Ruby Tuesday
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Ted Bundy fathered a child while on death row. Your son should not be proud to be a father until he actually steps up and becomes one. Your sons were just sperm donors.
I LOVE LOCKUP
Public records are meant to be accessible to the public. LW has every right to search those records to ensure her children are safe with a new caregiver. That’s not the point.
If LW is legitimately concerned for the coach’s safety because she found this information on her boyfriend, then she should speak privately with the coach to share those concerns. But sending an anonymous letter to avoid having a difficult conversation and feeling uncomfortable is a cowardly and immature way to solve her discomfort.
If you think Anon and Northern’s responses are disparaging, you either need to grow up or look up disparaging in a dictionary. You may think you come off as well-intentioned, but that does not mean everyone else feels the same way about the series of choices you and your husband made and your continued defense of your behavior. The fact that all this information is public is irrelevant. I’m an attorney; I know how easy it is to find public government records. That doesn’t make it less invasive to search those records without being prepared for what you might find. If I search public records, I assume the risk that I might find something awkward, unsettling, or downright concerning. You and your husband accessed that public information, so act like an adult and be honest with the coach if you are so concerned she doesn’t know. Instead, the only possible plan you came up with was sending an anonymous letter with life-changing information to someone you barely know. You are so concerned that this coach doesn’t know about her boyfriend’s felony domestic abuse record, but you aren’t concerned enough to tell her in person. You are the only person to benefit from an anonymous letter, free of the guilt you feel and protected from any fallout or conflict with the coach.
Anon is right. If you thought it was totally fine and normal, why won’t you just tell her what you found online?
It’s not a stretch to think about asking the coach. It is a stretch to preemptively investigate people you are thinking about asking. Employers do not perform a background check until the candidate accepts a job. All you had to do here was ask the coach if she was interested in the gig. Instead, you got ahead of yourself and now you want to know if it’s okay to send her an anonymous letter because you don’t know how to bring up your concerns without looking like a total creep.
I can’t speak for others, but I do understand the difference between an official background check and your internet investigation. I personally chose the words “preemptive background check” because “my husband and I searched the name of our child’s coach’s boyfriend because we were thinking about asking her to babysit our kids” is a longer explanation than I am willing to type. I am also unclear how your explanation is any different than my overall point. Those families expressly consent to your partner driving their children. But considering you hadn’t even asked the coach whether she would be interested in a babysitting gig when you searched both names, I don’t understand why you felt it was appropriate to include her boyfriend in the initial search. If you did in fact ask and she declined, you are still stuck with this knowledge that you didn’t need to look up in the first place.
I don’t understand why you felt it necessary to include her boyfriend in your preemptive background of the coach. I babysit my friends’ children on a regular basis, but I would never assume my friends are okay with my fiancé or parents driving the children without their express consent. If the parents put me in charge, I wouldn’t assume that also means my fiancé is in charge. If we were parents ourselves, I could see that situation being more fluid. In your case, I just don’t see why the boyfriend would also babysit in this situation. It just goes too far.
AMEN BGM.
In other news, @bgm, I got very distracted in that other thread and forgot to ask what brings you to my former fine (in so many more ways than one) city later this month?
CHEESUS CRUST
Lake Calhoun is AMAZING.
From Page 4:
“We also all see things through our experences. I married around 30. My then husband was 6’4″ and around 200. I was 5’8″ and had trouble staying around 115 – just had trouble gaining weight and I use to eat a lot. This went on till my 40’s. The first year he gained around 60 pounds. Then the drinking and the verbal nonsense started. I never was making enough money even when I was making more than he was. And it got worse from there. His guessable weight got up to 450. It’s guessable because they have to use a special scale at that weight. This was someone that did not care how unhappy I was and was not even trying to make things better. Now there were many reasons why I should have gotten rid of him before I did. My life was a nightmare. But bottom line did this guy really ever love me, no. Just like the first guy never loved you. Oh, did he lose the weight when he went back to the dating game, oh you bet. Now if that’s makes me shallow I plead guilty.“
