Portia
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
First, LW, get a new therapist. You need a therapist that you can be totally open with and for whatever reason you feel like you can’t. Even if what the therapist said made sense to anyone else, it didn’t to you and you don’t feel like you can question that. None of us can say what exactly is feeding your feeling of insecurity, you need someone who can draw these internal issues out of you and give you the tools to deal with it without it imploding your life.
Second, please for the love of all that is good don’t throw this on her while she’s pregnant! There’s no perfect time to bring this up, but bringing it up in this extremely vulnerable time for her would be cruel. Feel your feelings, talk to a shrink, figure out what’s at the root of this, but don’t lay this on her, especially when you don’t know what exactly is driving these feelings.
For our wedding, we sent out thank you notes to everyone who attended and/or gave a gift. I was rolling in thank you cards and we had a relatively modest-sized crowd, I can’t imagine how it must be for weddings with hundreds of guests.
But I’m a big fan of thank you notes and I send out thank you cards with all gifts, even with some cards, depending on the circumstances. Sad story, but I did not like one relative at all and basically refused to see him from a young age, so my only interaction with him was him sending a check for birthdays/holidays and me sending him a thank you card.
Yeah, sounds like just not compatible in what you want out of life. Nothing earth shattering, but pretty much means MOA.
For what it’s worth, the bf’s life sounds great and fulfilling to me. Spend a little time in the FIRE community (financial independence & retire early) and it sounds a lot like their type of lifestyle, or what they’re working towards.
I’m certainly on the more wholesome side, but as far as I know, my friends/acquaintances don’t do cocaine (doesn’t mean they don’t do it, but if they do, I don’t know about it). On the other hand, pot use is pretty much all around and was the drug of choice in my high school.
Yeah, I think Pi Day is March 14. I think that Pie Day can be any day, though – I’m very supportive of pies.
I hope all your dates went/will go well!
But Ver, be careful at the trampoline place! A friend of mine broke something in her leg at one of those places and has had two surgeries because of it. She could barely walk down the aisle at her own wedding this past fall.
I mean, I wrote in to the forums and got piled on. I’m a woman and it wasn’t about pregnancy or a super controversial topic. It’s not like I was a new commenter at the time or anything, it just happens. Anecdote isn’t data, but it’s certainly not just men or not just newcomers.
(This is a general comment, not about this thread in particular) I do think that there tends to be more piling on when it’s someone (anywhere on the gender spectrum really) who writes in and pretty much just wants to be told they’re right or have others back up their view. So many times I’ve seen the LW get defensive and fight back at whatever they don’t want to hear regardless of tone and that’s when the pile-on really starts. If the LW writes in and demonstrates that they’re open to ideas, it seems to me that it goes better regardless of topic.
It also sounds like you have a fear of missing out (the kids call it FOMO). Might be worthwhile to listen to this podcast episode from Note to Self about FOMO – the guest actually talks about a situation about the birth of his child as an example where he was going to miss out on something else and how he reframed it afterwards.
The episode is called “Go Ahead. Miss Out..”
https://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/audio.wnyc.org/notetoself/notetoself122816_cms694850_pod.mp3
I was in a situation similar to this, except I was marrying the younger brother, and it was his older sister who was pregnant and due a week or so before our wedding. She was willing to move mountains to be there, but we told her the best present would be a happy, healthy niece or nephew. If it had been the older brother, our answer would have been the same. Stay with your wife, you don’t know what could happen.
We took a video of the ceremony for her and we all watched it together a few months later, it was great reliving everything with her. And I’ve been to weddings where they FaceTimed people into the reception. There are tech options out there.
@kare, awesome, I was there in June and it was fun. And agreed, ridiculously attractive people everywhere. I heard that because the population is so small and interconnected in Iceland, there’s a dating app for Icelanders that also figures out whether/how closely you’re related. When I was there, the most popular spot was this ice cream place called Valdís. That whole area was cool – it’s a bunch of converted warehouses, so kinda hipster.
I’ve also been watching all the great Northern Lights pictures coming out of Iceland recently – any chance you’re gonna see those? They’re on my bucket list.
Oh good, I’ve got just over a month until mine. Saying it’s going to be the 11th anniversary of our first date makes me feel old.
Oof, that sounds exhausting, Copa! Yeah, you probably shouldn’t marry someone if you can’t figure out by then how to communicate well, but you also shouldn’t marry someone if you’re inherently mismatched. I also know some people like that and it isn’t pretty… But they also seem to be people who claim to have good communication when it’s really that they aren’t bottling things up.
