear– and honestly I have never seen two people more in love, they are actually about to get engaged and have been long distance the whole 2.5+ years of their relationship.
Ha I love love love shower/bath beer/wine/bourbon. Something so relaxing about it.
@Kare– I am with Lianne, I can’t see much of a difference between actually dating this guy and what you are doing, which sounds more dating than FWB. Are you open to actually dating him? I always thought of FWB as more like late night hook ups when drunk/horny than hanging out and getting dinner and doing the friends thing. Not a critique at all, just wondering because I am nosy and have been in a relationship for three years ha and when me and my boyfriend started as solely FWB that is what it was, like drunk sexting/hooking up/when we were horny hooking up late night and when we progressed to dating dating is when we started to hang out/get dinner/go out around each other’s friends.
hm, if I guy told me I looked innocent I would probably be squicked out. That is a really fucking weird and infantile way to describe someone, but maybe I am just sensitive.
yay LadyE!!!! Have fun 🙂
@money that is awesome!! Congrats on the sex and the talking 🙂 also cheese and salmon, because delish. As far as the not as touchy feely, I wouldn’t take that as a sign of disinterest on date two, maybe he just isn’t’ comfortable being that overt with you since you are still in very early stages! I would pay more attention to his actions and whether they are backing up whatever he is telling you. ie- if he says he wants to hangout again, does he actually make steps to make that happen or whatever it is!
@sas yes my current boyfriend is the only one who has ever called me on my mood shifts and it does help because a) I do it less frequently and b) I notice when I am doing it and try to prevent that and we can communicate about why so things don’t fester.
Yup! Agree with the others. 🙂
Yeah, many asexual people have sex sporadically or even often at first in newer relationships before it tapers off, so that doesn’t necessarily indicate he is not asexual. Also if he is asexual, it isn’t a big deal in general but probably will be to the Lady E– that said, it has only been 3 months, the Lady E is comfortablish in this situation, and happy, and knows she needs to address it sooner than later. I do hope he makes a move soon so you don’t have to address it @the lady e, but even if he doesn’t, the way he responds to that conversation will tell you about as much about him as the prior three months have. Either way, good luck and enjoy this now! I would go in to the talk hopeful and confident, not scared or nervous (if that is possible).
Yeah. I agree with all of the above— not to pile on, but it seems like a pattern you have. I do recall that you come from a very conservative Christian upbringing and I wonder if there was some sex negativity involved that you see these things as normal and maybe put up with them longer than you should, leading you to not being able or open to having other fulfilling relationships? I want for you to feel desired and wanted on a level beyond just emotional intimacy and just from this brief snippet it doesn’t sound as if you have experienced that. If you have never listened to Dan Savage I would 100% recommend listening to his back history of podcasts.
As far as hippie guy– I agree you need to have an honest conversation with him. At this point, you guys spending all this time together and seeing one another so frequently and in a lot of ways “dating” it shouldn’t be a hard thing, nor should it push him away. In fact, the way he responds to this will show you a lot about him and whether you want to continue down the path of dating with him. I know it has been awhile since you had this type of connection and you are afraid of scaring him away or shaking the status quo, but how long are you willing to keep this up just snuggling, hugging, and being his girlfriend except not. Maybe you aren’t as confused as all of us nosy busybodies and of course you know what is best for you and what makes you happiest and I hope you continue to pursue that, but this just seems very out of the norm.
