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I remember reading somewhere that fewer than 10 states have a gender-neutral process for changing a name after marriage, and in all other states you have to go through the regular name change process. And even in California there was a court case about it and it was only changed very recently, like last 5 years.
Yeah, it is creepy. Plus from that response about the ex-husband, it sounds like the issue might be about having an ex-husband at all rather than the name.
I haven’t done that myself, but I think it can’t hurt. I think if I were dating, I wouldn’t necessarily make a vision board, but I’d at least try a list like MissDre. In therapy, I found that the act of writing things down solidified it in my mind more and helped me be more positive, so there’s that.
@Janelle or if you’re against those traditions, you don’t, and loving family members will be supportive. And the world keeps spinning.
My very Catholic in-laws found a way to be supportive of me and my husband’s marriage even though we didn’t get married in a church/by a priest. At one point my MIL said (very hyperbolically) that she’d be at our wedding even if we got married at a Starbucks.
Get thee to counseling (either as a couple or by yourself) ASAP. Berating you for not healing far enough after a major medical event, complaining to your friends about your depression, the lack of support before, during, and after pregnancy, and now letting his mom steamroll over your marriage? These are not small problems, and they’re only going to get worse with time unless you actually address them.
Counseling, now.
Your past experience with therapy actually makes me more concerned – why did you stop going to counseling if nothing changed? Therapy isn’t about going through the motions, which is what it sounds like he did. When you look for a new marriage counselor, make sure it’s one that’ll actually hold you and your husband accountable.
I also agree with FannyPrice, don’t leave your MIL alone with the baby! That’s how my friend got secretly baptized as a kid…
Wow. It sounds like your husband is trying to play both sides so that he’s the good guy, and guilt you into something you are not at all comfortable with. You’ve been very upfront about your feelings on this, and you’re sick, and your husband put this off forever anyway (sounds super important to him too…). Honestly, I think you need to sit him down and remind him clearly of you stance on this, that nothing on your end has changed, and he’s got to figure out how to deal with his mom without making you the scapegoat. And if he doesn’t change his tune, I second counseling, this sounds like a much bigger issue on communication. Also, if it were me, I would stop taking the MIL’s calls until he figures this out.
If my husband pulled this shit, I’d be pissed.
Goodness! I say this as someone whose hobby is art and I love giving it to family and friends – 20 pieces of art??? Are you kidding me? If your husband’s art is good, why doesn’t he sell them at craft fairs? Then he can find people that will appreciate it and everyone wins.
Your DIL has tried to redirect your gift giving, but you don’t listen. So your son clearly hammered home the point, yet you still don’t get it and continue to place all responsibility on your DIL. It’s not about your DIL being honest, it’s about you not listening. Please listen to what they’re saying and stop giving them art.
“Even if the parent has a good game face, something crucial will always be missing from the relationship and the child will always sense it.”
When I was growing up, my oldest friend and her sister had a very tumultuous relationship with their mom and I never quite understood it. At one point I heard that she told the younger sister she’d never wanted her, so I thought part of it was having too many kids. I found out recently that their mom didn’t want kids at all but the dad did. She had quit her job and become a stay at home mom, too, which sounds like a terrible way to approach the situation. Both daughters seriously rebelled, and I’m not talking a little bit – one ended up getting in trouble with the law and finished high school in an alternative way. There isn’t a clear line between a parent who didn’t want to be a parent and this behavior, but it’s hard for me to see no relationship.
In the last maybe 5 or so years, it’s seemed like their relationships have improved and it looks to me like they relate better as adults, but it was painful to see all that growing up.
This has been really interesting to read through, as someone who goes between sitting on the fence and deciding to be child free. I’m nowhere near an answer, but I think part of leaning toward child free is the lack to freedom, especially travel.
As far as nannies go, me and my husband were both raised by nannies. My family was middle to upper middle class, his was on the upper class edge of upper middle class. They were all invaluable to the rest of homemaking. I do know people who have nannies because the cost of daycare for the number of kids they have is more expensive than a nanny. I’m not sure which I’d go for, but I think both the cost difference and amount of socialization would play into that decision.
Tickets to Europe have been cheap for almost a year now. We went to Paris last year for like $600 each and bought tickets last June, it was great!
Congrats on the job, Ver!
These dates/trips/foster dogs all sound great, everyone!
I’m also not a big Valentine’s Day person. So Galentine’s Day this year, me and a friend are going to a free reception at a nearby conference – I’m hoping for wine and yummy appetizers. Husband will be home studying, so maybe I’ll bring him chocolate or something…
