NewLife1234
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Dear Julie:
“We all criticize each other’s advice”- what a shame. People don’t need more criticism- it does not promote mental health. Makes good entertainment, sometimes, but it is not helpful or healthy. I like the concept of EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect.
What you, Julie, are offering here is aggression. And because you are a moderator here, supported by the website owner, you do have the authority to practice and promote aggression. Therefore, I exit this website and will not be logging in again.
anita
Dear Kate:
Thank you for your quick reply and the link. I read it. It doesn’t state that your (volunteer) job is to comment on others’ advice. I figure this is something you choose to do and maybe other members on the site do so as well, in the direct way that you have (I am new here). Am I correct?
And if I understood correctly, does it mean that you are okay with other members pointing to your advice as not a good advice and telling the original poster to not follow your advice?
anita
* Dear Kate:
I would like to understand: in your profile it reads that your role in this website is “keymaster”- I don’t know what it means. Does it mean that it is your job to evaluate others’ advice and report your evaluation to the original poster, as you have done regarding my advice here?I am asking this question for no other reason than to find out if indeed this is your role or job, if you are here in the position of authority in this regard.
anitaDear hhans:
She has been giving you conflicting messages, so you re confused, that is understandable. Either she has not been clear herself about what she wants (she told you that she never knows what she wants, correct, don’t remember the exact words she used), or at any one time, she was clear but wasn’t honest with you.
People are not honest with others for all kinds of reasons. One is being afraid to say no, to bring about the anger of the one they reject.
You, not knowing, make assumptions: maybe she thinks you are in love with her and that turned her off. So you try to appear cool. A few people told you tou to behave this or that way so to bring about her interest in you, suggesting that is, that you act manipulatively, dishonestly.
I suggest that you aim at getting honest information from her. Ask her what you need to know in such a way that will increase the chances that she will answer honestly. Let her know in your tone of voice and words you choose, that she is safe telling you her truth.
And be truthful with her. Who knows, maybe that will be so refreshing to her, so unusual in her experience, that she will become very interested in you, feeling closer to you. Maybe not, and then you can move on and choose a woman who will be honest with you. It will be nice to not be confused, to not guess, to not assume. And to not pretend.
anita
