Skyblossom
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
@Kate My husband was able to avoid travel during the last two months of both pregnancies. No one pushed him to go. He came home and told me that he wouldn’t be traveling again until the baby was born and he did that without me asking or hinting that he do that. He thought of it and did it on his own.
Why has your brother already purchased a ticket for you? Either you’ve lied to him and told him you already decided to go or your brother is trying to manipulate your decision. When you are married you don’t make major decisions with your brother instead of with your wife. Leave the free ticket entirely out of your decision because that ticket shouldn’t exist. I have to wonder if your brother hates your wife and is hoping to break you up.
When you make this decision you are balancing your brother against your wife. Who is more important, your brother or your wife? Who is a higher priority, your brother or your wife? Who needs you most, your brother or your wife?
What I hear you saying is that you are willing to risk missing the birth of your child to attend the wedding which means you are willing to miss the birth of your child. If I was your wife and I was hearing that coming from you I would already be losing respect for you. It means you are valuing your brother more highly than your wife and prioritizing your brother more highly than your wife. Sometimes when you realize something about a person’s values and priorities it profoundly changes the way you view them and think about them and feel about them. If you go you are willing to abandon your wife at a time when she may need you the most. There is no way that you going won’t harm your marriage.
You saying that it is only a 2.5 hour flight away is your trying to trivialize how far away you really want to be at a time when your wife may easily go into labor and is in no sense the real time it would take to get back. You are either naive because you’ve never flown or being purposely stupid and mean.
When women go into labor naturally, meaning not induced, it usually happens during the night. I have two children and went into labor during the night with both of them. In general, a natural labor is faster than an induced labor because the body is ready for labor and delivery. The cervix has ripened and begun to dilate and that cuts hours off of labor. My first labor was six hours and the second one hour. Both were born before their due date. My son eight days early and my daughter about two weeks early. Until you are in labor you don’t know when labor you will happen. You certainly can’t guarantee that it won’t happen.
If you think that having her mom take her to the hospital is equal to you taking her to the hospital you either don’t think much of yourself or you don’t intend to be of much support during labor.
I can assure that most of the women who know you will think much less of you if you go. You will lose their respect and the respect of many men. It says something profound about you when you are willing to leave your wife when she may need you the most. If you care about what people think and say about you then you don’t go and you don’t whine or pout about not going. You act like a man who has a wife and a baby on the way. People will talk about you and it will be ugly. That’s human nature.
I think leaving with dignity is the best option. Just go. Cut off all contact and be done with him.
Going to spy cam is really about blowing the two of them out of the water and exposing them to the world. If you’ve reached that level you’re done. I think paranoia was probably the wrong word choice but was she was probably intending to mean lack of trust.
The trouble with a spy cam is that it is probably illegal to tape someone in the privacy of their bedroom without their consent. If the boyfriend was angry that she blew up his fling with the brother’s girlfriend he could file a police report and get her into legal trouble. If it is also her bedroom she might have more legal leeway but she would definitely need to look up the laws in her state before doing it. That’s why I suggest you give them some time alone and then walk in on them if she wants to catch them. If you have a key to an apartment then you have been given permission to let yourself in and if you happen to find your boyfriend involved with someone else you aren’t breaking the law to pull out your phone and tape them as you find them. If she has no key to the apartment then even that won’t work unless she leaves the door unlocked as she leaves and hopes that they don’t lock it behind her.
Making someone’s celebration the stage for your grand finale is highly inappropriate because it takes something that is about someone else and something else and making it all about you and your relationship. It’s hijacking something and using it for your own purposes. Don’t do that.
If you do want a grand finale it should just be the four of you, you, boyfriend, his brother and brother’s girlfriend. You could catch the two of them together. If you leave them alone together you can forget something and go back in about ten minutes and see what you find. Make sure your phone has the video running as you come through the door.
You also have the option of leaving, telling the boyfriend why you are done and blocking him and going on with your life.
@MissDre I can’t imagine any guy who wanted a relationship ignoring you the entire time he is gone. I would wait to see if he had trouble with wifi access. We had trouble with it on our recent trip. We did get it part of the time but it depended on the hotel. If he is in a hotel where it isn’t working I wouldn’t expect to hear from him. If he has it you should hear from him every day, at least by text.
When leaving to travel abroad he may also be talking to his parents, letting them know what he’s doing and where he will be and giving them his flight information. Especially if traveling to that region I would want someone to know exactly where I was and when I would be there. If I was him I’d also try to talk to people who had taken similar jobs or done similar job interviews to see what to expect. All of that takes time and is all out of his ordinary routine. I’d assume that he had far less time than usual to talk to you. At the same time I would expect some quick updates. Something like giving my flight information and hotel reservation to my parents. Talking to a friend about the interview. It doesn’t take much to keep someone up to speed about what is happening.
@ktfran I’d accept it if you like it. He’s going to give it away one way or the other, whether you accept it or not, he has no further use for it and needs to get rid of it. If it up grades what you’ve got why not accept it? You probably give things away from time to time too.
We love mashed cauliflower. It is simple to make and tastes delicious and as a bonus it is a member of the cruciferous family. I’m making stew for dinner and when I get home from work I’m planning to make the cauliflower “potatoes” to go with it.
He has every right to be interested and she has every right to not reciprocate. I’m 53 and I’m sure I wouldn’t be interested in a man who was 84.
I’d run from a relationship where someone was melting down over something less than a major occurrence like the death of a family member, cancer diagnosis, etc. Life has enough major stresses that I would bolt from someone who can’t handle even minor stresses. Other people might see it differently. If someone needs to be coddled through the minor things in life I just am not up to it. Someone else might be and that’s fine. That’s part of dating, figuring out what you can and can’t handle.
There are lots of options. Many women around here get to gather to knit or crochet. A local yarn shop is willing to host them. You could do that for any hobby. You could go to pottery together or get a group that goes to yoga together. A local yoga group meets for yoga and then walks the two doors down to a coffee shop and spend a few hours together after yoga. Book clubs are very popular. If you didn’t want to host one you could look into starting one that meets at your local library. If you like writing you could start a critique group. If you like to visit museums start a group that visits local and regional museums. I live near a town of 5,000 and there are over 50 meet up groups in our area. That doesn’t include any of the groups mentioned above. I think if you looked you could find something that you like and if there is nothing you could definitely start it. What do you find fun? Think about how you would want a group to function. How often would it meet? How big would you like it to be? Would it be more of a single focus group or more of a single women’s group that does a variety of activities?
